I am 12 days clean today. Seems like so little when you look at it; but inside it feels like a lot. I have been to a meeting everyday since I stopped using. I have never felt so welcomed anywhere. I was told that when I started going to meetings, to ask for phone numbers. I don't have to, I have walked out of every meeting with a list of numbers with every women there included.
It has not been any easy 12 days emotionally or physically. Im having a lot of feelings now. On the days when I have felt the worst and am plagued with some very painful thought, I seem to end up at a speaker meeting where the speaker is talking about the exact same feelings and how they have learned a new life without them. Since the begining of my journey, God has been there, pulling me down a very bumpy road. After so many years of isolation, not making friends because I never fit in, I have friends! People who care about me and what I am doing. I went to a meeting last night at a treatment center near me. I saw a few of my "detox cronies" I was as happy to see them as they were to see me. I even found the only friend that I had in Calgary. She was an old work friend who I lost track of. There she was, in treatment. She was as shocked to see me as I was to see her. Funny how good we are at pretending. I have tried other things in the past, but even though I was excited about them, I never fit into the group. I could not be me.
I am so glad that I can be part of a group where I am free to be me.
My name is Kathlen, I am an addict. Just for today, I will not pick up.
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Yes, I bought a ticket on the crazy train.....Good thing it was a return ticket.
HAng onto what you have Kathleen it's going to be an up and down ride just hang on to it no matter what and stay single for awhile too LOL don't make complications that you dont need and cant handle for the time being, all that crap will come later HE HEH
Funny you should say that.....I went to detox by myself, and I came home with 5 dwarfs : Itchy, Bitchy, Twichy, Sleepy, and Weepy...... I think that I have all that I can handle eight now ;)
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Yes, I bought a ticket on the crazy train.....Good thing it was a return ticket.
CONGRATS KATHLEN! 12 days clean is a dozen miracles right in a row! Don't cheat yourself by not giving yourself and that Higher Power credit for those beautiful miracles! We all start at day one, and if we don't pick up we get two days...and so on! I think my most exciting keytag was my 30 day tag! That was a hard fought 30 days and I was so happy to get that feeling.
It's AWESOME that you are going to a meeting everyday! I've been going to meetings almost every day myself lately, and I know why I go to meetings: I go when I'm needing support, help, a shoulder to cry on, a message of hope, a spiritual recharge, identification, an opportunity to get bare, naked honest about my feelings...that's when I go to a meeting.
Reaching out and finding friends so soon is a wonderful thing. Just remember, men will pat you on the ass, but the women will save your ass! (no offense guys!)
Love & Hugs!
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"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." ~Oscar Wilde~
Kathleen, in "Who Is An Addict?" I think, it talks about how, when we first started using, "we had little indication of the disaster the future held for us." In this same way, when I first got clean in NA, I had no idea of the Spiritual journey I was about to embark upon. Fasten your seat belt, lady, this is truly going to be a ride of a lifetime, if you hold on! It says if we had made a list of what we expected from recovery, we would have shrt changed ourselves, and I CERTAINLY would have. Everything using promised, Recovery has delivered! I'll keep coming and hope to see you ...on the Road.
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"With a sweet tongue of kindness, you can drag an elephant by a hair." ~Persian Proverb
