so it is christmas eve morning here... my girls just got picked up by their dad, i really do try to pray for him, but he really ticks me off, he told my youngest that if she is just coming for the night not to bother and stay home... it is the holidays, isn't it about caring and sharing??..ok enough poor me on that subject... Money is stresssing me out big time, it is about being together, but i feel the need to make sure every one is happy...now i am broke. My nieces came for the holidays...a couple more gifts to buy was the last of my money. Tonight i am going to see my family...that is where i last drank and drugged, that in itself is stress enough, i am the first in my family to get clean...they are party animals. So if need be i will leave early and drive back to my town, but then have to drive back tomorrow to pick my girls up so we can share christmas dinner together, not cost efficient for me but what will be will be.
ok, some positives...last christmas i lived in a womens shelter, today i have my amazing space, i haven't had both my girls living with me for 5 years, today i have them both :), i came to this small city with the clothes on my back, today i have 3 garbage bags full to give away.. i have a vehicle i have a job i love, i have my HP and a program that is teaching me principles to live by, i have people who care about me and love me, including you, thankyou!!
I have come a long way this last year... i am forever grateful.
i have been cranky and really stressed the last couple of days, no couple of weeks actually... i am going to try my hardest to put that behind me and really enjoy TODAY..with a grateful heart.
For every thing i think about that is negative surely there are a couple of positives.
I guess to coming up to my year cleantime i really need to remember that it is a high relapse time and stay on top of that, my sponsor has gone out of town for the holiday so i hope you don't mind me rambling here. I need you.
So i am putting cabbage rolls together today for 2 families...my work and mine. By the way...my boyfriend and i are still together, that is a whole other topic.
merry, merry christmas to you, you are my first family, this is my first home, may peace and serenity be yours this season, full of love and heart smiles.
Love you too, Wendy, thank you for sharing the positivities of life NA Hugs.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
PMS...thats a good one.. soon to be post medallion sydrome.. oops... back to today :)
There is one thing that is bugging me today.. \my sponsor told me she would call me over her holiday and she hasn;'t, she also didn't leave a number for me to call.. Powerless? you betcha!
Christmas turned out wonderfully, my dad gave me 200 bucks so that really helped!!
The first thing that hit me when i walked in the door was pot odor... ewe the second was a huge beer and clam sitting on the counter.. ewe it looked so good...but only for a minute, i got over it...then in walks one of my sisters friends,, all fried-eyed... ewe Thankfully though, they had had a party the previous saturday night so christmas eve was just mostly family and mostly quiet. Most everyone was drinking.. it mostly didn't bother me though, we left about 11 pm. Dinner was awesome!! Drove back christmas day to pick up my girls..crap... 10 minutes out of town i put us in the ditch!!!! first time that has ever happened to me!! scared the crap out of me!! Thankfully my boyfriends dad came and pulled us out with his 4x4 which we traded vehicles and drove his truck to the city. Apparently i need new front tires...
skip to boxing day.. we were invited out to a lake cabin by some fellow programmers... made a wrong turn... ended up at the bottom of an icy hill and couldn't get back up it... by this time all i want to do is go home and veg on the couch...had enough!!!
we did make it to their cabin though... a bonfire outside, ( which we weren't told, therefore weren't dressed for...) no matter was fun all the same, got to make bush pies for the first time...yummy!!! stayed about an hour and a half then went home. How my HP is looking after me?? on top of all the above?? I sold 300 dollars in jewelry yesterday!!!!!
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I was so glad to read this this morning. It brings up allknds of feelings for me. Most of them good. Christmas Day this year was very quite for me. Just me and the critters. Then my neighbor called and she was alone also so we put out food together and had a really good dinner. My Mom is in a nursing hom this year. She's been with me for the past 8 years and I felt so sad. But when go see her sh'e settling in and has a life there that is fille dwith fun and friends instead of staying here all alone wheil I'm at work. So the change is good and I'm grateful. I guess I'm just feeling out of sorts today and wanted to talk about being grateful. It amazes me how just saying a few words turn my who outlook around. I'm going on to my day and it feels different. Thanks for this post. Deb
NA Hugs.
