I was thinking about the magic of NA. It is a place where it is not about a person. It is about the group. I do not go there to get told what I should do. I go there and get to see miracles manifested in addicts who are strong in their recovery. I see people that I can model. I also see some people who will find strength in my story. In meetings, even the Serenity Prayer is said for the group. "God grant US the serenity....." I am learning now, that what I cannot do alone, there is God, and other addicts that can do it with me. Instead of using now, I know that on my lowest days, that there is a place that I can go where people will care. They won't tell me what I am doing wrong. They will tell me what THEY did right. That is pretty amazing.
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Yes, I bought a ticket on the crazy train.....Good thing it was a return ticket.
I have already lined up a group to attend. If I continue to feel better I will attend tomorrow night for the first meeting. Everyone says the same thing, you gotta get into a group to stay clean. Sometimes I'm not too bright but when I hear that same thing from everyone at all different levels, its gotta have something to it.
For the first 6 months I did what my sponsor told me, followed the group's mentality, I am working the steps too but I also want to share with you something magical that happened to me over the past 5 days in my recovery. First though you need a little background.
Addiction is addiction is addiction right? Whether its food or drugs or sex or gambling..
Well thats how I see it although I havent concoured all my demons, I have managed just for today to have 6 months and 15 days clean and serene.
Let me first say I have HEP C. Also back in 1999 I weighed nearly 330 pounds.(FOOD ADDICTION TOO)
So I had a gastric Bypass and I dropped alot of weight finally got to 157 pounds AUG 07.
I fell in deep love with someone I met in the rooms, we moved into together and I geuss I got real comfortable and then started eating whatever I wanted we went out alot..
A year later we went to Las Vegas and got hitched and this is really the first time someone knows me...all of me and it is so beautiful....
Long story way short he is also in recovery with maybe 2 relapes but he is doing great now too has over 6 months again under his belt ect. Going back for his MASTERS and has gotten promoted at his job!~
I was in so much pain with this HEP C expecially like a week before my period came..sorry for being graphic..
My husband found this diet online for him and me called the 11 day diet.
You eat all these normal foods in the order they tell you to for 11 days and then you can eat whatever you want for 3 days.
Since I thought I knew everything about diets under the sun I thought it was a big rip off and anything but starving would be the way I was going to loose weight. I was very skeptical..very.
Here is what happened with 5 days of eating right and talking my doggie out for morning walks.
First and foremost I have no more physical pain at all. Upon rising or anything.
I have lost 6 pounds without ever being hungry or even trying hard at all.
My mental clarity is almost 100 percent back.
I feel a sense of wonder inside because I am not taken drugs or drinking and now I am adopting a VERY healthy lifestyle. (When I heard others talk about this I was like yeah yeah yeah whatever! Now I am actual proof for myself!
I think it is magic for me I think this is too pretty amazing! Me taking care of me.
You know Honey Bear, since we are pre programmed to self-destruct, I too think that what you are doing is pretty amazing. When I took the drugs and men out of the equation, all of my other bad habbits are starting to come to the surface. I can see how much this disease wants to destroy me. It always goves me hope when I hear someone like me doing things to enrich their lives. Thanks for sharing.
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Yes, I bought a ticket on the crazy train.....Good thing it was a return ticket.
Kathleen was that you in the online meeting on friday night?
I have Hep C also and lately have been in a lot of pain and major fatigue for quite awhile now , I think its time i h ave seriously consider going in and getting the biopsy and see where the disease is atI have been putting it off. My brother inlaw just went threw a treatment 9 months worth and came out of it with no sign of the disease and has never felt better he is 52 and had it a long time this is his second treatment but this one has worked.
Anyhow not to change the subject, life is really good lately I havent been feeling well and have thought of using nothing serious just a passing thought but I shouldn't even be having them something else is disturbing me or rather i am letting other things take power over me and it sucks being here but I figure this too shall pass and I need to look in and pray and meditate on things in my life and change what i can accpet what i cant change.
HAve to live this program on a daily basis because lifes gonna throw curves at us we just have to get through them times and grow and i grow about as slow as a tree.
hey BigV, another case of hep C checking in. I found out in '90 just after my 1 year anniversary. I look at it as my insurance policy. Using on top of hep C will kill you pretty quickly. Matter fact a guy that I met in the program, when I moved to FL in '93, just died last week. He had about 5 years clean and got married and went out and start up with heroin again, switched to methadone, all along knowing he had hep C.
