Hello everyone.My name is pascal,i am an addict.Iºve been clean for almost 6 months now,everything was allright,better.....but a few weeks ago,a girlfriend form my group commit suicide....i started to be isoleted again for a few days,itºs been really hard to go to the funeral and stuff......but iºve met with my sponsor after a few days and things change totatly....he¨¨quit¨¨ to be my sponsor....The thing is that i do not have the same entousiasm to go the meeting anymore.i am irritable and not that happy anymore..where i leave,there is just 1 NA group.I donºt like it like before....what should i do.......happy 24
Hey,no matter what,,keep going back to meetings. Theres no use compromising my recovery just because I dont like te meeting or someone in the meeting !! It works if you work it so work it cause youre worth it !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
My disease comes at me in a myriad of sneaky, cunning, baffling and powerful ways! By the time I was 6 months clean, I no longer believed the "I'll just do one" lie anymore and my disease has the same IQ I do, so it knows what won't work anymore - It's actually slicker than me because I'll try what doesn't work over and over and over again, expecting, each time, that THIS time it WILL work! LOL Anyway, my disease would tell me stuff like that I should just be ashamed of myself, that I was a piece of shit, I felt so guilty and worthless! It came out of the blue too, beautiful day, just driving along and boom! Hit with all these miserable feelings. I started calling people. Finally reached someone and told them what was going on in my head. They pointed out that it was just my disease trying to convince me that it wasn't worth it to stay clean... I LIE TO ME! I've been hit with sadness, apathy, dislike for meetings, disconnected feelings, complacency... You name it, my disease has tried it.
Believe that anything your head tells you that contradicts this... "I deserve to be happy and clean and to recovery"... is coming from the disease and tell it to fuck off. These uncomfortable feelings will pass. Nobody ever died from a feeling and we can get through discomfort CLEAN!
-- Edited by Jana40503 at 20:20, 2009-02-17
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The truth does not change based on my inability to stomach it - Flannery O'Connor
My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance and in inverse proportion to my expectations - Michael J. Fox
I have 18 months clean and it always amazes me when my higher power test me. The little shitty commitee in my head always tries to get me to use. About 3 years ago one of my best friends who I used with hung herself. That was the most horrible feeling. It was really hard to go threw her things to decide what to do with them. Her husband did not want anything. She raised birds and had left a note that I was suppose to get the birds. I did get them but there were to many to keep. I already had 3 large birds. I did keep 2 of them. Much to my surprise... I had a awakening just a few months ago. I was cleaning one of the cages and I noticed something I had not noticed before..... there was a toy hanging for the bird and I went to clean it and noticed for the first time that it was clean coins! I just cried my eyes out. I believe it was a messege from her that she is watching me. I miss her daily and am reminded of her threw her birds. And if that was not enough.... her husband overdosed last spring. I lost 2 really good friends to this disease. I was there for their wedding and I was there for their funerals. It still makes me sad when I think about it. I get threw things like this by reading, calling people, and going to my meetings. If that is not enough then there are people out there that will help you threw this. Where do you live? I am in illinois. I will keep you in my prayers... keep your chin up it gets better... i promise.. Todd
Look, You are isolating but the only way to grieve is to go to those meetings and share what you are feeling. This is a feeling's disease. If we feel bad enough we will end up using unless we learn to grieve properly and that is by talking about it and sharing our pain with others. That sponsor thing I can understand my sponsor quit me also When I had relapsed and it was even before that she quit me. But you know what I am okay with that today. I found a wayyyyyy better sponsor now. She is in my corner no matter what goes on. My other one couldn't handle all my issues that I had going on. I had just started the grieveing process of my mom when I came into recovery my mom will be gone 3 years this coming September. I had to keep talking about it. It helps, but here is a suggestion that really helped me out with my mom. Write your friend a letter and tell her everything you want to tell her or him that you never told them before. It does work. When you get sad just keep pushing. Don't stop going to meetings cause of your sponsor, I wanted to stop going to my home group and all that stuff but I kept going and you knwo what she makes the effort to come up to me. We even talk on the phone now every now and then. We small talk but we talk at least. I know that pain is there and it hurts when I sponsor stops sponsoring you. But we have to keep doing what we have to do. I don't want to go to meetings every day but I go anyways. I don't like everyone in those meetings but I find the one's I do like and hang with them. I have quite a few friends in the rooms of NA now. I have been in the program for almost a year now. But I only have 49 days clean under my belt. Just keep going back to the meetings recovery will return I promise this. You know when we say the word issue real slow it say's its you! So we may or may not be the issue but it starts and ends with us! Peace,
Hello everyone.I am very gratefull with you all for having taking the time to wrtite me a note...Today,i do feel a bit better....i went to the meeting last night for one hour....you guys are right,the desease want to screw with.I have to keep that on my mind.I am a bit far from illinois.I am a french who live in Costa Rica.Thanks again for the advices...Happy 24.Pura Vida.pascal
costa Rica beautiful place to be. Man have a great day in recovery just keep making those meetings. I believe in you if I can do this so can you! We can all do this peace out bye!
I feel all sorts of things. I just don't get high anymore. The program doesn't make me stop feeling them. It enables me to feel them. Also to trust enough to share what I'm feeling.
I have been through all sorts of ups and down pascal, just ride them through to the end and dont use in between.
We all need maintenance I am needing some live meetings myself, that is where I get fed, spiritual food, connecting with others of my kind right now I feel alienated and alone with lots of troubles on my mind I thought today I would rather not be here then deal with life, I am very stressed from work, that's when I know I need to get my butt in gear and to a meeting.
Just like Dave expressed above, it's ok for me today to be angry or anxious or sad, I can let these be and actually feel them too for what they are. Today, I get a permission, thanks to this program, to experience pain and joy, successes and failures, excitement and boredom, the entire range of emotions. While using, I did not get to even know how these feelings might feel like. Today I do. And I realize today that these feelings no matter what they are die their natural death. I do not need to wish them away, try to make them go away or deny/suppress these feelings. Instead I can stay aware of what's happening to me using certain tools that the Fourth, Fifth, Sixth and Tenth Steps have blessed me with.
And more importantly, continue to do certain common basics whether I'm happy or sad - make meetings, interact with other members, reach out to my Sponsor, try to apply the Steps on the situation, read NA literature for more insight, maintain a conscious contact and interaction with my Higher Power on a daily basis...
reminding myself of what our predecessors in NA have shared through our Basic Text helps me immensely at these moments of despair, disinterest and hopelessness:
"Many times in our recovery the old bugaboos will haunt us. Life may again become meaningless, monotonous and boring. We may tire mentally in repeating our new ideas and tire physically in our new activities, yet we know that if we fail to repeat them we will surely take up our old practices. We suspect that if we do not use what we have, we will lose what we have. These times are often the periods of our greatest growth. Our minds and bodies seem tired of it all, yet the dynamic forces of change and true conversion, deep within, may be working to give us the answers that alter our inner motivations and change our lives."
Merely reading this above part from Basic Text transforms me from a tired, grumpy and apathetic addict to an addict full of hope, springing me back to action, life and recovery.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
