I have been clean from smoking Meth for 1 year this month. I still find myself actually missing the crap!! Usually it is when I am bored or feel real disgusted with myself. I am homebound because of major back surgery 6 months ago so I feel trapped. My husband acts like I am a piece of furniture that he has to dust. All my children and their families live 400 miles away from me. I am so lonely and Meth was my best friend. I have turned to God and read my Bible so I am tring to be a better Christian. But I have to say, THIS SUX!!! Thanks for letting me rant. Cheryl~
Hi Cheryl, hope you are feeling better. Thanks for the Ranting truthful share. Those cravings can be hard to manage. I have only been clean for 5 months and I get cravings some times. I know we all have our own way to deal with it. For myself I just have to get busy and do something even if it is just watching TV, exercising or surfing the net.
kenh.
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God is the only one you can depend on in recovery.
The Basic text does say we may think its strange to experience cravings again,, but as far as I can tell we really never know what triggers those selective memories,,, of times when we enjoyed our using,,, well all said and done I found the perfect antidote to that is to write,write,write,,, writing thoughts,feelings and events and sharing with another recovering addict-guide is the way to clear it all out,,, and theh be filled with recovery thoughts and actions !! Best of NA to you too soul sister,,,, hugs from an addict in faraway India Raman clean and serene just for today in the NA Way Worldwide !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
The cravings stop once a few things come into line.
once I fully accepted the fact that I can no longer use and that I am responsible for the cravings that occur.
Personally I fed that craving it may start out as a thought maybe even a picture in my mind or some sort of calling out, its what I do with that thought that makes the difference.
YOur doing what you need to do, taking an inventory . We use because of the way we FEEL and you obviously have some unsettling feelings and discomfort.
That discomfort my life , in my mind caused me to want to escape that feeling, hence I stayed loaded as much as possible.
Cheryl there aren't very many people who can even stay clean a year so you obviously want to stay clean, and this is a good step in that direction, sharing whats going on with us, thats once way this program works we do this together we sympathize with each other and understand , we've been there done that.
Get as much help with this as you can, talk with others and talk to your husband, we do what we have to do in order to stay clean. We can't change people but we can change ourselves and maybe its time you spoke out and told others what YOU NEED, even if you don't get it you got it out there.
Best of luck to you with your health and with these cravings , you won't crave something you don't really want and at least admitting it is partly what you want is honest hell I want it sometimes( very very seldom ) too 19 months clean but I know its not possible, and the thought is gone like dust in the wind.
I thank you guys for actually reading my rant AND responding to me in a positive way. Now I know, BigV, that I need to stop dwelling on the craving. I like that advice. I used to write alot, Raman. That's a good idea, to pick that up again. Thanks! KenH, I do have to do physical therapy everyday, so that helps. I am getting stronger (physically), so maybe as I become more active, the less I will dwell on it. Thank you so very much for lifting my spirits and helping me make it through 1 more day! :) Cheryl~
Welcome to MIP! It looks like you've gotten some great suggestions. You might also enjoy reading some of the literature that's available online at na.org
Please feel free to keep posting here as well. We try to support one another as best we can.
I have been clean for 14 years and I was addicted to ALcohol and Cocaine. I had also Hit, and smoked cocaine in the "PIPE." I have done allot of drugs in my 28 years of using plus cigarettes are also part of my story because they are a trigger for me.
IF you are asking about cravings after a year for me. The answer is "YES." I had a difficult time with seizures and illness brought on by disease. So I really was hurting emotionally and physically.
I worked my STEPS with a SPONSER my 1rst year that was a BLESSING AT that time. Completeing my 12th step I had a SPiritual awakening. I was already attending Church before that had happened. So my FAITH was already being nutured. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and all you have is One DAy at a TIME. But also rmemberyour last HIGH. Mine was living horror. I don't ever want to use or drink again. One day at a time.
I wanted a NEW LIFE! I hated myself and everyone else. My suggestion to you is to WORK the STEPS with the most HONESTY you have inside. Continue to PRAY asking for GOD"S WILL in your life.
I am also Born Again but I have to go to meetings especially lately. I have tried to stay away from meetings tried to go without a sponsor, tried to do it MY WAY. It doesn't work for today.
Christ doesn't say we are saved by works it is Grace through FAITH that we are saved. Studying the Word is awesome and my husband and I do Bible Study and are in Prison Ministry, I/we LOVE JESUS. Recovery isn't just about me, it's about sharing my story to help others like you coming up so they will walk in FORGIVENESS, FREEDOM, and VICTORY. In you know WHO. RIGHT?
Cravings or obsession to use do go away after a considerable time of staying clean and working the program.
However, using thoughts and romanticizing about drugs and using sometimes do catch me anawares. However, these are just that, mere thoughts. They are not a craving or an obsession to use. Just like BigV shared, it is me who nurtures these using thoughts by holding on to them and dwelling in them more and more until a point comes when it becomes an obsession.
I've heard oldtimers share at meetings when I was new to NA that miraculously their obsession has been lifted. My first thought was that I just need to stay clean longer for this to happen in my recovery. Later I realized that only when I worked the steps with the help of a Sponsor, especially the first three steps, did I finally felt liberated from my obsession. Today, when I catch myself fantasizing with the idea of having a chilled beer for example, I'm aware that there is something within me, a dis-ease, that I need to address, which is the problem here, not the beer. I used for years thinking that that is what I need. When I worked my fourth and fifth steps with my Sponsor in recovery, I discovered that it was not the drugs, it were my overwhelming thoughts, feelings and emotions, the dis-ease within that was the actual problem. I felt scared, I felt insecure, I felt incomplete, I felt empty, I felt lonely, I felt angry, I felt hurt, I felt neglected, I felt low, I felt sad, I felt happy and so on. And I thought that using was the answer.
Now, when I'm clean, I again am exposed to all these feelings. And this time, I had to face them all without the use of drugs. Whenever, I feel I can't face them or it's too overwhelming, I get thoughts of using as my natural tendency. But that again is a diversion from the actual problem. Today, I don't use drugs. I use the program. I use Steps. I use the therapeutic value of sharing with another addict in NA. I use Prayer & Meditation. I use my literature. I use my Higher Power, I use meetings, I use my Sponsor, I use all of you here at this forum. I don't have to use drugs anymore
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
