i guess i should say trouble staying clean, i've been clean now nearly 6 months..i'm on my third recovery, alcohol and narcotics, am 51 yrs old, mother of three, but everyday of the last 6 months have been hard for me...i know it's hard for us all, but i guess i was hoping this last recovery, and it is my last, would get easier as the time passed...
i think about drinking a lot....i have an addiction to narc. pain meds, they aren't so hard to stay away from because they are harder for me to get at this point. i was taking 180 vicodin a month and 60 oxycontin a month for about 8 months, but my addictions go back about 10 yrs....
i've fought depression all my life and a few other health junk....i take about 7 different meds a day...the depression is starting to feel overwhelming to me in a way that's only happened once before and i had attempted suicide then....
i have a home NA group and they help a lot, but i am starting to feel like i am just not going to make it...i keep going back, but it's a rather shaky lifeline for me right now....
i am a great fan of steve earle and have had his music going non-stop around me while i am in this recovery...he's been clean 13 yrs and is a great inspiration to me..i recently saw him in Minneapolis and was able to meet him...it helped me feel good about many things....
i am not sure what i want from this post...i just feel so alone, i guess...my husband is as supportive as he can be, but he is about as far from an addict as you can possibly imagine....
6 months you are to be congratulated for and it will get easier as you develope ways to use the program more into your daily life.
It takes time and its a process, each an every time you don't use when you feel like using you grow stronger its when you end up using that you can lose step ou take the chance of not making it back and addiction killing you.
Think what a loss you would be to others think of all the negative aspects of using when you feel like using do not glamorize getting high in your head all it is is destructive to us.
So when you feel like using start doing something different, try thinking about the steps I always think yes I feel like using but I am powerless over drugs and my life becomes totally unmanageable. I think about turning my life over to a power greater then me and my addiction and with that I usually pray for strength. I take an inventory of where I am that day that moment emotionally spiritually and physically, hell by the time i'm done with all of that the thought of using is usually gone :)
Just hang in there and dont use work the program into your life let it become your life and your life saver.
thanks my friend...my fear of using, i think, too, is tied into my home life that is less than happy for me now....i won't get into all of that, because i fear i will bore the world in general, i am seeing a therapist, but i have been doing that for a long time and still have many feelings of sadness and general dissatisfaction with my life....
but. i do appreciate your taking the time to post to me...
Wow what a heap of issues we all pile on ourselves. I wish there was some magic things I could say that would help you. The truth is that drugs kill, and if it wasn't for our desire to change, some of us might not be alive tomorow.
For me, the second step was my first brush with recovery. The thought that something (the groups) might be able to restore me to sanity was appealing. I needed help, and eventually I reached out for it. When i hit my bottom, I often thought how much easier things would be if I was just gone from this world. I had a spiritual awakening and started to pray for others I knew were hurting. It took the focus off of my self centered point of view, and helped me face the first step.
Your life is worth living, everything changes just be having a desire to stop using. Find some meetings outside of your home group, open up to their experience, strenght, and hope. Put one foot ahead of the other and go foward, things WILL get better.....
I will add that the obsession to use drugs did not get better for me until I had about 9 months clean. It takes some of us longer than others. My biggest piece of advice, just hold on and don't let go, it is so worth it!!!
My son is in a recovery program and has 60 days so far. This is his third shot and recovery from heroin addiction. I know he has to do it for himself and I am one of those annoying moms who tries to tell you what will work and I know that is wrong. My question is. How should I act? What should I do to be as supportive as I can without interfering or overstepping boundaries? I am ascared as hell this wont be the his last and he can offer no guarantees so I am trying to Let go and Let God and working on trusting and relying on that HP but I still feel sort of lost and scared. Any thoughts?
by the way, he comes home this weekend for one night then goes back. Really not sure how I should act then. My instinct is to watch every move he makes but not sure that is the answer. He is still fragile and early in his recovery...any suggestions?