I hope that you don't smoke cigs. Are you spraying paint? Or in contact with other toxic chemicals? Really need to avoid all of that to give your liver a chance to regenerate or else scar tissure will form where we lose more cells than it can reproduce. I've had a couple liver biopcies. It's something that you don't want to do. It's pretty much imposible to have one without opiate pain management. I had the last one when I was 3 years clean. My head was screwed up for about a week. I was talking on the phone to one person and thinking that I was talking to another.
Let them do blood tests and ultra sound first. But please get away from any toxins that can be breathed or absorbed thru your skin. Pleanty of food suplements to help out your liver, email me.
Kathleen was that you in the online meeting on friday night?
I have Hep C also and lately have been in a lot of pain and major fatigue for quite awhile now , I think its time i h ave seriously consider going in and getting the biopsy and see where the disease is atI have been putting it off. My brother inlaw just went threw a treatment 9 months worth and came out of it with no sign of the disease and has never felt better he is 52 and had it a long time this is his second treatment but this one has worked.
Anyhow not to change the subject, life is really good lately I havent been feeling well and have thought of using nothing serious just a passing thought but I shouldn't even be having them something else is disturbing me or rather i am letting other things take power over me and it sucks being here but I figure this too shall pass and I need to look in and pray and meditate on things in my life and change what i can accpet what i cant change.
HAve to live this program on a daily basis because lifes gonna throw curves at us we just have to get through them times and grow and i grow about as slow as a tree.
HAve a nice weekend family
I was so frickin nervous over getting the biopsy. The made up pain in my mind how bad it was was actually no where near this pain free experience!
They didnt give me any pain meds! Your brought into an ultra sound room, The doc gives you a numbing agent on the right side of your stomach, It numbs up like going to the dentist but its not really numb on the outside of your skin its more on the inside and you dont even know it. Then they give you another needle numbing agent and after 5 minutes the radilogist sez ok we are going to procede.
He takes a needle THAT you do not feel and the only true way I can describe the actual bio is this way. You know when you suck on a straw? Well it feels like you are sucking in the middle of your body for like less than 10 secs. Then the doc sez ok were done!
All that worrying, not being able to sleep etc etc and thats all it was.
I had to go upstairs to be observed to make sure there wasnt any inside bleeding because that is a risk. NO PAIN meds were given and I wasnt even in the program but I was hoping for some narcotics and didnt get offered ANY!
I went home a little pissed off at myself for being so worried.
A week later I found out I was Geneotype A1, Virus load 243,000 Stage zero so I am pretty much ok for now.
My bib brother is Genetype A1, 4 million, stage 4 He is coming up in the program 1 Year clean.
If anyone has hep c I strongly urge you become proactive in finding your information out. xox Honey Bear
To repeat myself, the 12 Step community is HP on earth for me. I found this pic of my first sponsors; they still come to me in my dreams and make me smile.
Oops, too low-tech to figure out how to upload the pic....hey, we kinda all look the same anyway, right??
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I think people are full of guile.....I enjoy that.
To repeat myself, the 12 Step community is HP on earth for me. I found this pic of my first sponsors; they still come to me in my dreams and make me smile.
Oops, too low-tech to figure out how to upload the pic....hey, we kinda all look the same anyway, right??
Dont feel bad....I am technology challenged myself!
Kathleen was that you in the online meeting on friday night?
I have Hep C also and lately have been in a lot of pain and major fatigue for quite awhile now , I think its time i h ave seriously consider going in and getting the biopsy and see where the disease is atI have been putting it off. My brother inlaw just went threw a treatment 9 months worth and came out of it with no sign of the disease and has never felt better he is 52 and had it a long time this is his second treatment but this one has worked.
Anyhow not to change the subject, life is really good lately I havent been feeling well and have thought of using nothing serious just a passing thought but I shouldn't even be having them something else is disturbing me or rather i am letting other things take power over me and it sucks being here but I figure this too shall pass and I need to look in and pray and meditate on things in my life and change what i can accpet what i cant change.
HAve to live this program on a daily basis because lifes gonna throw curves at us we just have to get through them times and grow and i grow about as slow as a tree.
HAve a nice weekend family
Hey BigV
Yes It was me, with the eyes LOL.
