Well, it's just been 11 days now that I have not used, but still I am just feeling kinda lousy...i should remember all of this, this is my third time through withdrawal/detox/recovery....whatever you want to call it.....i just don't remember the last time being so hard, but maybe i was not taking so much stuff then.....at the pain clinic, they were giving me 180 Vicodin a month and 30 Oxycotin, when i told my regular doctor about this, he nearly fell out of his chair....
he told me it might take up to 6 months for all of these crazy things to end, some days i feel okay, then other days i feel like i am in a Fellini movie, outside my own body, then i have these weird little hallecinations that last 3-4 seconds, he said all of this stuff is just my brain getting rid of the junk in put into it......
so, i thought if you guys might have some advice...physically, i am feeling some better, but then again last night, for some reason, i was sick for hours, hanging onto the toilet, the whole deal...
i wish i could turn back the clock 8 or 9 years and never take that first narcotic...
I kicked drugs and alcohol for at least 2 weeks the first 3 days I was having seizures in my bed no one knew and I wouldn't go to the hospital I wanted to die but on the other hand I was scared $hitless too.
It takes what it takes, hell I have more aches and pains as the years go by 46 now and its not getting better just learning to live with it lots of advil ...
Be patient this too shall pass, it does get better just takes time.
thanks, my friend, you are right and i know everyone's situation is different, part of my trouble is that i do have chronic pain but also, since major stomach surgery, am not supposed to take ibuprofen or aspirin....but, i have taken a it lately since i justs have no other choice...i try to take it with a lot of food, but that's the other thing, when i am in withdrawal the thought of food almost makes me sick!!
thanks for taking out the time to help....best wishes to you, too.....
When you start to feel shitty, physically and or mentally and you have the time, take a bath, for the first week i took a bath every morning, helped my jittery sore body, and also a little bit of a morale booster for the day.. haha.. but the trick is convincing yourself to get out lol, that's the hardest part, i dunno if this is useful just my advice
scott, thanks a lot, my friend, you are talking to a veteran bather here! i sometimes take 2-3 a day when things really close in! of course, i've had the luxury of being at home with our children since our nearly 19-yr old son was born....now we just have his 15 yr old brother and 11 yr old sister at home, it's almost a blessing this all didn't happen in my life when they were a lot younger, i can't imagine going through withdrawal with very young children around...as it is, it's hard enough on our two youngest, not to mention my husband, but it's just the way life is working right now...
i'm feeling a little better today, just very tired still.....i've always had a problem with fatigue, but think when i am feeling stronger, that will improve, too...
and getting out does help, although i tend to want to be the person just to stay in the house all day.....
I know that some people get that happy little pink cloud when they first get clean, but I'll tell you the truth: I didn't feel better for quite some time - months, even.
It was suggested to me to keep showing up and keep myself far away from people, places, and things. They kept promising it would get better and I believed. You know what? They were right. It got better.
Baths definately worked for me...My clean date is June 28, 2007...and still I have crazy dreams...and constant leg pain. I was taking oxycontin for 3 1/2 years...and Methadone for a year... The doctor keeps telling me it cant still be withdrawls..but the rehab I was in told me differently
For me, I had cleantimes of 6 months plus thrice in NA before my last relapse, but I always felt miserable in those cleantime-phases. After my last relapse, I again felt miserable for the first 3 months clean. That's when I realized that there's something missing in my so-called recovery. I realized that staying clean alone is not going to get me better (even though it does make me feel better in a way)...
When I looked at what is missing, I found that I was staying clean, was making meetings regularly, reading NA literature, getting involved in homegroup, attending regular therapy sessions with my substance-abuse counselor, studying, working etc, but still I felt miserable within...
And then it hit me, "I did not have a Sponsor in NA and I did not work the steps." I was around NA, not "IN" NA... I was doing all that supports NA recovery, but the core of the program. I took a Sponsor and started working my steps. I finally felt better from within, and continue to, till today...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I have been in your shoes and my biggest question was also "Will I ever feel normal again??". I took my last Percocet on April 24, 2007, ending a 4 year addiction. I felt like total crap the first 3 days. I had muscle aches that Advil or Motrin wouldn't even touch. I did have Rx muscle relaxers (Zanaflex) that would help a little and allow me to sleep for a few hours at a time. My biggest problem after those initial days was muscle aches in my hands, feet & legs, and NO energy. Someone was right in an earlier post, when they said to get out and do something. I found I felt worse if I was just sitting around. But if I had something to do to occupy my day, and was forced to walk around, go places and do things...I did feel better. you will get thru this. I would say after about 2 months, the aches were completely gone and my energy level was much improved. I am coming upon 6 months clean, and I will say I feel 100%. If someone laid a pile of Percocet in front of me, I would not take one. I hate them and the absolute turmoil they caused in my life. I was completely numb for 4 years, my days consumed with counting my percocet, how many did I have left, how many could I allot myself for the day, where was my next Rx coming from, doctor shopping, pharmacy hopping, mood swings, fighting with my husband. I do not miss that life. I have a new lease on life and I feel good. I feel emotions. You will get thru this, I promise. After I got about 7 days without Percocet under my belt, I would tell myself "If you start taking them again, you will have to go thru those initial days of withdrawal AGAIN, or you can keep taking them and eventually die." Those thoughts helped me get thru the bad days, along with the love of my family, and each day got a little bit better. Hope I helped.
