It is a shame to report that after a long time (two years) without recourse to my DOC (that's 'drug of choice', not 'quack'!) I picked up the old opiates again and after admitting my weakness to my local group was told I had something called a 'stcking point' or something similar-sounding. I am determined NOT to have to go and spend another £42,000 (US$86,000) for six weeks at Castle Craig, a wonderful institution (but not for a second time at that cost) so before I get to the stage where such a thing becomes totally necessary I have to stop. Trouble is it looks like the 'grip' has taken hold and I suffer some withdrawal symptoms, making me forget how easy it actually IS to stop and am continuing to buy little bits and pieces to stave them off. Anyone got a decent idea short of nailing myself into a small room for eight days with a selection of canned foods etc.?
You have to WANT TO STOP, the longer you use the harder it will get and the worse things will get is that what you want rather then kick a little habit?
There maybe be sticking points all the way then again if you really want t ostay stopped and work a good program maybe there wouldn't be.
Figure out what went wrong what weren't you doing, why did you stop surrendering? something happened or your weren't working a complete program of recovery. Pull up your boots get serious about this and quit playing games with it and letting it CON you into thinking on it's (addiction) terms, its time to stop PERIOD and figure this thing out before you are totally wrapped up again in its web .
Keep posting check out the insanity thread, do something different.
PAges 74-83 Recovery and Relapse in the NA book are a must read especially for relpased person it will open your eyes and heart back up.
Sticking point? If I were in your shoes being told that, I guess I would not understand it either.....sounds like a desire thing. That dope is SO attractive to me, I swear to God that if I could have my own universe, it would be filled with it. For me, I have simply found something BETTER than any "doc"....the 11th step. I study mind-blowing concepts. I get so stoned on possibilities...physicists now don't call this the Universe, they call it the Multiverse. Anything absurd I relish. I'm huge on humor, too. There are things MUCH, MUCH better than DOC. Look for them.
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I think people are full of guile.....I enjoy that.
I have to say thanks, the two of you, for being so quick to ma replies that make sense. I guess I can't see the wood for the trees... where it went wrong is a mystery and will prbably remain so but the solution is right here before my eyes. I didn't use today. I don't have to use tomorrow, it's just another 'today'. I can cope with not using even if it hurts a bit. Picking up the powder was a joke, absurd even, Nikky. I'm just going to have to laugh at myself and tell myself that I am stupid and that stupidity is all around us (pit-bulls in lipstick?). I'm no different from any other addict - I have a propensity for feeling sorry for myself. Poor me. S**t, I'll write on this very thread in a week and report progress. No NA meetings in my immediate area so I'm glad I found this board. My 'local' meeting is an hour and a half away and I have to leave about two thirds through to catch the last transport home. I'll make the effort, because i think what went wrong was NOT being at the meetings I SHOULD have been to. And I will not give it the chance to 'wrap me in its web' again. Good analogy there. 05:38. That's the worst it gets, not sleeping. I'm not in there deep enough to feel the full-on WD thing. I'll let you know how I am in a few days. Glad to be here and all that.
Hello Michael M, and welcome to MIP. I'm glad you found your way here and thanks for your post. Michael I'm not sure how much our NA language varies around the globe and I have heard the term "being stuck" before, but it sounds to me like you are describing what we call reservations. Being "stuck" usually refers to a condition when we are clean but "Stuck" in our personal and Spiritual growth, in a rut so to speak. Reservations are when we "reserve" a place in our program for relapse. It can be anything from thinking I can use after I get a certain amount of clean time, to an unwillingness to work certain steps, to believing there is something I can't possibly get through clean, like the death of a loved one. Reservations are anything I put in front of my recovery. Staying clean must always come first, this makes the other stages of recovery possible, and it's the other stages of recovery that make life worth living. Some people even refer to it as stage two recovery, as in a state of personal and spiritual growth and emotional maturity. Remember Michael, contrary to some folks opinions you may hear, NA is a program of TOTAL ABSTINENCE. It is the NA way of recovery from drug addiction and it's all we have to offer. There are many other programs of recovery available and NA has no opinion on them, they work for many people. But excusing ourselves from responsibility for relapse by calling it by another name is just the disease offering rationalizations and justifications that keep us sick. Please keep coming here and try to "buy in" to NA as a way of life, it is the best life I have ever known and if going through the Hell of addiction was the price I had to pay for what I have found in NA, it was worth the price. I look forward to reading more from you. Good Luck.
-- Edited by dan h at 02:58, 2008-10-05
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
