There are so many moments in my life that I wished I wasn't an addict. I think about all the work I have before me to do in order to be recovering...and some days it gets overwhelming.

A friend recently told me, "Not wanting to be an addict is like wishing you weren't caucasian. You can't change it, just accept it and move on white girl."

I have, I realize that I'm just one drink from drunk, and one hit from total oblivion...and I need not despair because today I have a chance to right the wrongs, live a principled life, and try something new instead of repeating the same insanity.

I think one thing I've realized is: Being an addict doesn't define ME. For a while that's all I had as the definition of who I was. Today I know I'm much more than this disease. I'm a fully capable human being with a full range of feelings, unique experiences, and my own path in life. I'm not this diseased, hopeless creature that will never change. I'm not screwed up beyond repair.

A nun once explained addiction and recovery the best way I've ever heard it explained. She drew a picture of a daisy in the sand with her finger. She said this daisy represents your life before you used drugs. She then took her four fingers and ran them through the picture, seemingly destroying all the beauty it had. She said that's the effect drugs have on my spirit. Then she started reshaping the daisy with her finger again over top of the destroyed one. She said that recovery restores me, but those scars are left behind as not only a reminder of that pain that I don't need to go back to, but also as a symbol of survival. She said the new me can be just as beautiful, if not more, than the previous me so long as I don't keep on destroying myself.

Thanks for broadening my mind.  Being a pickle ain't so bad....recovering addicts are some of the best people i've ever met.  some even better than cucumbers!!