I feel like I need to kind of check in on what's going on right now. I'm getting ready to start some big transitions in life, and I have a feeling the God of my understanding is stepping in. I've been in treatment for the past seven months, and I'm getting ready to go back to school(taking 6 classes), go back to work part-time, and get my very first apartment all by myself (this is exciting; I'm 25 and have never lived alone). PLUS my sponsor is moving to Arizona in two weeks, and I want to finish my 4th step with her. Lotta stuff goin on, right? i just found out that one of the classes I need to take for a prerequisite for my bachelor's degree has been cancelled. In the short term, this is probably a good thing, seeing as how all of the aforementioned happenings can overwhelm a person, especially ion early recovery. God stepping in? It looks like it So now I'm only taking five classes, which I can handle, but I'm screwed in terms of my prerequisite. I think what's going on is my HP is trying to challenge me to seek other avenues to get what I want in life. Getting into my bachelor's program was really easy, and school has always been a cakewalk, so I think I'm being forced to think outside the box. I'm being tested, which I need. Procrastination, apathy and complacency have been the name of the game for the past couple of weeks. Ok, I'm done venting. Have a blessed day
Thanks for posting Maureen. You DO have a lot going on!! When I focus on just staying OUT of self will, then I trust that whatever is happening in my life is my HP's will for me. I try to keep it real simple, not easy for someone like me who thinks too much. I constantly need to be reminded to keep it simple. That's why I need the fellowship so much, you guys and gals always give me a better perspective on my life.
On your last comment about procrastination, etc. "Two of our seemingly inherent enemies are apathy and procrastination."
Apathy: a lack of comittment
Procrastination: a lack of consistent effort
Complacency: self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of dangers or defieiencies
I like the saying, "Spiritual awareness means no more excuses." With your awareness, you are already in the solution!! Thanks, again, and "vent" anytime.
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
I don't look at it like a test from God Maureen I look at as a loving Father giving me all I can handle.
Theres a test though, the test is whether or not you have reservations, stress can lead to excuses to use.
Also whether you can accept things in life as they come at you or are you still into trying to control places things situations and people ? maybe even into controling our higher power.
Bottom line higher powers look out for your best interest, even after years clean I seldom know what my best interest is but I do know not to try #1 try and figure it all out #2 change or control a given situation.
let your God restore your life he's looking out for your best interest.
An educational module Ive been doing threw light on a shortcoming thats been eluding discovery for many years now= Fear Of Failure. That lead to a defect called procrastination. Its played havoc in my life,especially in context of mixed up priorities. Sitting here at home in India and doing the last of the assignments for this semester is a perfect set up for that defect to come into play again and have me end up doing either the wrong thing because of impatience or not doing it at all becase of the fear of failure.
This is where a plan is so necessary. Plan things out and ask God to guide me thereon. Thats a balanced attitude for me,,a smack head. i believe i also suffered a lot because of un supervised withdrawls and so my thinking at times can be very distorted. The bright part is that courage from others sharings makes me unafraid to admit the exact nature of my wrongs and my own state of mind then move onto doing the right thing for the right reason.
I am now attempting a 2500 word report on managing a venue for an event. At first sight it seems very easy but actually because of the structure expected by the University I have no choice but to follow directions. Basically I apply Recovery Principles to cut through the confusion and contradictions and present a coherent ,neat and well thought out assignment .Only then do I have any hope of doing well and getting my Masters.
Patience is a virtue Ive missed cultivating.Patience to read,reflect and actually understand the nature of the assignment itself is someting Im short on.. And at this juncture,at the very least,this is very hard to do.
Typical for an addict like me to shout out loud """God grant me patience,,,,,,but please hurry it up !!!!" @#%^&*!
In order to carry on, Im at least makng an honest attempt. ive come to believe that this is a true test of my God given talents and strengths. And only God knows what they are in context of my studies.
This is when the 4th Step exercise of noting down strengths will prove of benefit in this overwhelming situation ,drawing on my reserves of honesty and open-mindedness in order to arrive at a correct perspective through NA!
-- Edited by Raman at 19:46, 2009-01-19
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
You are definetly begining a new chapter in your life and taking on alot at that. I wish you the best of luck. I try to look at things not so much as a challege but more of a lesson. "God" is trying to teach me a lesson and what is that lesson and why?
hey TS, guess what, surprisingly, even today's JFT says so too...
February 7 - This Is Not A Test
"We have found a loving, personal God to whom we can turn." Basic Text p. 27
Some of us come into recovery with the impression that life's hardships are a series of cosmic tests designed to teach us something. This belief is readily apparent when something traumatic happens and we wail, "My Higher Power is testing me!" We're convinced that it's a test of our recovery when someone offers us drugs, or a test of our character when faced with a situation where we could do something unprincipled without getting caught. We may even think it's a test of our faith when we're in great pain over a tragedy in our lives.
But a loving Higher Power doesn't test our recovery, our character, or our faith. Life just happens, and sometimes it hurts. Many of us have lost love through no fault of our own. Some of us have lost all of our material wealth. A few of us have even grieved the loss of our own children. Life can be terribly painful at times, but the pain is not inflicted on us by our Higher Power. Rather, that Power is constantly by our sides, ready to carry us if we can't walk by ourselves. There is no harm that life can do us that the God of our understanding can't heal.
Just for today: I will have faith that my Higher Power's will for me is good, and that I am loved. I will seek my Higher Power's help in times of need.
[pg. 39]
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
So now I'm only taking five classes, which I can handle, but I'm screwed in terms of my prerequisite. I think what's going on is my HP is trying to challenge me to seek other avenues to get what I want in life. Getting into my bachelor's program was really easy, and school has always been a cakewalk, so I think I'm being forced to think outside the box. I'm being tested, which I need. Procrastination, apathy and complacency have been the name of the game for the past couple of weeks. Ok, I'm done venting. Have a blessed day 
