Hey, My name is Olivia and I am an addict. I started in the rooms about 5 Years ago, stayed sober for a Year and then relapsed, I've been in and out of the rooms, and by that I mean once or twice a year, I guess just to say hello and see if anything has changed. I have not been clean since that first year. For a long time I've convinced myself that since I haven't done my drug of choice or any illegal drugs since then , then I'm ok, but I've recently realized that I'm not ok. I'm not ready to go back into the rooms and I may never be "ready" but, thats why I searched for an online community, to build my hope and faith back up and maybe lead myself back to where I belong. I am ready for a change! Thanks for reading!
The fact that you're reaching out here (or anywhere) and staying connected on some level shows a degree of willingness. Our program is about honesty, openmindedness and willingness. Welcome. I don't come to the boards very often, but there's an incredible amount of experience, strength and hope to be found. When I came into the rooms I managed to stay clean for thirty days before my first relapse, eleven months before my second and I have ten months clean now. I pray that there won't be another relapse. I had to commit to the program and surrender my disease to the God of my understanding. Part of that commitment was attending 90 meetings in 90 days. I was told if I still wanted to use after that then my misery was refundable at the door on my way out. I have to remember that the drug use is just a symptom of my disease and just because I'm not putting the dope in doesn't mean that my disease isn't running rampant in other areas. Keep coming back.
It is definitely a start, Olivia, coming here and trusting some folks with your thoughts and feelings and fears. I have been in and out myself, so I understand. But I have kept coming back, regardless of the fears inside, and my life has become significantly better because of it.
Welcome, and looking forward to sharing the journey with you.
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Your story is just like mine, and thats exactly what I did, and I wasn't ready either. One day I just went back I showed up and listened and realized this is a severe progressive disease that is in all areas of our lives even when were not using. ....that was so hard for me to understand and the only way I was going to help myself was doing those steps through the workbook is a good suggestion and now I can see my lifes patterns that old behaivor usually when i am hurt i sabotage myself... I needed to stop doing these things and start understanding myself and learning new behaivor... I am doing so much better today, Life is wonderful today. Thankyou for sharing with us
