i would love to be able to come into my house and feel at home. i would love it to be a place of rest and tranquility. if not this, then at least my own room.
i'm 17 and i live with my mother. we always go up and down with our emotions. right now i'm trying to quit using and it dosn't help to have your mother be a pain in the ass.
i feel like i'm slipping into depression. she dosn't know why i come home from work and hop into my bed. she dosn't understand why i dont want to be around her. right now i am in my room and i can hear her complaining about me to people on the phone. this is how it's been since i was 14. i feel so alone. i have talked to some people but nothing is helping my situation. last night i used. i just really don't know what to do anymore i don't think quitting will be possible until i am out of the house. it's just too much for me.
Thank you for sharing, Sylvia. Hope I can share this with you.
I came to realize in my early days of staying clean with the help of my Sponsor and from working the First Step after a long time of struggling with my family and their attitude to my situation that I'm not only powerless over my addiction, but also over people and situations. That I cannot change the way my parents or my relatives think or behave, that they are what they are, that I don't have to try to make them change. But I could change what is my my hands to with the help of the program. I could change the way I react to them, the way I perceive them. It was very difficult to practise, still is at times, but it is possible with the help of the NA program to let go of them and the way they are, and to not have to use just because someone threats me badly. I could reverse the process of blame that leads me to using and destroying myself, from giving my father or my brother the power to make me use. I could instead focus on myself alone and my recovery irrespective of the external factors. I can't possibly do it alone, but together with others in NA, and especially with the help of a Sponsor and the Steps, I can.
All that I went through in my early weeks or months or a year or two of recovery were temporary problems and situations that lasted only forawhile. They did go away when I chose to let it be and continue instead of what I must do to stay clean Just For Today and to continue to recover by working the Steps with the help of my Sponsor. The slogans "This Too Shall Pass" & "It Does Get Better" are a reality! These were the promises that I witnessed coming true in my recovery. I just need to stay clean and work the program Just For Today. There is a solution to every one of my problems and pain in these Steps if I just admit to myself that I can't do it alone and open my mind to a Power, any Power that could help me recover from my addiction.
NA Hugs & Fellowship Love, Tahir.
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
At some point using will not be na option and you will grab hold of this program, spiritual principles and down right ( not sure this is hte right word) STUBBORNESS and not use.
You see at some point we get to the end of our using and it stops working for us, all we feel is guilt knowing it's wrong for us to do. Thats the point of no return and all that is left is this program., no this isn't the only program in the world or even the last one on the block but it is one that works when your ready and its worked for millions of people who have came to that ending place.
It's a good program because not only does it help you to stop having reasons to use, it can help change the person we are into something functional and good.
Not that we're ALL BAD when using but theres somethings inside of us pent up and hurting, this sorta helps sort out the wounds, rip away the scars of pain and leaves us clean and ready to start all over again.
HEY you can do it at 15 or you can do it at 40 we do it when we're ready.
In the mean time we find a lot of excuses and reason why to use dope, at some point we realize we are only disseaving ourselves threw our addiction and trying to find a way out of how we're feeling.....
BUT HEY don't listen to me read what Tahir says and go with that LOL I followed him and others here ESH and I have about 18 months clean, you can have that too just start working the program bottom line.
Fear " We grow to feel comfortable with our Higher Power as a source of strength. As we learn to trust this Power, we begin to overcome our fear of life." Basic Text, page 24
Powerless as we are, living on self-will is a frightening, unmanageable experience. In recovery, we have turned our will and our lives safely over to the care of the God of our understanding. When we lapse in our program, when we lose conscious contact with our Higher Power, we begin to take control of our own lives again, refusing the care of the God of our understanding. If we do not make a daily decision to surrender our lives to the care of our Higher Power, we may become overwhelmed with our fear of life.
Through working the Twelve Steps, we've found that faith in a Power greater than ourselves helps relieve our fear. As we draw closer to a loving God, we become more conscious of our Higher Power. And the more conscious we are of God's care for us, the less our fears.
When we feel afraid, we ask ourselves, "Is this fear an indication of a lack of faith in my life? Have I taken control again, only to find my life still unmanageable?" If we answer yes to these questions, we can overcome our fear by turning our will and our lives back over to care of the God of our understanding.
Just for today: I will rely on the care of my Higher Power to relieve my fear of life. Page 15
one nite i came from a meeting feeling happy and good to be clean. I came home,, sat down to some TV and then it happened,, my mother,father and younger brother all ganged up on me and cursed me for all their troubles and that of my brothers. In fact i didnt evn have a sponsor then and it was terrifying not to be able to share that with anyone !! Ive learnt that many times family is offended because thats the way they are and sometimes we have caused very much hurt !! But rest assured that Higher Power will take us thru these tough times. Remember that tough times never last,but tough people do !!
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
thanks for the advice. my mom dosn't like to talk about things she just likes to pretend like they never happened so thats what i'm doing. it still hurts but i have tried talking to her many times and it just dosn't help may b even makes things worse.
Please try to remember that addiction is a family disease. It not only affects the addict, but everyone around her. It takes a lot of time for the dysfunction to get sorted out and truthfully, sometimes it never does. Sometimes the best we can do is take good care of ourselves and tolerate without harming those who remain in the grips of the dysfunction.
If it helps any, I am 47 and have been clean for 23 years and my dad still annoys the crap out of me. It is very VERY difficult to spend time with him or even talk on the phone with him. He is an incredibly damaged person who has been the victim of others' addictions for much of his life. I try to have empathy and compassion for him, but can only manage it in small doses before I just about lose my mind.
Your situation is more difficult because you live at home. What can you do? Try to feed yourself with positive people, activities, literature, etc. Take good care of yourself. Become your own best friend. Maybe even spoil yourself a bit. I'm sorry to say it, but you will have to mother yourself since your own mother is unable to do it. If you were your mother, how would you treat you? And that's exactly what to do.
my God Blithe,, im getting heavy identification,,,, its my mom,, family all addicts,, most to alcohol,, her father, brothers, sons ,husband,, sisters are crazy in their own right,,, and right thru all that shes never been any of that,, I thank her a lot,,, but till few months ago even icouldnt talk with her without getting crazy myself,, no matter what Step I treid to practice, it was back to square one, sometimes Ive even wished my mother wasnt there at all,, at others im greatful for whats shes been to me and my daughter that I bring up as a single parent father,,, ma and me have lived under the same roof for most of my life !!! its gotten better,, sometime si feel weird like a 46 year old mamas boy,,, but also know that isnt true,,, in fact she is sonny s mama !!! ha,ha,ha !!!
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I frequently feel guilty that I can't/don't/won't spend more time with my dad. I try to do small bits of time rather than big chunks and even during those small chunks, I have to really fake it. Ah well, it's the best I can do for now. Compared to the past (I actually spat on him once), I'd say I'm doing much better!
Hi Sylvia, sounds like you are going through some tough times. I feel for you. I think most family members have a hard time coming to grips with problems like addiction. I know my family wants it swept under the carpet and we never speak about it. This disease can be controlled pretty easily once you really decide you want to control it. Addicts are the toughest people I know. Hope some of what I said helps.
kenh
__________________
God is the only one you can depend on in recovery.
Dean ken, wonderful to read your posts again, NA Hugs.
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Thanks Tahir, I am reading the posts all the time. I post once in a while. I don't do enough NA reading to give out good suggestions. So all of your posts really mean alot to me. Keep them coming.
kenh
__________________
God is the only one you can depend on in recovery.
