i barely slept the last few nights... my boyfriend got drunk on sunday. I know its his stuff not mine but it hurts.. my sponsor says that sick feeling in my gut is anger..mixed with hurt.. so i told him i can't see him for a while...my recovery comes first..i must be safe.
sigh..
i am struggling with what to do. I told him from the beginning if he uses in any form we are done. I miss him.
i don't want to live my days wondering if my partner is relapsing.
i love him, i don't love the addiction. i so understand where he is right now, i've been there, that seems to make this even harder. Through this all i have had a few using thoughts myself, normal. i don't want to feel these feelings. I refuse to give up the life that my hp has entrusted me with for the last year, i am committed to celebrating my first year birthday coming up.
i sent him a text this morning telling him we need to meet and talk. so now its what am i going to say...whats in my heart, i know.
Addiction f..n sucks. just takes and takes and takes..
do i give him another chance, who am i to judge?? i really try not to set expectations, and thought i wasn't, then why do i feel like i do.
do i take back the xmas gifts
do i spend xmas alone now?? my girls are going to see their dad
I don't know what to say to you W, except to send you much Love.... Actually damnit I do. You put yourself and your recovery first. You know this. You can give him his xmas presents. But if he's not putting his own recovery first then... you know without me having to say it where it's all going to lead. You'll both drag one another down. Do you really want to go down that road?
When I was in teatment they recommened no relationships for the first year.When I first logged onto this site and introduced myself to you all it was with a relationship issue question. In the beginning we are not strong enough to cope with recovery and all the issues that come along with it as well as a relationship. A relationship with another addict must be even more complicated. W, you need to protect yourself. You need to be your own, first priority. Be strong girl. Even if it means saying goodbye. I hate the way I sound. But I've seen addicts in relationships cause one another to relapse and I don't want it to happen to you.
Anyway, see what others think, don't just take it on my advice.
my sponosr guided me iwth a great thought for difficult time= '""LET GO WITH LOVE,LET GO WITH UNDERSTANDING,LET GO AND LET GOD,,,,"" So please God,, let that help Wantneeda in her difficult times ,,, which is now !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Pray and meditate and listen you'll hear the solution.
You can support someone but you dont have to hold them up and sometimes letting go gets a person closer to there bottom, we addicts need to know just exactly how much damage not just to ourselves but to others we cause.
I had my Aunt tell me once the only thing that came out of my mouth were lies and my Mother once told me I wasn't a good son, my Dad wanted to put me out of there misery held a gun to my head , my cousin told me that I was a very hurtful person to everyone in our family and I'm sure others had there thoughts about me , I was scum.
All of that brought me closer to getting clean and it was all hurtful to hear but I needed the truth.
I am not that person today because I finally realized it just wasn't worth the loss and pain and the damage that I caused and I took responsibility finally for my addiction, then I started to heal.
Love you Wendy my thoughts and prayers will be with you .
