I realize that i've been putting school ahead of my recovery, and it's just really stressful, and i can't concentrate on my homework, and everyone is partying all the time, and everything just got to me and i broke down, and called my mom, and i've decided to take off the rest of the semester and maybe the year, i'm going to get a full time job and focus on my recovery and myself, i'm trying to bite off more than i can chew. what do you guys think about this?
Juniper, I had a sponsee who once made a similar decision. She left school very early in her recovery because it was more than she could handle. She worked full time for a while. When she was ready, she took just one or two classes. Now some time has passed and she is a full-time students, a junior, I think, and she is very happy and successful at school.
I waited until I had a year clean and then took only one or two classes for my first couple of semesters. I very gradually increased my course load to become a full-time student.
My husband, on the other hand, got clean in college and found a strong group of recovering addicts at school. His school work was mediocre at best, but his recovery was great!
It just goes to show that we each have our own path to follow. Observe the situation and your feelings, listen to your heart, your spirit, and talk to a few people you trust - your mom, your sponsor. There is no right or wrong in this decision. It's just figuring out and accepting what is best for you at this time in your life and in your recovery.
It sounds as if you have done this, so no worries. Follow your path, get some recovery, and see how life unfolds for you.
When I read your post, the first tendency that the codependent me gets is to tell you what to do and what not to do. But the NA program suggests I can share with you only my own experiences, strength and hope on the issue if I have any (if I can relate)...
So here's my experience on the same issue and how I applied the principles of this program and the suggestions by my Sponsor, the oldtimers and my substance-abuse counselor.
The first thing I realized in my early recovery is that I tend to get back to life as everyone lives. I join courses by thinking that I must quickly get qaulified education-wise, I made interviews for job prospects as I wanted to be self-supporting as soon as I could. I hurried to get back to my friendships from outside the using circle (those good non-using friends that I picked up over the years from my childhood, school and college life). I tried hard to interact and communicate, socialize with family at home, tried to take up domesic commitments at home. I tried all this but too fast.
My first Sponsor said, it's not your recovery program that has to fit into all other areas of your life. It's all those areas of your life that need to fit around and within your recovery program. That explained it all for me then. Here I was, suffering from a incurable, progressive and fatal if not arrested disease that has taken over my body, mind and even my spirit that needs to be taken care of as first priority for me to be able to exist and live at all to pursue any studies or show up for a job or to be there for my loved ones and friends to be of any use to them!
One of the members asked, "what would you do if you have a fresh fractured leg and you cannot even stand?" Would you wait for it to mend by taking care of it and nourishing it's recovery or would you just feel that you must move on with life and catch up with everything like studies, work, friends, family commitments and so on?" And here we are talking about a deadly disease, a life or death situation for the rest of our life depending upon whether we are living with it or treating it.
I failed miserably in all my hurried attempts at life, and many of those attempts to rush up my overall recovery has led me to relapses due to stress and failures. Then I was suggested to write down what I need to do on a daily basis to stay clean and to stay in recovery process. I found out I need to get regular sleep, I needed to have regular meals, I needed to bathe and take care of myself physically through exercise. I needed to have regular prayer time. I needed to make meetings, reach out to other members, read literature, and most importantly pick up a Sponsor and WORK THE PROGRAM!
So, I wrote down my daily schedule with these musts for my recovery first. Then added over a week what extra activities I can dedicate myself to at all. I made it a point that these activities were not too tasking and demanding for me from where I was then. One thing at a time, being gentle on myself, and trusting completely that all else shall be given, in my Higher Power's own time if I just work the program.
I did not go running around for a job. The job found me when I was ready (when I was 6 months clean). I did not rush around looking for a relationship. Relationship and marriage transpired in my Higher Power's own time when I was ready (when I had picked up steps one, two and three in my daily life, and had almost done my fifth)... I did not push myself to take responsibility and commitment towards my family and loved ones. I gave up the expectation that my parents and my other loved ones and friends must understand me, trust me, see the changes in me and respect me. I found that I'm trust-worthy, lovable and have changed a lot through their approach to me over time. I just worked the NA program. All else transpired and continues to transpire in my life, and trust me, my Higher Power does provide me the strength, the clarity and the wisdom to work on my own efforts, to act when opportunities presented themselves. I could hear my Higher Power clearly tell me "NOW" before I added these areas of my life, one by one, at the same time, recognizing and respecting my limitations at that particular juncture of my recovery. And I could do all this only because I started looking at life through the new spiritual perspective that the 12 Steps rewarded me with. Today, there's nothing in my life, be it a major decision or a minor obstacle of my day-to-day life, that working the program can't address.
The decision is your own, Juniper. But remember, many have gone through what you've gone through. Share with them, ask for their experiences in the same situation, and decide trusting that your loving Higher Power would continue to be with you, guiding you and that Power would bring you out of all that seems uncertain in life. We only need to work the program, and our working program would work on the problems in our life. That is the deal we strike with our Higher Power
All the best. Glad you've chosen to focus on your recovery first. Way to go.
Something from our literature:
Make regular meetings Read our NA literature Pray Pick up a Sponsor WORK THE STEPS
The rest shall be given unto you This is not an empty promise. Miracles Do Happen! We, hundreds and thousands of recovering addicts in NA, ARE THE PROOF!
Hugs, Love, Light.
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
This is a spiritual journey Scott once you make the decision and cut that deal with your higher power ( I liked that Tahir)
Becasue thats what i did in step 3 ( We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him ).
I had to and have to recognize this isn't in my time, I gave my time over to God so everything comes when that power thinks i'm ready don't get me wrong I am always trying to make things happen that is part of my job but when the whole thing actually comes together is NEVER EVER NEVER EVER in when I think it should happen and me recognizing that this power is taking care or me and that part of my life it helps me to accept this whole spiritual journey, and I like having this power watching over me.
LISTEN to whats being said inside of you , you will know which one is right because there will be 2 voices, yours and one other you will know between the 2 which one is you trying to make it all happen and the one who looks out for your BEST INTERESTS.
Good luck Scott keep in contact with us here to know whats happening in your life, we enjoy watching others journeys
