Having trouble sleeping so I just wanted to say hello and share whats going on while I'm up since I haven't posted in awhile. I'll have about 80 days clean now, april 11 will be my 90 days, and the pregnancy is still going fine. 6 months along now and all my tests and ultrasounds look good and on track. I've been moving so everything has been hectic. I'm going through a ton of changes right now, new address, getting married soon, having the baby in July and I registered and am starting some classes at the local college here in fall so I've got a lot of good stuff on the horizon if i stay clean. I just hope I'm not getting in over my head
I came so close to relapsing last weekend. I was actually crying because I wanted to use so bad, it was pretty pathetic. I went to a meeting instead though and made it through. But it scared me bad. so much rides on me staying clean and it horrifies me that even with the baby I still get cravings so strong. Addiction is such a selfish disease. All my life I have been so selfish and everything has been about me me me and now I have a little one depending on me and if I use it wont be just my life that I ruin. Scary stuff.
Anyways I'm trying to take it one day at a time, an hour at a time, and not get overwhelmed. Even with all the stress, when I stop and look around at my life now I am grateful, God has been good to me these past few months and I have alot to be grateful for. I hope everyone is doing good. Love you all!
-- Edited by Keli at 05:11, 2008-04-01
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We are not human beings learning to become spiritual, we are spiritual beings learning to become human.
hello sister Keli your doing GREAT your doing whats necessary to stay clean and that is what matters.
I will put a quote from the book :
"Gradually as we become more God-centered then self centered our dispair turns to hope" change involves a great source of fear , the UNKNOWN.
Amen to that always the unknown but once we get past whatever the thing is we're no longer part of the unknown, so we must get past all the moments in our recovery without using and life begins to change bit by bit little by little we start managing our lives better each day, the option to use becomes less and less and the program and the principles and the steps become how we live, life gets good.
oh wow,, talk about being a responsible recovering addict. I have a daughter who depends on me,, shes just 12 now. We have been without her mother from when she was a baby,, 3years old. My little girl showed me how to love without expecting anything in return,,I bless her for that. She is a recovery baby. She knows of my Na membership and is supportive to the extent she knows. God Bless,, sty Blessed you and your baby Keli,,feelings related to using will pass, we just need to feel em and let them go. Thats why i need NA,to cope with me being an addict,, whether i use or not. Im luck to have stayed clean since i met NA. I dont want to change that fact. However i need the Fellowship,meetings,Steps and Traditions and Service to keep me reminded Im powerless over addiction and that I need to share and listen to cope woth various forms of unmanageability an addict living life on lofes terms has to face. So the simple slogan.,,,,KEEP COMING BACK !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