thank you all of your help, somedays now i am feeling okay, somedays, like tonight now, i feel lousy, nauseated, just tired and sweaty.....bad....we just got home from seeing our precious firstborn son at Iowa State University, where he is a freshman. he's been away from home for 2 months now, they have been really hard on me, Joseph and i are very close, but already he seems like a different person, well, he's living in a different world now, it's not the "real" world, but it's the university world and i remember that very well, even though i am a 1980 graduate!
i spent 8 yrs, on and off, mostly on vicodin mostly, oxycotin right at the last 3 months, and yes, the first 10 days off were really bad, i felt so horrible.....i am starting back to NA this Tuesday night, i know that will help, i have never had a sponsor, but i know that will help, too.
i know i am going to make this recovery work, because it's the last one i have in me, i am 50 yrs old, it's too hard to do this and i am tired of living stoned, high, numb, whatever....
i have a favorite singer, country rock, alternative country, whatever, his name is Steve Earle and i love his music, he's also a recovering addict, i've been focusing on his music a lot in the last 2 weeks, i don't know if that makes sense, but it helps me keep my mind on something else.....he has a heroin addiction and he barely made it through alive, he is an inspiration for me.....
i had hoped to start looking for a part time job about now, but just think i need to give it another couple of weeks at least for that. we don't "need" the money, i've been home with our children since Joseph was born, he will be 19 yrs old Friday!!! but, we could use any little extra, i just don't feel like working outside the home right now though......
thank you for being there, i can't tell you how you have helped me.....
Hey Princess! Thank you for keeping it fresh for me. I started using with my first joint of weed in 1967 (new years eve). Since then it's been rehabs, hospitals, any drug I could find to use, overdoses, disease, sickness, homelessness, joblessness, loneliness, etc. Until 3/05 when I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Oh boy! I took that and ran with it. I had been staying with my daughter and on 5/18/05 I disappeared for 3 days. When I came home she immediately took me to the hospital and dumped me. That was on 5/21/2005. That date is now my clean date. After almost 40 years I have now been clean for 2 yrs. 5 mos. I also honeymooned for 30 days. I could never seem to get past 30 days. But this time was different, I got clean for me because me was all I had. I tread on thin ice for about 1 year but it went by fast.
This may sound funny because the cancer metatisized in my left hip bone but I LOVE to walk. When ever I got jittery I would go out and walk and walk sometimes for hours. That's crazy I know but this disease is crazy. Do anything positive that makes you feel good. Just don't get high! Go to meetings, get a sponsor and a homegroup, and apply the principals to you daily life.
The cancer is now spread into my other hip but I'm still walking with a cane, my neck, and my sinuses, but I have never in my life had so much peace. I discovered that my family, friends, and God didn't leave me, I left them. I now have them all back with more love than I have ever known. Sorry to go off but you really brought it back. If you want what I have, stay clean one day at a time.
terry thanks for sharing your story...it's 18 days now, today is our second son's 16th birthday.....our first "baby" turns 19 on Monday......i felt really horrible all day today, woke up at 6 with a terrible headache, normally i would have taken two vicodin right away, but then i pretty much started off with 2 everyday with my other meds......
i went to my first NA meeting last night, well, my first in about 7 years, i think i will keep going back...but, i am going to behappy when this period of feeling okay one day, horrible the next, is behind me....i am 100% certain i will never use again, because i am 50 yrs old, there is a show on HBO called The Wire, i've just seen a couple of them due to the fact we don't have HBO...anyway, there is a character called Waylon, played by Steve Earle, my all time favorite country/rock singer, he is 13 years sober in real life now, and playing an addict on this show...anyway, one line he had, while speaking at a NA meeting, was "i know i have another high left in me, but am dead certain this is my last recovery." that just spoke volumns to me, as i truly feel if i don't make it now, i will end up dead from this....
thanks to you all for being there......i hope one day, terry, to be able to say i've been sober for over 2 years, too...
