Hi -- I have never been involved with this before, but I wasn't sure who to turn to or what I should do. My 24-year-old son is living with my husband and I since graduating from college. He has a great job and is trying to save money to buy his own place. In the last few months we have noticed a change in him. He tends to avoid his friends, he seems to have a big chip on his shoulder. He goes to work, comes home, naps, watches tv and goes to bed. The other day I was talking to his friend, who also noticed changes. He said he knew my son had been taking alot of prescription pain killers, but he told his friend that he hadn't taken any for a while. I decided to go into his room after he went to work (something completely out of my character) In his drawer I found Oxycodene and a bottle of assorted other pills. The last few days I've been going in each morning after he leaves to check if something is different. Today five of the Oxycodene pills were gone. If my husband and I approach him by telling him I searched his room and found this, he would never discuss it with us. Can anyone tell me how we should handle this. Also - right before he came home from college, one of his closest friends died of a drug overdose. My son told me how he tried to talk to his friend to get him to stop, but couldn't. I'm so scared something is going to happen to him.
I am going to make a suggestion that will open the door to this possibly for you and him. Ask him how he feels about his friend and his drug overdose, and then tell him there is not a thing he can do to bring his friend back, and that yes it is okay to feel angry at that friend, and to let him know it is okay to have feeling's about this and also to let him know how it would hurt you if something ever happened to him whether it be an accident, an overdose and get very emotional and let him know that you are there to support him in seeking some grief counseling. I was alway running from my feeling since I was 13 years old. Then 2 years ago my mom died and you know what, I ran like hell from my mom's death and stuff like that. But since I have been in recovery, I have learned about feelings, and dealing with my mom's death and that yes it is okay to cry and feel this stuff. I was always running from my feelings in my life. But now I have six months clean and had my very first dream of my mom in 2 years and I am not going to give that up for anything. This is just how I would handle it in my opinion you will get a lot of good ideas here on this board.
why is he on such a powerful pain killer? was he injured? did he get a perscription from your family dr.? this could be a delayed grief reaction about his friend..or any number of things...do u have a family dr.? talk to this person maybe....any of his friends have knowledge of addiction and recovery? do u know anyone that does? i have a son too that im concerned about...first talking to proffessionals gives helpful info on what this really looks like..too hard to make a call on it yourself cause your heart is involved. lot of good information out there and help for any kind of problem...maybe go to a local NA meeting and get some pamphlets.?
Hi Marie, Thanks for posting. My son is 25 and deep in the grip of addiction. Had I known things would get so bad for him I would have taken drastic action from the start. You say you cant approach him on this because " he wont discuss it with you " I say big deal. your sons in trouble you need to take some affirmative action. First off its YOUR house. Do you allow drug abuse there ? Probably not since your here. Dump the pills. Flush them. Tell him you searched his room, because your afraid for his life. Your doing it out of love not spite.
Of course hes going to be pissed . Might even say he hates you. Its normal. Big deal. Lay down the boundaries in your home , NO DRUGS.
Im being frank with you because I know this disease. This thing will kill your son and kick yours and your husbands ass if you give it room.
Get him to a meeting, and you make one too. Your worried about how he will feel if he finds out your searching his room. That may make you and excuse maker for him. A co-dependant An enabler. Seek alanon naranon co-dependants anonymous whatever.
General George Patton put it best when he said " A good plan executed violently today is better than a great plan tomorrow"
Best of luck to you , Anthony G
-- Edited by AnthonyG at 17:13, 2008-12-04
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The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
I am very sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I started using drugs at age 14. I am now 19 and recovering from a heroin addiction. I started out simply taking prescription pills. Percocet, oxycotin, or whatever I could get my hands on to kill the pain. It does not take long before the disease progresses to a point when those pills do not work anymore and almost everyone that I know has switched to a much stronger drug...Heroin. I am in no way saying that will happen in your situation however, it is important that you keep in mind that unless someone takes action now, it is a possibility. I told everyone that they were crazy for thinking that I needed help. But, when everyone I loved began to explain to me (and I began to see) how bad I was hurting myself as well as everyone around me I decided to get help. I guess what I am trying to say is do EVERYTHING you can to try to make him understand ( or a least think about ) the possibility that this drug use/ abuse can very easily escalate to a dangerous and deadly level. Laike many of the others said talk to a doctor, contact the nearest rehab center, get information from NA meetings, ect. Try to hang in there and remember that this is NOT your fault.
Thank you to everyone that gave me your advice. It truely was so helpful. My husband and I have decided that tomorrow we will confront our son about what we know. I have spent a great deal of time researching local NA meetings and local doctors he can call that will help him detox easier. We have no idea how he will react. Just know we have to do it. When we face him with this, we were not going to go in his room and take the pills beforehand because everything I've read says that it could be dangerous, physicallly, for him to stop cold turkey. I would love to have some input about this. Our plan is to confront him about what we know and give him the info I have about everything and tell him that he either does the things we're asking, or he needs to leave, not just leave, but no contact with us. Please let me know, does anyone think this is the right way or the wrong way to go.
