So i went to chicago this weekend to visit my friend, the one who ODed 2 weekend ago when i was visiting, anyway, she is still using, and she picked me up from the airport and before i had a say in anything we drove to the west-side (which is the ghetto of chicago) and picked up her friend (who happens to be in a gang?) and he was drunk off his ass and insisted on driving her car, and continued to drink while driving, oh yeah, and he decided to bring his little 13 month old baby with us, without a fucking car seat!? so i was sitting in the back holding onto this baby for dear life praying we don't get into a car wreck, or pulled over, so for two whole fucking hours he drove us around the ghetto messing around, and tracking down his dude on the corner to get some dope, you guys, that is the most sketch place ever, there was a blue flashing light with a camera taking picture of the inside of your car on every corner, we must have had like 10 near cops pull us over, we were just lucky to dip out of certain streets fast enough? anyway they decided to shoot up in the car infront of the baby, i did my best to distract him, but i think he knew something was up, you guys it took every fucking ounce of my will power not to use, and being in that situation looking back has turned me off of ever wanting to use again, how do i put myself into these rediculous situations? cuz that is not me at all
Scott, glad you made it out of that scary situation safely. Please try not to get into those situations. Recently, you shared about beginning to find new recovering friends in NA, please focus on those. When I usually go out of town for a visit to any other place, I check out the NA meeting locations from our official NA website www.na.org, note down the contact numbers and call them as soon as I land up in their town.
Connecting with these new members, making their meetings, hanging out with them whenever I could on my travel helps me stay focused and to experience the spiritual power of the program in my life. Try it next time you visit Chicago. I'm sure you'll be glad you did.
You're too precious a being to lose, Scott. Please stay with us. We need you.
Hugs, love, light.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I have a phobia of phones? i know i know, i have a few good days clean, and then i feel like superman, that i can handle situations like that.. anyway, lesson learned, i want nothing to do with anyone or anything connected with drugs, because the things that happen around those people and places is so absurd and risky that i dont even know what to think.
((((((((((((((((scott))))))))))))))))))))))) glad u didnt use man :). i know wat u mean about having a phone phobia lol. i did 2, till my sponser started breaking me of it lol. ur doing a good job, keep it up!! together we can make it through! =D
Im not doing any self righteous stuff here Scott,,, ha,ha,ha that was funny,, thrilling,,,movie like ,but downright dangerous too !! I bet you were thinking "how in hell did this @#$%^&*happen again?" or "Oh boy,,, here we go again @#%%%%!" when the action began to get out of hand
y know,, if i was a knuckle head then its ok ,,, but being intelligent,clean addicts we need to take a break from old friends and playgrounds,, 'hang round a barber shop long enuff and youll sooner than later get a hair cut,,, even if you didnt want one !!!" Take care bud ,, love ya just the way you are !!!
-- Edited by Raman at 02:50, 2007-10-16
-- Edited by Raman at 02:54, 2007-10-16
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Know that each one of us who has responded here has care and concern about you, just like each of us is cared for in NA, over the years. Isn't it amazing that we, of varying and different background, nationality, creed and culture vouch for each other just because we care unconditionally for each other, and want the best for every addict who walks into the NA rooms?
There's no better example of selflessness than this act of empathy and unconditional love for each other that we have. Thank you all, reading each of your posts here has reaffirmed my belief too, that the ties that bind us together are the ties of care, love and compassion that NA infuses in each of us.
Now, why would I want to go out with self-centered (not their fault, but still they are so because of their using) using addicts again and not want any of what you kindred spirits have to offer?
Scott, I was wondering if you've identified a NA Sponsor by now in your local fellowship and started working the steps... Because, for me, what eventually worked was not so much the the do's and dont's, if I was able to do and not do this stuff, I'd have long time back, probably when my using got a bit serious. Being an addict, I couldn't, as I was (and AM) POWERLESS AND UNMANAGEABLE. What really made a difference for me in practically bringing about change in my outlook on recovery and what gave me the strength and 'Power' to not act out on these addictive tendencies over which I by myself am powerless over is WHEN I STARTED WORKING THE PROGRAM (the steps ARE the program)
Working the steps in my daily recovery with the help of a Sponsor who can guide me gave me the practical tools, the shift in my perception from the illusory and non-existing will-power and self-control to accepting my Powerlessness and allowing the greatest power to protect and take care of me. My ability to act differently to high-risk situations that might lead to my relapse came from this 'Power Greater Than Me', not of my own addictive self (can never be just like it is so for a diabetic or for any other incurable illness)
The old idea that, "I" of myself has to or can run my life and manage it is the most lethal and deceptive ploy of our disease (addiction)... It's too much of a torturous and painful path to endure for someone who suffers from a disease of addiction... Today, we don't have to invite more self-destructive and self-defeating attitudes in our daily life. Too heavy to carry. We don't have to feel miserable having to show up for each day by thinking "I must be in control" or "I can handle today", the simple truth that sets us free from this self-imposed prison is that I DON'T HAVE TO (I can't even if I want to ) Admitting and integrating this vital reality into my daily lives is the deciding factor for my recovery or lack of recovery today. When I surrender, I WIN.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
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