yup..listening to my heart on this one currently on step 2 in the step guide was my downfall last time in recovery..the elevator was still out of order and i was trying to get by on the escalator.....lol...actually thats not funny...
ye Vini and wantneeda,,, this evening im trying to figure out why i cheated myself from certain victory in a snooker match !! the habit of living in the moment and also seeing reality asit is is something i can benefit from a lot ,,, the Steps are about staying clean and and and serene !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
and whenevr i refuse to acknowledge that theres fear,,, i end up disturbed and angry !!! So im doing my 10,11,12 on that and letting it go,,, as otherwise ive had a great day !!! Jusy for today I will have a Program and try to folow it to the best of my ability !!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Working the steps has helped me to come out of denial to see and accept the wreckage of my past as well as the parts I played. The steps have helped me to see myself more realistically and to face my not-so-pretty characteristics, aka defects of character. The steps have taught me spiritual principles and have given me the courage to live by them. Through all of this, I have gained love for and acceptance of myself and others, and a peaceful acceptance of my journey through life even when it's not going my way.
two thnigs Im practicing conciously now are 1.Patience= everyone knows that this is,,,, sometimes I am and sometimes not,,as I prctice more of it the times when i patient are increasing. A new area to focus this is in my love affair with my newly found lady love,, it looks like Patience is going to be the key to a succesful relationship ,, 2.Acknowledgement of feelings= sometimes i feel in a way that dosent seem appropriate,,like when im supposed to be upset im calm and when supposed to be calm im upset. This happens sometimes and im surprised when it does,,, because I believed that certain events /incidents/objects are supposed to evoke particular feelings I thought or had been shown to be appropriate !!! One wasnt to feel anything else but that!!! examples= 1.when I lose,,,money,match,relationship,deal,, i was taught that a good "sporting" loser can never be a winner and will be a victim for the rest of his/ her life till they learn to be "bad"losers !!! my inventory shows that sometimes im a "good"loser and sometimes a "bad" one !! being a "good" loser means that in order to preserve serenity,sanity and reputation I go away froma bad deal,match,relationship,incident without protest or other any other show of displeasure /hurt/upset feelings. While this maybe a "socially acceptable"mode of behaviour this attitude keeps me feeling victimised and afraid to face such situations /persons again !! i feel miserable !~!! so what do i need to do in keeping with Honesty,,,, the First Indespensible Spiritual Principle of Recovery !! express my true feelings and thoughts and observations and thereby earn displeasure and disapproval ! I developed the 'keep silent" "resign yourself to it attitude froim early days in recovery and later too,, in orderto be seen by other members as a good recovering addict who deserves to be elected to service positions 2. a month or so ago,,,I had a major accomplishment !!and when my opponent didnt conjrajulate me,, i was upset and frustrated, instead of enjoying and celebrating my victory !!!Ive been on an emotional jag ever since and it is showing in my game and attitude of enthusiasm,,, so im thinking how to change my lack of self appreciation !!! and develop a willingness to stay with good feelings and enjoyable emotions rather than the usual addict habit of self loathing and fear of success !
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
'Recovery isnt always a pleasure{BT pg ?"not adverbatim") Great insights Tahir,,, infact what you shared reminds me that the wise ones wil choose the Good over the pleasent !!! because pleasure is great but sometimes it hasnt necessarily led me towards more goodness in my life !!! I think in a addict like me the pleasure seeking is so strong that one recoils from pain !!!
Most of my using however was based on reaction to pain,,, iused caused i felt pain= pain of withdrawl,pain of rejection,pain of failure etc !!! so now this means that though one does feel pain now and then that isnt necessarily a Good thing either,,, I admit wrong and move on !!! An old wisdom says "TRULY BLESSED IS HIM/HER THAT CAN TAKE BOTH PAIN AND PLEASURE,SUCCESS AND FAILURE,PRAISE AND CRITISISM IN THE SAME STRIDE AND NOT DIVERT FROM THE CHOSEN GOAL !!" Now due to the confusing nature of these things one needs to look at the 10th Step Prayer= God show me what i did right and wrong today , show me how I can better live and serve Thy Will tommorow ! all in all I sincierly believe that one has the right and is entitled to feel good !! the BT also says that what we want to do most of all is to feel good about ourselves and what we are doing !!! I need to feel Good !!!!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
-- Edited by Raman at 06:20, 2007-11-26
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
