yea I am doing my best to make my health better but I cannot help but wonder why my body has aged faster than my years I have several health problems have since I was a child not knowing why but I remember a song my Grand-father used to sing called "Yard full of children" there is a verse that says "momma when I get to heaven will the angels let me play, or will they say I am a cripple and I will just get in the way" I still wonder that today, I wonder if the way my life is what it will always be, alone with no one to share the good and the bad with. Maybe this is cause the holidays are near or maybe it is because I am too scared to put myself out there to be hurt once again. My life has had more pain than pleasure. Is this it? Is there more? If so how do I embrace it? Have I reached a point of isolation that I cannot turn back? Tell me there is hope for me yet let me know I have a long life ahead with many ppl and pleasures. Too much ask?? Dunno you tell me.......
hi,,, well let me give you a cyber hug first and tell you its going to be all right !! next..ive learnt that I,, man,, propose, God disposes !! many times its ben apply apply but no reply,,so lern hat i wil get from God only what i wil be able to keep !! we are entitled to the plannig and footwork,, but the resluts are God wil and will come in its own time !1 i remember last year after i fell ill,,, i thoght that at least the people who knew of my sickness will be kind with me,,,a hospitalisation and surgery leaves one drained of positive energy till someone loves you back,,, my little girl did that for me,,im very greatful to her for her love and attention,, many NA members were intolerant of my weakness and only a few supported me thru that convalascence,,, like my sponsor,one guy from mumbai and one or two here !! my coworkers in music were ok,,,but not really lenient,, and expected me to work the same way as before,,get me to play well and do all the hard work and then try and take my trip,,,
well so it is that the world and its people are like that only,,, and its up to our own Good selves to motivate us,,, waiting for outside motivation is wong,,, I believe!!!! may the Gods of recovery work overtime in your case aas hey did in mine,,, justme,,,im there for yo,,, JUST BRING OUT ALL ENERGY DRAINING THOUGHTS AND SHARE EM,,ILL BE THE FIRST ONE TO READ EM,, REMEMBER THAT PAIN SHARED IS PAIN LESSENED,, ILL SHARE THAT WITH YOU !!!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
It can be challenging to be single around the holidays. It is also challenging when life in general is not as we wish it to be.
I, too, have had some very alone and sad times. I have also struggled with health issues. There have been times when I have wondered why I even bother trying.
At the time I only knew that something inside was not quite ready to give up. Perhaps I had a spark of hope.
Today I can say that I'm glad I didn't give up. My life has improved beyond my wildest dreams.
How did that happen?
I believed when people told me it would get better. I believed when they told me that working the steps could teach me a new way of life.
I got honest and worked hard on my recovery.
I learned about acceptance and began to accept my self and my path just as they are today. Once I found acceptance, I stopped wishing for another me and another life. I discovered that I have more to offer just being me at this very moment in time.
jst for today,, i accept myself for who i am, what I am and where i am,, also knowing that many love me as I love them,, and those that dont inspite of me loving em,,, well i guess it isnt supposed to be(as yet !) and that God has Blessed me with Abundance,,, so why worry fr what I dont have yet ??
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Driving home from gold prospecting this song came on and I thought of you Manon.
She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati On a snow white Christmas Eve Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline It'd been a long hard year She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention she was going way too fast Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass She saw both their lives flash before her eyes She didn't even have time to cry She was sooo scared She threw her hands up in the air
Jesus take the wheel Take it from my hands Cause I can't do this on my own I'm letting go So give me one more chance To save me from this road I'm on Jesus take the wheel
It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder And the car came to a stop She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock And for the first time in a long time She bowed her head to pray She said I'm sorry for the way I've been living my life I know I've got to change So from now on tonight
Jesus take the wheel Take it from my hands Cause I can't do this on my own I'm letting go So give me one more chance To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel Oh, I'm letting go So give me one more chance Save me from this road I'm on From this road I'm on Jesus take the wheel Oh, take it, take it from me Oh, why, oh
It always seems darkest before the dawn. My Guru once said, "Don't expect miracles, count on them!" and many years after what he said, this program has made it possible for me to do so...
There is a Higher Power who is loving you and taking care of you now at this very moment!
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
The longer i stay clean the more I see how my higher power and this program work together as one, I have the directions on what to do, I have the higher power taking me to where i need to be it just takes doing on my part and faith which grows and grows each time I am taken safely to where i want to be in the first place. I have wrecked to many time to keep trying my way, I am an out of control driver when at the wheel LOL....
I count on miracles today just like Tahir mentioned and they've happened so often I don't even question anything anymore I do lack absolute faith at times but I put faith back in front of what i lack, if that makes sense
the one thing I remain grateful for is that no matter how bad things seem I no longer have to get high over it I appreciate your support and all your kind word I have been questioning my HP for awhile but the faith that remains is in knowing I have not achieved my clean time alone Love Me
Rayne,, I wanted to share somethng with you,, i jope you will identify and understand= We as recovering addicts have been told to change old playgrounds,old playmates and old playthings. But what do I do when they come in a new form,,, take for example the social clubs I belong in. I have been given membership n few clubs here,, by virtue of some money i paid or my fathers good offices or being recognised !! I like this because it affords me a level of "respectability",,"social acceptability" and the likes. However I am really carful not to be there for any vicarious pleasure,, I decide what I want to do there do it and go away,,, im in trouble when i get involved in the sideline hustling,politics etc. I love playing billiards,,, walking in he park there,,, getting a massage,, entertaining friends at dinner,, taking my daughter there for a swim,meeting other members and also the library. this is a wonderful distraction,, in many instances ive formed good friendships, gotten sage advice on matters that I dont know of,,, and also many times have defec ts surfaced,,forcing me to practice the Principles. Last nite too there was an altercation with a particular member who i dislike,,I find him too loud,, ushy and aggresive. Moreover I havent found any reaso to be his friend at all,, but he smmes hell bent on gettin my attention. Last nite there was a showdown when he wihout any provocation to him passed a very weird unacceptable remark on me,, i then let him have it. so the sickness was on,,then I begin to notice hat i may have done better to actually complain in writing on this guy rather than reacting like this,, things can go haywire when we react,, in fact im greatful to two other club members who i have a lot of respect for,, one of em an oldtimer who suggested using intelligence and writing a complaint rather than reacting,,, another member who i look up to was the first one i called and shared my hurt with,, I believe he understood and supported me when he said e will talk to this troublesome member !! to sum it up,, im greatful ive been informed in recovery that '" BOTH GOOD AND BAD CAN HAPPEN IN ONE DAY AND IF IGNORE THE BAD THEN I MAY MISS OUT AN OPPURTUNIY TO GROW" (to keep it simple i term experiences as good and bad,,in rder to decide which i shall keep an charish and which of hose il look at and decide "boy i never want that to happen again") thanks for letting me share a painful momen of yesterday,, after all id had a reat day 1.i played music for Christmas lunch to great applause 2.i chatted a long while and shared good feelings with my girlfireind 3.good feelings withthe family 4.had a nicewalk too 5.nice feeling playing billiards 6.some useful shopping 7.greeting strangers,, never fails to work for my self esteem boost !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
