What kind of sponsor would yours be if he/she were to never question your motives on anything you did?
Is that what you want in a sponsor?
What if your sponsor was someone that may have more information on a situation than you know about and is willing to confront you before it become a serious problem hurting you?
What should he/she do?
Tell you and hurt you a little, possibly preventing the serious hurt, but damaging the relationship?
Or just sit back and watch as a spectator as things went the way they were headed?
If he just sat back and watched, and you found out later that he/she could have prevented concequenses, would you be as hurt as you would be if he/she had tried to prevent it?
Any thoughts?
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When I truly believe in something, there will be no need to convince everyone else.
MY REAL THOUGHT HERE= "ITS WRONG TO GENERALIZE" Basically a sponsor is a guide thru the 12 Step Recovery Program NA !! Thats it,, the Steps are the solution for the deadly dis-ease called addiction.
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I think it's more then that Raman and I think the group is more and I think YES we do confront each others shit ,it's in the book guys.
We need to be gentle and loving when it's done but confrontation is part of the program, some will disagree, personally I call it when I see it and I want it called on me I don't need to be coddled I have an illness that can be cunning and deceiveing, I have shortcomings and blind sides I have things i'm in denial over.
Yes save my life and call me on crap, just do it gently LOL
Part of being a guide through the 12 steps is helping the sponsee to apply the principles of the steps into his/her daily life. One of the ways to do that is to talk about and examine situations, behaviors, motives, thoughts, feelings, etc.
As a sponsor, I do not necessarily question (as in challenge, doubt, or confront) the motives of a sponsee, but I try to help the sponsee explore her inner workings so she is aware of and understands her motives. Once we explore the basis (motive) of a decision, behavior, whatever, we then talk about steps and spiritual principles and how they might be incorporated.
As a sponsor, I share my experience, strength, and hope. The sponsee can take from that what she will. Having said that, I do not feel that it is my job to save my sponsees from mistakes and pain. All I can do is share my ES&H.
My sponsor works pretty much the same way.
Regarding the other part of your questions/topic:
I am an open and honest communicator. I'm direct and don't beat around the bush. At the same time, I'm gentle in my delivery and not pushy. I politely say exactly what I think once and let it go. Personally, I would rather tell the truth and risk a little pain in the relationship. But I don't really think this is a question about sponsorship. I think it depends more on the personality of the sponsor as well as his/her motives. As long as motives are based on spiritual principle, there is no problem.
So, no to feeling hurt. I would feel surprised if I had expected something other than what happened. I would most likely ask why the person chose to keep the information quiet rather than give me a clue. I have a feeling there is an important lesson in the answer to that question.
"They can be analyzed, counseled, reasoned with, prayed over, threatened, beaten, or locked up, but they will not stop until they want to stop."
Basic Text, p. 62
Perhaps one of the most difficult truths we must face in our recovery is that we are as powerless over another's addiction as we are over our own. We may think that because we've had a spiritual awakening in our own lives we should be able to persuade another addict to find recovery. But there are limits to what we can do to help another addict.
We cannot force them to stop using. We cannot give them the results of the steps or grow for them. We cannot take away their loneliness or their pain. There is nothing we can say to convince a scared addict to surrender the familiar misery of addiction for the frightening uncertainty of recovery. We cannot jump inside other peoples' skins, shift their goals, or decide for them what is best for them.
However, if we refuse to try to exert this power over another's addiction, we may help them. They may grow if we allow them to face reality, painful though it may be. They may become more productive, by their own definition, as long as we don't try and do it for them. They can become the authority on their own lives, provided we are only authorities on our own. If we can accept all this, we can become what we were meant to be - carriers of the message, not the addict.
Just for today: I will accept that I am powerless not only over my own addiction but also over everyone else's. I will carry the message, not the addict.
pg. 49
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I agree with what Blithe shared. My sponsors, both the first and the current one share with me the tools and the principles of the program that they have, help me work them so that the program throws light on my shit for myself when I work them as guided by my Sponsor.
The first thing that I heard my Sponsor tell me when I took one when I was few months clean was - "It's not the Sponsor who changes your life. It's the program that your Sponsor passes on to you that will."
It is the first thing that I make clear when I enter into a Sponsorship to this day...
Most of my first fourth step, it's the questions and my answers that brought my wrongs to the exposure of light for me to see myself clearly for what I am. Never did my Sponsor tell it on my face. Just guided me through those particular questions and helped me answer them to the best of my ability. The rest of it was clear to see.
Just my experiences and what has been passed on to me by my Sponsors.
Like what Raman shared, I don't judge any other methods that various of my friends in NA adopt with their sponsees as that is what has been passed on to them and that is how it works for them. The approach is not important as long as it is what NA program generally suggests and as long as IT WORKS
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I had a guy I was working with, great person on the outside but I saw a dark spirit inside that was killing him, the only thing keeping him alive was the desire to use he kept trying to stay clean but that spirit would take him over and he would let it, thats powerlessness at best. The very same powerlessness that I had in me and I shared everything I could about myself I shared what the program gave to me and what my higher power gave to me and how I am able to do this one day at a time .
But he's not done yet not done hitting the bottom and lousing everything in his life just to keep using, tossing loved ones aside. I wanted to physically beat his ass and pound it into his head, I wanted him to understand the cycle of this thing and that it could end up killing him but instead I stepped back.
He moved north, told him you take yourself wherever you go he didn't get it...
Left a few messages on his phone no longer calling me back stepping back again.
Hurts like hell watching others go threw this crap knowing they may die.
The labor is in our hands; The fruits of labor, Higher Power's!
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
