5th step

maureenamc · Member

5th step

dan h · Senior Member

Hi Maureen, thanks for your post. My experience with steps four and five was like this: In step four I made an inventory of WHO I am, not of all my misdeeds. I looked for patterns in my thinking and behavior like, why did I always stay in a relationship long past the point where the relationship was over? Why did I always feel like I didn't really fit in, even among my closest friends and relatives? Why did I seem to believe on a deep level that I didn't deserve the happiness and success that I saw others enjoying? I also looked for patterns in my attitudes: negative, self-defeating, I would put myself down jokingly but always felt like it was true. "Why are we here?" says that "Personality change is what we really needed. Change from self destructive patterns of life became necessary." Before I start randomly changing stuff in my life, I need to know WHAT to change. That is what step four was for me, a place to start.

If I am looking at a roadmap of the US and want to go to St Louis, I can see all the different Highways and Routes that lead to that city. But if I don't know where I am currently, if I'm in New York or Los Angeles, how do I know which road to take? Step four is how I find out where I am and where to begin.

In step four I found out that I was lonley, insecure, and lacked self-acceptance. I was a liar, a thief, and a cheat. In step five I get to find out WHY I lied, stole, and cheated. THAT is the exact nature of my wrongs. I lied, but WHY did I lie? I lied to gain acceptance, to fit in, and to belong. I stole, but WHY did I steal? I worked 40 hours a week and made good money, but it wasn't enough to support my using. So I stole because I was GREEDY. That is my understanding of the exact nature of my wrongs. In steps four and five I learn WHO I am and WHY am who I am. Then the process of change begins in earnest in step six.

Thanks for the great thread. Good luck and keep working those steps!!!

BigV · Senior Member

And don't foget to look at the positive side the affirmation side of the 4th step , we aint ALL BAD

DeanC · Guru

BigV wrote:

And don't foget to look at the positive side the affirmation side of the 4th step , we aint ALL BAD

yeah, a whole lot of us think that we are

too good to do our 4th and 5th steps

Don't get too perfectionistic about interpeting your 4th step. That's your sponsor's job. Just follow the instructions, give yourself a couple weeks to do it, and in the mean time schedule your 5th step to push yourself to finish the 4th. And git-r-done already, you'll have plenty of time to do another one. Your life really depends on this. Most people that relapse, have not done these crucial steps.

-- Edited by DeanC at 10:10, 2009-01-22

maureenamc · Member

Thanks everyone for your input. I'm doing my fifth on Sunday with my sponsor, and I just needed some clarity. I have to say, I'm looking forward to some new freedom :)

DeanC · Guru

yea!

The Promises

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not.

They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

They will always materialize if we work for them.

Raman · Guru

What a fab question to ask!
An answer is to be found in the older literature
"WORKING STEP 4 IN NARCOTICS ANANYMOUS'".
This was the first 4th Step guide that was officially approved by WSO as representing the method to follow in writing the 4th Step.
And therein (Pg???) is an example which reads as follows=

"Taking someones money is wrong but the exact nature of that wrong is the dis-honesty"
Which means that takiong the money is wrong. However as it is an action and therefore an end result of thinking process, the EXACT NATURE of that wrong is to be found in the thinking itself.
What that means will vary in each individual case but a common thinking pattern is usually established as doing all the mischief.
In NA terms its called DIS-HONESTY !
So the action is a wrong doing but the exact nature of that wrong maybe the attitude , which in itself seems to develop through faulty thinking .
Therefore it follows that in correcting that thinking , the actions too get straightened out.
The origin of the exact nature of wrong doing may well be found in writing it all out=
incidents, thoughts and actions,,,that looking at what it felt like after that action.

Theres usually a precedent to a particular behaviour(thoughts).
Then that behaviour itself which is deemed as disagreeable,faulty,wrong etc. by all those who can observe it.(actions)
Lastly in the process is the consequences of that behaviour (feelings).

Then those feelings unless acknowledged and agreed upon as painful,troublesome etc. will foster more of the same thoughts that cause those feelings in the first place.

My sponsor insisted that thoughts can change through actions until the actual thoughts that cause those actions ae inventoried. Once those thoughts that constitute the exact nature of wrongs are discovered, an addict will have to put in effort to transform them .

First of all survive in recovery,then to grow up.
Then Ive found myself fullfilling obligations that deem me a productive and responsible member of the very same society that I once rejected and which once shunned me and treated me as a "outcaste" !!!
And boy does it feel good to be human again !

Tahir · Member

Greetings Maureen, thanks for sharing, and congrats, it's always a rewarding experience to do the Fourth and Fifth...

I have found it helpful for me to just focus on the questions and their answers from my own experiences and understanding. Just writing them down.

When I did my Fifth with my Sponsor, that's when the exact nature of my wrongs revealed themselves, one-by-one, with the help, guidance and shared experiences of my Sponsor.

It helps me to not think the process out hoping to get a better understanding of what I'm doing in my stepwork. I just be in the process, focus and do the next one thing I have been suggested, and leave the rest to transpire when I get back to my Sponsor with my writings/answers.

Also, our literature says:

- "Identifying the exact nature of our wrongs is often something that happens while we are sharing our inventory" (with our Sponsor during our Fifth Step)

- "... we should be focusing our attention on what's behind the patterns of our addiction and the reasons we acted out in the ways we did."

- "... the repetition of the same type of situation (from our past) will reveal the exact nature of that situation."

- "Finding the common thread in our own patterns will lead us right to the exact nature of our wrongs.

Raman · Guru

To each their own,,
in my case I found that the exact nature of my wrongdoings was embedded in my thought proces.

Years of living a lie in addiction,,with info coming in from other hopelessly addicted people, using not only drugs but false characters was basically due to my thoughts.
I decided that I will cooperate with my sponsor.
And we found out that a basic thing was imaginin that life was ridiculous with the use of some form of modd changing ,mind altering narcotic.

I remember hgow I cursed people that wernt into drugs or hip. I had an attitude.
Again,,that came from thoughts about hoe best life was to be lived.
An exact nature oif my wrong has been that,,, the thinking !!!

Raman · Guru

During my study course this year and 4th quarter last year,Ive been seeing other nature of wrong coming up.
Glad I have a sponsor and Fellowship to share em with.

And to move this a little further;
I think that
1.the exact nature of my wrongs is the thoughts
2.the defects of character arising out of those thoughts can be seen in my behaviour
3.shortcoming are based on feelings that ae a consequence of my behaviour,,most importantly if I dont let go and let God,,then it repeats once again starting with the thoughts.

I have felt close to Higher Power like never before ech time I took the 5th Step.
First at the treatnment centre,then to addicts and later to Dian,,who heard my full 5th.
Later on its been my sponsor Bob,, and of course in this Forum too.
Ive always believed that though there are others in this wonderful world willing to help,my best et is to confide/confess/admit exact nature of wrong to another addict.
another addict is least likely to judge,condemn,reject.

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