You guys, i was really content, maybe even happy at times in my recovery prior to the pain killers.. they really crushed me emotionally for a little bit there, and i'm still dealing with a bit of hardcore depression that has resurfaced with a vengance because of thise.. but tonight i feel pretty decent, i'm not sure why, i'm still in a ton of pain from my tooth extractions. (dry socket now cuz of smoking! yes, i'm stupid..) but i dunno i feel for the first time in a few days goin all out in my recovery again, and i discovered this amazing song tonight too, that gives me inspiration, it's like acting hopeless at first, but realizing you have to put in sum effort to get unstuck..
"Blame it on Bad Luck" -Bayside
Pound my knuckles hard against the floor. My head against the wall. But I did this to myself. Assume it's just not worth getting back up So I'll blame it on bad luck and I'll shake responsibility.
I spent some time in a bad place at 18, wishing I could see something through clear eyes. Do you ever wake up to realize your life is meaningless? Does it give you strength or lead you to your grave at a young age?
Pound my knuckles hard against the floor. My head against the wall. But I did this to myself. Assume it's just not worth getting back up So I'll blame it on bad luck and I'll shake responsibility, yeah.
It seems that when I ran away from my past, all my dignity, my faith, my pride got left back. But now I think it's time I realize self pity's meaningless. Though I'm 10 feet deep, I'll claw my way back out from in my grave.
Pound my knuckles hard against the floor. My head against the wall. But I did this to myself. Assume it's just not worth getting back up So I'll blame it on bad luck and I'll shake responsibility and say a hard life did this to me.
But now I realize I'd give anything I have to walk a day in my old shoes. Wondering what my first smoke would be like, my first fuck, my next fuck up. The next band that would change my life, and it changed my life, and it changed my life.
Pound my knuckles hard against the floor. My head against the wall. But I did this to myself. Assume it's just not worth getting back up so I'll blame it on bad luck. I'll shake responsibility and say a hard life did this to me.
Nice tune.....I swear, we are the best at creating our own bad luck! But guess what? We can change that....and create our own luck and happiness without using dope.
Don't be so hard on yourself about the pills; take it as a lesson learned my friend. It's hard to totally surrender and realize the dope just isn't gonna do it anymore; we do get depressed; our lover is dead to us; we pick ourselves up with help from our friends and we learn to live life without using anything to make us feel better.
We have the power to feel better, it's deep inside of us. Get the crap out and put some new stuff in, that's what I did. And man, does it ever feel amazing today to know, just for today, I will never have to use again. I have a choice today; one I didn't have in my active addiction.
Accept who you are today, you're a great guy with a few problems....just like the rest of us guys and gals around these rooms :)
NA Love and Hugs.....so glad you're sticking and staying!!!
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Just For Today....I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.
You just keep going Scott and hang in there and stay opened up your going to get this thing called recovery, it starts with abstinance and thats a tough chore enough for a junky, IT GETS BETTER AND it gets easier .
Recovery is a roller coaster ride for sure!!! sorry for your tooth pain, i can relate... been avoiding those dentist visits myself..actually had a dream the other night that all my teeth were falling out...scary.. someone told me that means i am worried bout what someone is thinking about me... definitely one of my defects.
Depression is anger turned inward... or energy with nowhere to go... apply your program, and keep sharing, face to face and here with us, it diminishes its power.
If you want to stop doing drugs...ya gotta stop doing drugs :)
I am in Recovery and I have had Dry Socket more than I can count over the years because I am older, 52 now. If you have a sponsor and he is working with you, you shouldn't suffer for painful dental work. No one should as long as they take there medication as prescribed. I have Fibromyalgia CFIDS and Chronic Pain so maybe my situation is a bit different than yours is.
When I had a Hysterectomy and other invasive surgeries I have had to take medication. But my husband layed out the right amount and that was it. I used to drink, smoke, and do cocaine. All of which I haven't done for almost 14 years February 19th. As long as you are honest with yourself, your Sponsor and your Doctor and Dentist. I haven't lost my Sobriety because of pain management. Drug seeking behavior is a little bit different than managing pain when you have serious pain from surgery or chronic illness.
It is my prayer for you that you quit smoking so that you won't have any physical illness from nicotine that you will need invasive surgery for. I also pray for your continued healing on that dry socket it hurts like a bugger.
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Hi Scott. I must admitt it's nice to know that there's someone else out there going through teeth problems. In the old days NOTHING would have gotten between me and the STRONGEST pain killers possible as well as headache tablets for the accompanying head and neck pain I'm suffering. The only remedy I've found is warm water and a lie down whenever I can.
The music that relieves my mood...
" It's like I'm paranoid, looking over my back It's like a whirlwind inside of my head It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin"
Linkin Park's Papercut.
I went to a meeting last week were the topic was the 'gift of desperation'. I never thought of desperation as a gift before. But after a couple of people spoke I understood. Desperation didn't force me into treatment, my family did. I stayed in rehab because otherwise they would have had me committed. My counsellors - because they're a special group of people then managed in the time they had to turn me from the dark side of the force. Now, with the clarity I have; I see that I was headed one of three ways. To jail, institutions or death. And my desperation to stay clean, Keeps me from picking up again. Picking up that painkiller for my teeth, or that drink so I can sleep off the pain.
Hi Chedza, welcome to Miracles In Progress Group of NA. Yes, I never thought that despair could be a gift to begin with too...
Good lyrics, this papercut song, like it's talking about the committee in my head, the disease of addiction Shall check out the song rightaway, long time since I tripped on Linkin...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
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Shall check out the song rightaway, long time since I tripped on Linkin...
