rollar coaster, up, down, up, down... thats life

thankful for the not so good stuff on my plate, that allows me to know when it IS good.

if i couldn't feel a pinch, then i wouldn't feel a kiss.

Feeling alone, yet knowing i am not. Truly i have a dis-ease, lonliness is at the heart of it, even though i am surrounded by love, my dis-ease gets rampant and wants me to be alone, wants me to suffer, that is my ego at full force, yet my spirit is strong, and whole and only knows love. Which one will i feed today?

People that i care about are down and out, falling into their disease, my heart hurts for them, i struggle with where to draw the line of holding them up, or simply just being there for them, how do i know if i am taking too much of a risk...

All i know for a fact today is that i care about me, wow, what a concept, that just for today, using is not an option, no matter what happens today, that i have spiritual principles that i can apply to whatever transpires today. That i have a HP of love that carries me when i can't or won't.

Tattoo, by Jordin Sparks

Oh, oh, oh
No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

[Chorus]
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
[Tattoo lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

I'll always have you, I'll always have you)

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could

Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind

[Chorus]
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you)

[Bridge]
If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do

[Chorus x2]
Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you

--------------------------------

i do have a tattoo over my heart, of a dragon, with butterfly wings, i got it when i was 21 years old, little did i know then what meaning it would have 20 years later.. my addiction and my past is a tattoo i will always have, it is a part of me, butterflies symbolize freedom, recovery is a part of me, tattooed on my heart. All encompassed by my HP

Today i will focus on listening to my heart, in order to do that i must be still.

thanks for reading my ramble, love ya
Wendy