Hi. I am new here. I am struggling with my 15 year old son's drug and alcohol use. He was busted in April by the police for being out past cerfew and drinking. He went to court and all that super fun stuff. (total sarcasm) I accidentally stumbled upon information last Monday that he is using drugs. Pot is the only thing he is using, as far as I know. He is very depressed and using to self medicate. His gf of 10 months just broke up with him because of his use, and because she wanted to date his best friend. He said life is not worth living without her. I struggle to know what is just teen talk for attention (as my husband says) and what is a real threat. We took him to counseling for the first meeting last night. He was very withdrawn after his 45 minutes were up. He did admit to the therapist that he has cut a few times but the therapist does not seem to be overly concerned for his safety. I don't know which way is up and have no idea what to do, not to do. I don't trust myself as a parent anymore because this has likely been going on for a year, possibly more, and I never knew it. I feel so stupid. I know what to look for and I still missed it. I thought I was being a good parent, a smart parent. I don't know which way is up right now. I asked the therapist if he felt my son needed more intense treatment than once a week, but he feels minimal intervention is needed at this point. What if he is wrong. He is suppose to be a highly accredited therapist, but I am suppose to trust a stranger? I am truely in hell. Can anyone help me?
wow lorra, i can feel the desperation in your post, I'm a father of 5 , one of them is a full blown addict, 2 more are borderline. I mention that just to let you know I'm a parent and i understand how you feel,
First off , your sons 15 and just got dumped by his steady girl. I'm almost 50 years old still on occasion think of my first love. It is a tough tough time in some young men's lives. So his depression I completely understand.
Also at 15 for ( this was years ago ) my buddies and I would scratch or cut or burn ourselves as a way to get attention or to prove how tough we were to our friends. Slightly painful ? yes . Stupid ? yes. But not terribly serious. If you hadn't ever noticed it ,it could just be some more teen-aged angst .
And of course you say hes experimenting with pot. It is in my opinion a gateway drug though i don't think its THE gateway drug. It does open the mind to other drug possibilities and suppresses the taboo most kids have drilled into thier heads by usually very loving parents.
I broke those three " biggies " down for a reason. Its great your trying to get a handle on your concerns for him so early, but i have to tell you. Things could be so much worse.
My concern going just off your post is more for you than your son. You may have built these problems into more than they are. No doubt you love your son dearly but these are not the kinds of things that make a mother sign off a post as " dying inside "
There are support groups available to you.I'm not super familiar with them but narcanon may be one you want to look at. I hope some others in here can help you with that.
Its tough being a parent, We love them to death and we consider it a personal failure when things go even the slightest bit astray.MY heart goes out to you. Love them, do the best you can. Make sure they know your in THIER corner and not just trying to force them into yours.
My prayers are with you, I'm an addict , My names Anthony
PS
Give yourself a break, Your really not doing that bad.
-- Edited by AnthonyG at 00:19, 2008-10-23
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The fundamental delusion of humanity , is to suppose that I am here and you are out there .
My poor Dear mother went through all of that and some more .
Get some support like Anthony mentioned , for yourself it will help your son also in doing so, I would also go to an NA meeting just to hear how others are staying clean so you'll have some information and maybe get him led to a meeting also where he can get some help.
My poor Dear mother went through all of that and some more .
God Bless you Moms
Ditto, and she was just entering AA when I turned 15. She had to watch 14 more years of my ugly disease and stay sober through it. She is the reason I was able to find my way to and through the programs. She'll have 33 years next month!
Salutations to your mother Dean. If it wasnt for Ma i dont know what would have heppened to me,,even now she is a vey responsible adult in my daughters life as im away studying. Mother of mine shades of The Divine, forgiv me for what i did in the past Thank God weve seen the end iaddiction is a thing of the past you gave me hope even tho i tried and couldnt get off the dope today i know I only reap what i sow so whether fates cruel or kind,, there you are,, my comfort,my joy o mother,, yure the mainfest Divine !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Look I hid my addiction from my parents most of my life. My mom passed in 2006 and she didn't even know I was an addict, my dad just found out this year that I was an addict. It has been hard dealing with him because he thinks he did something wrong also in my life. I know he and my mom didn't do anything. I had the addict personality for years beyond recognition. I loved to do puzzles when I was real little and I couldn't and wouldn't leave them alone at all. I would keep going back to complete it, and I would obsess over it for hours on end. Now in the basic text there is a sentence that say's we tried psychiatry, religions, new lovers, new places, and all the stuff but none of this work until we came to the rooms of NA. Boy I was able to hide it from the pychiatrists and the Pasotrs I had gotten to know in my life. But now I have a pastor that I can talk to about this and he knows exactly where and what I am going through he is in the other fellowship. I wish I had my mom to talk with about my addiction now, my dad doesn't like talking about it and it alway's ends up in a huge argument when we do try to talk about it. but I am learning through the steps how to handle this situation.
My suggestion is to talk to your son honestly and suggest that he try to go to some meetings. Ask him why he smokes the pot? Is he trying to escape from some feelings, numbing himself, Just not ready to deal with life at all. I was some of all of this when I started. Pot and alcohol was my gateway to the harder hitting dope in the world.
Sorry to hear you're going through this. What about getting him assesed at a local treatment center? Maybe they will have a different opinion. If not though, they may at least offer suggestions of more resources.
Sounds like you are doing the right thing by having him in counseling. And as suggested, finding some sort of support for yourself isn't going to hurt...it may not help, but it definately won't hurt~!
It's a tough job being a mom; I have an 8 year old, and God, if I could just freeze time and not let her grow up, I would~!!! Just remember, he's old enough now to know right and wrong, lawful from unlawful...I'm sure you've done your best, and that's all you can do. Even if our best isn't good enough for someone else, it's our best and that's all we can do.
Hang in there, it could be worse...and it may get worse, before he realizes drugs aren't a good solution to any problem.
Take care of yourself, because YOU are ultimately who you have to be with 24/7 - 365.
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"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." ~Oscar Wilde~
More things happened and we took him for an assessment Friday. He was hospitalized Friday as they felt he a definite danger to himself. That was the hardest thing to do. We had our first family therapy today and we found out he has also used triple c (?), Adderall and has been smoking cigarettes. He reluctantly admitted to smoking pot every other day and using the triple c atleast half a dozen times. I knew my gut was right even though people were hinting that i was being over dramatic.
sorry to hear about your son. At least he is getting the help he needs now. I know you need to take care of yourself right now also. Go to Narnanon. Please be there for your son as my dad he doesn't give me any support at all. I am on my own in this journey except for the people in the rooms know what I am going through they have seen my pain, anger,frustration with my dad recently. He just wants me to answer questions, but he doesn't like the answer's I give him and I tell him if you want to know anything go to the meetings with me. He would rather sit out in the car by himself since my elbow is dislocated and can't drive myself.
