Your story sounds like how I felt, guilty, resentful, angry, discouraged, and hopeless. For me, admission I was an addict and my life was unmanageable, was very difficult. It took alot of meetings, readings, and sponsor's help to accept.

I learned to surrender, to drugs, the past, lack of control over others....and let go. You can't change the past. Overtime I learned how the steps help me minimize it's (the past) grip on my mind. NA took my resentment, anger, and fear, and helped me accept, love, and have hope.



-- Edited by Davethewave at 18:18, 2008-06-09

yea Anthony,,, thanks for sharing those feelings.
These are real feelings and did not go away just because I got clean.
Even In clean time ive had events happen that filled me with feelings of remorse and regret !!
Like the day my Pa died.
the old timer was sharp as heck,,,, that day he died I was acting too casual to goto the hospital as sonn as they rang up and said to come real quick.
and,,, I missed his death by 10 minutes.
For couple of years after that<< id think about him each day and feel bad I wasnt there.
Finally the only way to resolve that was to appreciate that at least he and i had got back on level terms,, a result  of the Step Solution working in my life.
Im greaful Pa saw me clean for many years fore he died,,hed lived a full life,,
Way back at the beggining of my recovery we were very bad with each other,,, in fact one nite I come home after a meeting and Pa,Ma, and younger bro gang up on me and blame me for all the darkness in their lives.
Thank God I didnt believe them,,,usuall an addicts a victim but this time around id understood how it works and if they had not done what they wanted to do with their lives it wasnt cause of me but was of their own making !
Luckily I had a great sponsor at the time who guided me thru that crisis,,, then things changed between me and Pa,, and ever since that and till the day he died I was a good son to him and he became my friend again @!

-- Edited by Raman at 16:04, 2008-06-14