hey, so i'm struggling today. I been caught up in the drama which is the rooms. I've made some bad choices in friends and have seen the truth. The truth is that their recovery isn't what they claim to be and the drama ensues......... I'm struggling to let it go, and back away from the shit. How can i step away and let go without carrying the resentments. Right now i have a lot of resentments towards a few people, and it's at a point where i don't even want to look at them, or hear their voice. I'm the one suffering, and i know my end is the fact i'm not letting go. Does anyone have any sugguestions on how i can go about letting go, and backing away from the shit storm? My sick thinking is to back away from the place that saved my life.
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
Sounds 4th and 5th step stuff, have you done those yet? The things that we have a hard time forgiving others for are usually the same things that we haven't forgiven ourselves for. Have you talked to your sponsor about it? Time to do some work. This is the kinda stuff that we use over, especially when it's in the rooms. We need to be in those rooms. Remember the 12th tradition "Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities."
turn it all around, often the outer merely reflects the inner... many a times my dissatisfaction with others and the way they are, if pursued more thoroughly does reveal as some inner discontentment with self... I have been at the wrong places (not necessarily because the members were wrong as I thought it to be back then) but just because I didn't fit as it was not my kinda click... It's possible to move away from such places and people in the fellowship and still be in NA, fellowshipping... Usually, after the meeting, I do not select members whom I approach and join at the cafe... I let it happen... I just flow with whatever set of members I come in interaction with... this way, fellowshipping seems more fun for me lately...
Also, those whom I can't stand usually turn out to be my greatest spiritual mentors, teaching me that part of the program that is the hardest to practice for me
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
hey thanks for the advice. I have completed my first set of steps... and talked my sponsor's ear off. My big thing is honesty. I realize now that my dishonesty partaking in a medallion of someone without the set amount of clean time was a mistake, and next time i will just have to be honest and say i will not do it. I try to follow this program to the best of my abilities and i dislike people who bend the rules to fit their needs. Really that was an old behaviour of mine, to make the world rules fit me not, fit the worlds rule......I am going to continue to struggle in letting go and haveing faith in the fellowship, but one thing is for sure i will not use and i will continue to go to meetings regularly... thanks again
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
One thing i learnt in my first year was that if i acknowledged my part, my resentments diminished or completely disappeared.
part of resentment is blame- if we blame others for things that happen we put ourselves in a victim position. I found that when i found out what my part in things were, i didn't have to feel like a victim anymore
anyway i would go to other meetings if possible until it passes a little and you gain a better perspective on it
I'm hearing some judgementalness going on here... Judging other's recovery, presuming they are not recovering.
" I try to follow this program to the best of my abilities and i dislike people who bend the rules to fit their needs."
This really struck me. Sounds like an "I'm better than" statement and the optimum state for an addict in recovery is humility.
We all suffer from the same disease, we all have our own process of recovery. None of us got here knowing how to be honest and for some of us it takes YEARS. Sometimes I need to challenge my perceptions, refrain from judging and try to find compassion for someone else who may be struggling in areas where I don't or I have and gotten through it.
{{{{hugs}}}}
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The truth does not change based on my inability to stomach it - Flannery O'Connor
My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance and in inverse proportion to my expectations - Michael J. Fox
yes we all do recovery at different rates, and on different paths. I'm not judgeing this person on their ability to recover. When it came from this persons mouth that she "drank just one" six months ago but will still pick up her medallion and thinks that it's ok. My understanding is that a medallion is for continous clean time, not well i slipped for one night but you know that oks. If clean time, is honest i don't care how you are running your recovery, but if you even amit that it's not truthful clean time than i annoys me. Honest people's seventh pays for that medallion, and really it's a waste of money because it doesn't mean anything.
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
First step hon... you are powerless. That medallion may mean a lot to her, it may be the catalyst that, at some point, reminds her that she's been lying to herself about her clean time. I can't judge what it meaningful or meaningless to someone else and, in truth, dishonest people's 7th tradition donations pay for those medallions as well and they cost all of a whopping couple of bucks at the most.
DF, when I find myself really getting all bent out of shape at someone else, particularly when their actions have NO real affect on my life... It's because there is something going on with me that I don't want to take a look at. It is MUCH easier for me to look at you and scrutinize than it is for me to look at me and scrutinize.
Let it go, give it to God, you're powerless, we don't check each other's clean time or recovery in NA... It's why we have sponsors... and pray for her in order to deal with your own resentments.
Read your own signature line... Your opinion of other people is really just as inconsequential as other peoples' opinions of you are.
Again, hugs and I love you, just the way you are!
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The truth does not change based on my inability to stomach it - Flannery O'Connor
My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance and in inverse proportion to my expectations - Michael J. Fox
It took me a few months to share about my last relapse in a meeting, I had only shared about it to a few members individually and sought their help to get back to staying clean. When everyone else at the fellowship thought I was almost 8 months clean, that's when I shared that I was actually 3 months clean. Believe me, no one ridiculed or judged me for disclosing that late. In fact, they were glad that I finally got to deal with that part of my denial and fear at last, and expressed compliments for my having developed the courage and honesty to come clean with it. One oldtimer even shared with me that it took him 3 years of being in NA to do what I was able to do after a few months. That experience was an amazing one for me, such unconditional love, identification, acceptance, kindness, the ability to see the good in me when I was feeling embarrassed about having shared something "bad"... At that point, I knew I was at home, with my true family
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
LeeUIf I really-really-really did not want to participate when someone wants to pick up a key tag or chip and I was the one handing them out, I might quickly and quietly ask someone else to take over..."really gotta go to the john". I wouldn't want to call any attention to the situation.
That's a suggested "quick fix" to the personal discomfort of the one handing out the medallion...but for the one picking it up, I agree with someone else that made the point that it might serve to open the door for the recipient to re-evaluate his/her own definition of abstinence and clean time, and lead to an even stronger quality of recovery, vs quantity. The Little White Book pg. 10 says "Emotional sobriety in reality is our goal, not mere physical abstinence."
I had years of clean time and did not view myself as an alcoholic. I saw no reason to not pick up my markers until someone confronted me and took my inventory. Needless to say, I resented it immensly and rejected the implication that I "shouldn't" pick up my 3-year mediallion. For me being blessed to have risen up from the depth of my addiction, compared to my having an occasional glass of wine, was such an incredible miracle...youibetter believe I was proud of it, wanted credit for it, and was darn well gonna pick up the bronze.
Then a funny thing happened...I kept getting drunk...the glass became a bottle, became 2 or 3, and you can guess the rest. Today, I have one sobriety and clean time date-the day I picked up my last white chip in AA. And I stopped telling everyone "...but I "really" have more clean time...". I let it go, even tho I remain grateful that those three years clean gave me sufficient quality in my recovery to enable me to see my "other" addiction, alcoholism, when I needed to.
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From dying and surviving to living and thriving. LeeU
