hello all....i am, like you all, a recovering addict, clean for 6 months from my drugs of choice vicodin and tequila....or whatever the drs. would give me for my chronic pain problems....
this is my 3rd, and last, recovery...i am 51 yrs old and cannot do it again...
my husband and i have been married nearly 23 yrs and have three beautiful children...i've been blessed to have been home with them since our now 19 yr old son was born....
i have a good life....but, right now feel more alone than i ever have before....i have a problem related to my recovery..
i don't really have a lot of friends to try and work this out with...
i belong to a great NA group, we meet twice a week, i've made some good supportive friends...
and, there is this guy....
he's become a really special person in my life...i feel horrible even writing this down and aware how pathetic i must sound....
i love my husband and he loves me, but he just isn't there much for me emotionally...i know he does the best he can, but he didn't grow up in a warm home and he is about as far from an addict as one could get...he tries to understand, but i find my NA friend is there for me in a way i really need...
i think, after using for 12 yrs, i am finally starting to feel things again, life sober is harder than i thought it would be and more wonderful at the same time....
i thought about leaving this group, but there really isn't another one in the area that i like, and i've checked some out, or fit with what i need....
i am not sure why i am posting, but i just feel like i am in trouble with this...nothing has happened and i know it won't....maybe someone can offer me some advice...
we are here to support each other, i don't think any topic is taboo to an addict. When i am living my program i try to stay in the solution. It is my addict/ego in me that tries to keep me in the problem. and it is my addict/ego that tells me i am wrong for sharing on such a topic..that i am not good enough, or i dont' have enough.
one of the best tools i have found is sharing my thoughts and feelings. It tends to reduce my problem and anything brought to light comes out of the dark :) so i pat you on the back for sharing!
i do agree with Manon, stick with the women. I to have learned this from experience.
not to say i can have conversations with men but i go for coffee with women, i share more in depth with my sponsor. Do you have a sponsor?
I pretty much only go to a mens stag meeting that way I stay focused, theres a power out there greater then me and its woman LOL my best defense is to avoid them at all possible costs ( just kidding I have a girlfriend ) but when it comes to the program I stay focused and share mostly with men. Though my spiritual sponsor is a woman whom I have never actually met she is the one who helped me to resave my life after relapsing ........
i appreciate your concern, but i still think i spoke unwisely. i should not have brought such a problem to the board..it may have less to do with my addiction than my overall unhappiness with the path my life has been on for some time.
i don't have a sponsor and cannot find one right now.....
thanks again anyway and good luck with your board.
You know coming into this new way of living can get confusing and as long as we use our own THINKING we're going to end up right back in the bag, or the bottle or the pipe, needle or whatever means we used to avoid LIFE and living.
It's when we pickup what this program has to offer that things actually begin to change.
I used to say I THINK a lot.
I used to say I NEED all the time.
I used to say I KNOW HOW THIS SOUNDS often.
Until I realized I was simply thinking to much.......
Please stop apologizing for your post. Wendy is right: There are no taboo topics here. You are welcome to discuss anything you wish. Your attraction to a man at a meeting is important as it can most certainly affect your recovery.
Wendy and Manon have given you a suggestion to stick with women in recovery. That suggestion has worked for those of us that have taken it seriously and still does.
With six months clean, your feelings are still in a jumble. It is too soon to even consider entering a new relationship or altering your marital status.
Just for today, you are powerless over your feelings and attractions, as we all are. However, you have a choice about your actions. It is possible to have some very strong feelings and to not act on them. This situation may be good practice for you!
thanks, blithe...for all of my confusion, i really have no thought of ending my marriage....i'm pretty sure my friend considers me just that....falling in love would not be on his side, i am pretty sure...i could be wrong....
i can't change meetings now...i have such a wonderful group of folks there who really like me, this i can feel..i want to get involved in NA service after awhile, after i get my own screwed up stuff straight..i have never been entirelly comfortable in groups of women...i have friends, but i don't want an all women NA group, nothing against those who do attend those..
i appreciate, too, your encouragement for me to return to this board...i will do that..
this is a fantastic thing you chosoeto share Tex,,,heres some thoughts id like to share !!! We dont choose who we fall in love with !! Infatuation is different from the real thing. Association breeds love.
I have encountered these things in my recovery,,, like even last month,, tho i have a gf,, because of distance i was feeling lonely. Then it happens,, i meet another recovering addict woman in a remote place who is also craving for love and the physical thing and were talking ,, eating breakfast and feeling real close. No prizes for guessing what would have heppened next on that lovely,romantic morning on a remote beach,but we share about recovery instead. I also tell her about spirituality and then we both cool down.She goes back to her boyfriend who was in the room sleeping oit off, she shares pain and pain seems lessened,, and Im left feeling glad I was there to share with her. I come back home after a great trip and she goes back to Germany and in my next mail i say to her "if things had been different we may have even been lovers,,,but Im glad we shared recovery,, the most important thing in our lives" I believe that as a recovering addict the best thing is to have an opebn talk and communicate feelings. Now tho i cannot work your Program for you Tex,, heres what I may have done if I were you= Id ask for my friend to meet me ,,, and over coffee /tea id say "You know,, ive been feeling this for you. I like the feeling but I dont want this to get further than whats its now,I have a husband, I have my recovery to stabilize in,,, so without wanting to hurt you I want to say lets just be friends and nothing more than that." Im sure if the person is a real "recovery oriented" addict,,,spiritually centered and all,,, hell understand and become more supportive of you in your recovery. However I think the best bet for a womans growth in recovery is another woman in recovery,,, remember that the therupatic value of one addict helping another is without parallel !!! Best of luck to you lady !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
