I cannot seem to shake this depression. I finally stood up for myself and told Allen I was not going to be his human yo-yo anymore it is not fair for either of us. I am just at the point in my life where I am not willing to settle. I know what I want, and I am not settling for anything else. I can't say standing up for myself is easy, cause I hate being lonely but I would rather be alone than be someones toy or  get close just to be pushed away. It is a good thing for me to be standing up for myself. I finally have enough respect for myself that I know I don't have to settle for anything but what I want. My goals are realistic as well as obtainable. It  is going to take practice when it comes to being in a healthy relationship, but today I can stand up for myself as well as learn from my mistakes. So I guess I should be grateful for the progress I have made in my life. I know I am not the same person I used to be; which again is a good thing but I cannot help but feel blah about what happened with Allen but there is a reason or divine purpose behind everything, so I just sit back and give my HP the control to do what is needed in my life. I will sit back and enjoy the ride.........