hey everyone... i just was sitting alone in my parents house.. and the desire to use was building..... it's so true that when i'm alone for too long the thoughts of useing increase. I've done a lot of work with my steps and have gone to many meetings.... the difference today is that the thoughts can't control me. I may get these thoughts still but my actions prove different. I just dont pick up no matter how much I want too. I went to a meeting... then I joined the online meeting... now i'm posting and getting it out of my head. I'm also working on my gratitude list which seems is my best defence.... I've gained so much because of this wonderful program. I have a life that I never thought i would have with many people who love me. NA has created a life for me and with that I am never alone... So when I sit in my head for too long I allow my addict to start talking to me. I know the longer I stay clean the smaller the voice will be. So taking it one day at time..... this too shall pass.... if anyone has any other sugguestions on what they do i'd be glad to hear them thanks
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people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind- Dr. Seuss
Welcome Andrea, glad you found us! You are already using many of the tools I was taught early on. I especially like the gratitude list. It was suggested to me to also make another list: list all those things that I would lose and would miss if I picked up. My list inclued the obvious- my clean time, self-respect, the trust of my family, and so on, but the list also included simple stuff that I had begun to take for granted: regular meals, a warm bed, clean clothes, CABLE tv, gas in my car (yeah, I had a car by now,LOL) Even stuff like my favorite foods- prime rib, shrimp cocktail, etc. At one point in my addiction I lived for 3 weeks on a large bag of potatoes. Once, for Thanksgiving I shared a bag of bar-b-que chips with another addict. Today I still keep that list with me. I carry it in my wallet and take it out occaisionally just to experience that level of gratitude once again and to remember what is at stake. By the way, my list is almost 6 years old. This program works!! Thanks for your post. Keep coming!!
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
I generally tend to think about my last day using....how miserable and hopeless i felt. I never want to be in that situation again, so i do the things that are necessary for me to stay clean. But you are doing the right things....keep it up!!!!!!!!!!
Oh yeah, I can so relate. Anytime I'm alone with the judge and jury in my head, we get into all kinds of fabulous discussions. The only problem is that we always end up going down some twisted, perverse road the wrong way.
It's a darn good thing I have recovery in my life. It could get ugly very quickly if left to my own devices.
