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NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> Dealing with death
Post Info TOPIC: Dealing with death
Kac0829


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Dealing with death
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This past Tuesday I got a phonecall from my mom who is on vacation in South Carolina. She said she was calling to see if her best friend from childhood had called for her. I told her that there were no messages and I haden't talked to her. I asked her why she was calling from her vacation to see if her friend called. Her reply was, "Kelly, they found Josh dead in bed yesterday morning." My heart dropped. Josh was my moms best friends son who I had grown up with. We would go camping in the summer together and go to all of the theme parks, but as we grew older , of course we grew apart. The last time I saw him was at his aunts funeral about a year ago. Josh was 23 years old. Needless to say, he dies from the very disease I aso suffer from. My mom was told that they had found 7 different drugs in his system. I went to the viewing last nigh and the funeral today. It was the saddest thing that I have ever had to wittness. This fellowship has given me a completly different outlook on life. When I was in my active addiction, when my mom told me that horrible news, my immediate response (to myself) would've been, "That Mother Fu*@$%  I cannot believe he got so lucky! I try on a daily basis not to wake up in the morning, and he has succeeded." Now, my immediate response to myself was,"Oh My God. THat could've been my at any given time." I feel for his family, he was one of four boys, and they are all really close. He has one younger brother who was in rehab at the time of his passing. Imagine the way that mother feels. Her life will never be the same. Josh was "mommas boy" his whole life. What will she do without him now? I was having a hard time dealing with this death, but I just have to remember where I came from and where it will get me if I go back. Jails, Institutions, and Death. I am not ready for either of the three at this point in my life. I just want to be happy, and it makes me so sad that I have the opportunity to live a full and happy life, and Josh won't have that. Everything happens for a reason though, I am a firm believer of that.
Thanks for listening

Kelly



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Kelly
BigV


Senior Member

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It happens I hate hearing storys or knowing someone that this addiction kills but thats is its main goal I think.

Take what you have now and cherish it its a gift of grace sometimes you may not feel deserving I know I don't feel it  at times but you were chosen maybe it's your desire and choice you've made to live  and the gift too maybe it's other things but today YOU have it so hold it tight Kelly.

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Raman


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Gods sake,, similar thing happened here too.
Pras,, a great bassist,friend and drug user died three days ago of overdose.
We did many shows together.
He was much younger than me.
I liked his bass playing and thought he was a normal kid till he shows me a ball of opium one day.
Then Id told him,,"man I cant believe this,, for when are you using this ?"
Then i told him my story.
I was clean many years then and wanted to help him out.
Many years later when his problem goit real bad he sought help,, first in a treatment center then in NA meetings.
He stayed clean some time but decided hed not had nuff,, so out back he went.
We tried our level best to share recovery with him,, ill never cease to be amazed why thge obvious is never obvious to the one in the problem.
Anyways when family perssure to stop increased he stopped again and stayed clean sometime.
Then three nites ago he experimented again,, took him straight to his SOURCE !
He must have been 32 years old,,

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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Blithe Spirit


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Kelly,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience. I can't think of a better tribute to your friend, Josh, than to allow him to help us stay clean another day.

Best regards to you, your mom, and Josh's family.

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Character is what we do when no one is looking.
mamalanersof2


Member

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Posts: 13
Date:
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  So sorry for your loss Kelly.  I lost my fiance to this disease when I was four months pregnant with our son.  There's such an overwhelming rush of emotions that comes with dealing with his death that I deal with even today a little over four years later.  I only wish I had been stronger in my program back then.  Strong enough to realize that I didn't have to use, no matter what..even in death.  Working a program of recovery gives us a way to process such a loss and I am grateful that we both have this program!!

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