Hi family...im becci (pronounced Becky) and i am new to this web site...my sponser suggested i try to meet some new people, as im feeling a little alone. I live in a small town and there are close to no people my age in recovery. I have just celebrated my 1st year clean and sober and Im thinking about using more than ever. I refuse to throw away this time I have put together and I love being clean, but the thoughts are there! Maybe some1 can give me some feedback from past experiances with negative thoughts of relapse....I go to tons of meetings, have a homegroup, have a great sponser, have a chairperson commitment...but i still cant shake these thoughts and feelings. Help...please...Becci.
Hi Becci and welcome to MIC. You are a one year miricale. I am not the best one to advise you because I only have 4 months clean. I do get those creepy feelings of wanting to use some times, I just try to focus on the good things that have happened to me since being clean, not having to lie every day, no stealing, being a part of society, gaining respect from people etc etc. This works for me. There are many other NA members here that can give you better advice. I hope this helps some.
Clean and Serene, Kenh.
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God is the only one you can depend on in recovery.
Hello Becci... I'm new and not the best to advise, but when I start to have those thoughts I just think about getting through *today*. If that doesn't work, I think about getting through the next hour. Heck, sometimes I reward myself for getting through the next 15 minutes! Every moment is another victory... Congrats!
i have six months clean. and i know one thing for sure that we are not alone in na. we have family here. i had to start all over because i made a mistake of using again after having six years clean. when the times get tough ask for help people here will help you.
Hi Becky welcome and Congratulations, there aren't many who can go a year clean so you have made it threw a lot of hoops to get here.
Now the idea is to stay put, we all get thoughs thoughts I have them now and then I take a full inventory of where my mind is at and my feelings so I can identify whats sets me off, then I know what I need to work on.
Usually they are feelings that i'm uncomfortable with, hungry angry lonely and tired are the first 4 I look at, if it's not that then I go deeper something unsettling inside is wanting relief. What we get from the program I think is that relief maybe just by facing it, maybe talking about it with another or others but get it off your chest its a wieght we can't afford to carry around.
Somethings are hard to identify and thats where the group comes in to help but first you have to share it. Open you mouth in the meetings share from the heart let it out scream it out if you have to.
Sometimes when in a meeting I start crying because I start sharing from my heart and things poor out, I mostly go to men only meetings and I still feel safe enough there to cry at times, we're all human and most of us are pretty damned sensitive and I guess we don't handle feelings in the right way? or we don't know just how to let ourselves feel them and open up about them?
Anyhow I hope your able to identify what it is thats causing this discomfort, I only call it that because thats the only time I personally want to use when I am not at peace with something inside of me, hope that helps.
Hi Becky,,, my thoughts are = its as if people expect an addict never to crave again for drugs or have using thoughts just because we are in recovery as long as w did not use today, were doing something right well some experience i had= in early days i never did have any cravings,, i was too happy t be clean. then life gave me another chance at it,,i began getting some success in my life. One morning i had a vivid experience Im sitting there tallying my accounts and find i have a good sized profit. I close the book,, and i have a thought= "Thu,,,i wish id had this when using" its like i for a moment believed that if id had this sort of money success in my using days, then at least i could have enjoyed it. And i find that no matter how long ive stayed clean thoughts like that do come,, especially when I fail to accept that my life is unmanageable. Sometimes however Ive just wanted to isolate ,, especially when judged adversely,rejected etc.. The Text also cautions me an addict to be careful in good times too !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
and can u imagine that right now Im going crazy tring to figure where i lost the storage card of my mobile phone,,,and berating myself for not being more careful !! soemtimes life becomes real unmanageable,,, but believe me theres a FORCETHATKEEPSADDICTSLIKEUSCLEANANDSSERENE!!! (please read that thru !!!)
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
but i still cant shake these thoughts and feelings. Help...please...Becci.
Hi Becci, I also get using thoughts from time to time after having been in recovery for about 3 and a half years now. And I know that I'll continue to get these thoughts even after a decade or two clean It's ok, I have come to know that it's natural for an addict like me to get using thoughts, after all I still have the disease of addiction that affects me mentally too, meaning my thoughts.
But I don't have to shake these thoughts, in fact, I can't as my First Step says. And when I can't shake these thoughts because I'm powerless over these thoughts, I can't act on those thoughts too for the same reason. I let them come and die their natural death instead. No more fighting using thoughts. I surrender through my first three steps, and as soon as I've done that, I allow myself to not use just because my head says so. INACTION IS THE MAGIC WORD. I don't act on these thoughts. And yes, as I stay clean for longer and longer working the program in my daily life, these thoughts diminish in their frequency and potency.
Moreover, I can use these using thoughts to my advantage through an iventory to assess where I stand in my recovery when these thoughts occur, and to recommit to the basics of NA more rigorously.
Just my experiences
Welcome to MIP, NA Hugs.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
a joke i heard the co founder of another Fellowship was on his deathbed,,having seen 400 odd years in recovery. The time was near,,so they revealed the true nature of his condition. our man was very graceful !! He had developed a great sense of humour,, so he did joke one last time whne he told em "hey look,, gimme a couple of shots so i can !@#$ off in peace" Ha,ha,ha !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
One day at a time! Isn't that a Beautiful saying? All we have is just today to think about, not tomarrow, not yesterday, just today. Do you know how many times I have wanted to quit, give up, throw in the towel and even at times I have been so low I have wanted to commit suicide? I never acted it on it though You see I also suffer from Co-Occuring Disorders. That means I am Bi-Polar as well as being an ALcoholic and addict. I am also disabled with A typical Rheumatic Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, CFIDS. But I am SO BLessed.
Here is a few BLessings SOBER in Recovery: I/We have a wonderful Loving, kind, Forgiving GOD. WHom I LOVE HONOR and SERVE. I have a great Husband that LOVES me and I LOVE HIM. I am coming up on a 14 year Birthday next month, February 19, 1994 I have an only SON I adore. My parents are still alive and married going on 61 years. I have awesome friends in and out of the program. My Dog Loves me. I Love Her Too!
What are your Blessings? I am certain that you can think of a few right now so count and list them.
It's ok, I have come to know that it's natural for an addict like me to get using thoughts, after all I still have the disease of addiction that affects me mentally too, meaning my thoughts.
