Well yesterday was my 30 days (woohoo!) and I tried to make it like a 'Recovery Day' to celebrate. I read the book and called my sponsor and prayed, but then I kind of realized something.

Since I've been clean, I've gone to a meeting everyday, I've prayed everyday, and I've stayed clean everyday. But aside from that I hadn't really done crap. My life is a wreck from my using. I have so much work to do to pick up the pieces and I've been procrastinating doing allot of things. And being clean, while its the most important thing, is not going to be the only solution I need. I have so much to do that it kind of overwhelms me and paralyzes me so that nothing gets done.
But yesterday I was reading chapter 5 in the blue book and read something that really inspired me, on page 54 it says "We apply effort to our most obvious problems and let the rest go. We do the job at hand, and as we progress new opportunities present themselves."

For some reason that just gave me the inspiration I needed start doing some things that I really did not want to do, or face. I made a list of the most glaring obvious fixable problems in my life. The stuff that would fall under "The courage to change what I can" in the serenity prayer. And I started on the first part of the first thing and then tried to completely quit worrying about the rest.
I worked all day long yesterday on that, and while it was something i definitely did not want to be doing, it felt so good to be finally DOING IT, and after i got it taken care of I was so relieved. I'm kind of scared about all the stuff on my list of obvious problems but I'm trying to just put one foot in front of the other and do the job at hand and pray for the courage and willingness to do it.

I had been kind of in a slump the past couple of days and I think this is why. i was clean, but being clean will only get you so far, and I wasn't growing until I took the next step and stopped hiding from things and procrastinating. Anyways I just wanted to share that.

By the way guys, my computer has been giving me messages of impending doom. When i restart it I get the message that my hard drive is bad and to back up my data and replace it immediatly! But then it says press F2 to continue and everything works fine. But if i drop off the face of the earth for awhile its because my hard drive went kaboom and I'm replacing it, or maybe getting a new pc if i can afford it.

(((hugs)))