"Our addiction enslaved us. We were prisoners of our own mind and were condemned by our own guilt." Basic Text, page 7
Guilt is one of the most commonly encountered stumbling blocks in recovery. One of the more notorious forms of guilt is the self-loathing that results when we try to forgive ourselves but don't feel forgiven.
How can we forgive ourselves so we feel it? First, we remember that guilt and failure are not links in an unbreakable chain. Honestly sharing with a sponsor and with other addicts shows this to be true. Often the result of such sharing is a more sensible awareness of the part we ourselves have played in our affairs. Sometimes we realize that our expectations have been too high. We increase our willingness to participate in the solutions rather than dwelling on the problems.
Somewhere along the way, we discover who we really are. We usually find that we are neither the totally perfect nor the totally imperfect beings we have imagined ourselves to be. We need not live up to or down to our illusions; we need only live in reality.
Just for today: I am grateful for my assets and accept my liabilities. Through willingness and humility, I am freed to progress in my recovery and achieve freedom from guilt.
Guilt is a big one for me. So many insane things I did when i was using that I feel remorse about, and I used drugs to cover up the shame and remorse, and then did more stupid insane things to feel guilty about. Now that I'm clean those memories come back to torture me and I can't get high to forget about them.
I've basically spent the better part of the last 12 years in a drug induced haze, and have absolutely nothing to show for my life except allot of scars, bad memories, and allot of guilt. Whats incredible to me is that the addict in me wants to go back to that kind of life! Any sane or normal person would not even think twice about doing that to themselves, but I'm sitting here struggling day by day to stay clean and not let myself return to that hell.
When your new in recovery, how do you get over the guilt of things you did when you were using? I want to forgive myself but I don't really feel like I deserve to be forgiven. I haven't earned it yet.
I guess this is what steps 4-9 is for though?
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We are not human beings learning to become spiritual, we are spiritual beings learning to become human.
We must be done with the past, not cling to it. We want to look our past in the face, see it for what it really was and release it so we can live today. The past, for most of us, has been a ghost in the closet. We have been afraid to open that closet for fear of what that ghost may do to us. We do not have to do this alone. Our will and our life are now in the hands of our Higher Power.
That what step four tell us and its so so true.
I could NOT even get a month clean until I finally was able to do some forgiving get some understanding of my past, once that got done and I was able to start facing who I had been and what I wanted to become I started putting some days together all in a row.
I think we need to constantly be working the steps it not just a one shot deal these steps have to become apart of our recovery on a daily basis.
If someone walked up to me and asked " So what step are you on"? I say I am on them ALL , Lets just say that one day i decide i dont need to work step 1 I forget about admitting my powerlessness and the unmanageability in my life, or say I decide to quit turning my will and power over the my higher power, or how about just doing a daily inventory. Or one day i tell myself "HEY i dont need to pray or meditate I got this handled on my own now" it damn sure would not take long for my life to go into a absolute tailspin.
THis is a life giving program its something we can all live each day with and walk thru life clean n sober and face all the things we used to avoid and run from, its not easy all the time but at least we have something to grab ahold of especially when it gets tough.
My life is so much better now, its not just different its totally changed because of this program and Gods grace .
" We must be done with the past, not cling to it. We want to look our past in the face, see it for what it really was and release it so we can live today. The past, for most of us, has been a ghost in the closet. We have been afraid to open that closet for fear of what that ghost may do to us. We do not have to do this alone. Our will and our life are now in the hands of our Higher Power."
Definitely something to meditate on, thank you!
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We are not human beings learning to become spiritual, we are spiritual beings learning to become human.
