lets see woke up and read the JFT meditation. Read some emails replied to emails. Thought about how well behaved I was last night with my ex sponsor I didn't argue or say something I really wanted to with my sharp edged tongue. I then got on here and checking in and is looking forward to her 2:15pm meeting today. I am looking forward to making another meeting this evening. Might try to go find my sponsor today.
Funny, because when I was meditating last night I was breathing in motivation and drive, breathing out procrastination and laziness LOL I want a NAP!!!
I work from a home office so it is very easy to fall into very bad habits!
I'm surprisingly fearless today. My sig other gets paid on thursdays and that's always a little scary as he's a chronic relapser, money being a BIG trigger for him. Up until recently I would go rescue his money from the bank and keep it for him. When he used the last time I had had enough. I put him out of the house. He has been on best behavior and clean since 1/1. I relented and let him home this past weekend. He knows that I won't babysit him or his money anymore. He's got to do this thing or go on to the bitter ends and if he chooses to use, he's locked out and I'm out and done, completely. I am shockingly calm and OK with whatever the outcome is... Just for today! :lol Normally I'd be a nervous wreck and trying to manage and control the situation. This meditation thing is working apparently!
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"The truth doesn't change based on my inability to stomach it". - Flannery O'Connor
I'm working hard today to apply the steps in every area of my life. I'm conflicted because I know whats right and yet I'm slightly stuck in a Oh well I'm on unemployment kind of rut. I read some BT. I prayed. I searched jobs And was slightly disappointed that my dream job ( stay home, get checks, talk to addicts) has not been posted yet. While out of work I have made many meetings, An its almost beyond belief that my HP has finally allowed me to " get it " So I renewed my faith. The problem is Anthony. The solution is GOD and NA.
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The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
It's past midnight here now, might as well hit the bed so that I leave it early in the morning so Goodnight family...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
so Goodnight family...