Remember, there is a reason that trees grow slowly. I think that I want to grow like a tree, to be that strong when I am mature.....
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Yes, I bought a ticket on the crazy train.....Good thing it was a return ticket.
kitizzy wrote:I was thinking about the magic of NA. It is a place where it is not about a person. It is about the group.
I do not go there to get told what I should do. I go there and get to see miracles manifested in addicts who are strong in their recovery. I see people that I can model. I also see some people who will find strength in my story. In meetings, even the Serenity Prayer is said for the group. "God grant US the serenity....." I am learning now, that what I cannot do alone, there is God, and other addicts that can do it with me. Instead of using now, I know that on my lowest days, that there is a place that I can go where people will care. They won't tell me what I am doing wrong. They will tell me what THEY did right. That is pretty amazing.
Indeed, that's amazing that we get to experience this magic in our fellowship So glad to read what you expressed above, something similar to what my first Sponsor used to say...
Also, my spiritual Guru used to say "Don't expect miracles, COUNT ON THEM!" That's what I remind myself when I am on my way to a NA meeting...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
The made up pain in my mind how bad it was was actually no where near this pain free experience!
They didnt give me any pain meds! Your brought into an ultra sound room, The doc gives you a numbing agent on the right side of your stomach, It numbs up like going to the dentist but its not really numb on the outside of your skin its more on the inside and you dont even know it. Then they give you another needle numbing agent and after 5 minutes the radilogist sez ok we are going to procede.
He takes a needle THAT you do not feel and the only true way I can describe the actual bio is this way. You know when you suck on a straw? Well it feels like you are sucking in the middle of your body for like less than 10 secs. Then the doc sez ok were done!
All that worrying, not being able to sleep etc etc and thats all it was.
xox Honey Bear
that's because you didn't have yours back in the dark ages, like I did .
You'd think that National Institute of Health would would be up on the latest proceedures.
they had me sign a release wavier, because back then 1 out of 800 patients DIED from the Biopsy! Those are not real good odds and I had 2 of them there
Hi Kathleen, You are so right, it's the WE that makes this thing work. My Sponsor says "This is a save your OWN ass program, we just do it TOGETHER." When I fist came to NA, it was the HUGS that kept me coming back. It had been a long time since anyone had WANTED to hug me, or at least so I thought. But there IS magic in the group, for me it's that certain something that makes up the atmosphere of recovery, that energy or spirit that the book talks about. It's also the Steps. I like to say the miracle happens when we get clean, but the MAGIC happens when we work the STEPS! That's where the transformation begins. Thanks for carrying the message to ME today!!
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
dan h wrote:I like to say the miracle happens when we get clean, but the MAGIC happens when we work the STEPS! That's where the transformation begins.
Thanks for sharing that, Hugs.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Ok Thanks Hoeny bear Dean was scaring the bjesus out of me LOL
It's all been explained and I have a few people that I know that have had the biopsy so I know what to expect.
The last check out i got was about 3 years ago and everything was fine no hardening and low level stuff BUT I can feel its gotten worse.
I work with chemicals I am a painter I use a resperator at all times but i do and have breathe a lot of crap, including LOTS of silica dust and probably lots of asbestos and I do smoke and its gotten to where I weez a lot of the time and can't clear my lungs very well, just turning 47 this month.
BUT on the other hand if I hadn't have stopped using and drinking when I turned 38 except for a 2 week relapse 2 years ago I would definetly be dead today so by Gods grace i have been given another 9 years of life already that i am very greatful for.
I am going to look into a few things I have no insurance through my job and I barely make it as it is with what I make there and my painting company I struggle through most years I can't afford insurance but I make to much for any social wlefare programs But i could get on disabilty and do the treatment or some otrher program out there, i just need to start doing some research of my own.
The magic is and has happened I feel that just getting over the obsession and compulsion was MAGICAL for me that had me for so long so many years of trying to get and stay clean and I just couldn't get past that thing that nagged at me and took over my desire to stop using. I begged for release I got on my knees begging and asking for this one thing to be REMOVED and when I hit the right bottom it was but i have learned that once I let certain things take power in my life that obsession will return , I have to stay on a spiritual plane for it not to.
Thanks for everyones sharing I get so much help here from you all.
So glad to read what you expressed above, something similar to what my first Sponsor used to say...
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and I had 2 of them there 
