Let me start by saying I am new to this. I want to work on my recovery. I don't have much clean time in. I had 8 months because I was incarcerated. When I got released I used and I have been struggling with it for a few months again now. I have been in and out of jail several times. I don't want to go back. I can't get to any actual meetings, so this is my solution. See, this is my problem-I know the right things I should do. I just don't do them. I just really need people to talk to that have some time in and I don't know. I am pretty much just rambling now. I need to get some type of life back. I just only know heroin. I've forgotten the things that used to make me happy. I doubt that the same things even can. Does everyone feel this hopeless and helpless in the beginning?
In the beginning I felt mostly scared and angry and bored. Sometimes I felt hopeless, but the more I learned about the program and the more I tried to do the steps and take suggestions, the better I felt - sometimes. It took me a while to feel good. And it took me a while to figure out what to do with myself. All I knew was using and chaos. If I didn't have that, then what?
When I first got clean it was like all those feelings inside me came bubbling out. I had years and years of feelings that came out! It wasn't pretty and it wasn't fun. Sometimes I would say and do really stupid stuff. I felt out of control. But I was completely committed to not using. I knew without a doubt that I didn't want to go back. I believed people when they told me it would get better. I wanted what they had so I did what they did.
It took some time, but I have a new life today. A new life doesn't come quickly, though. It takes time to go through the process that results in a new life. There is work to be done.
I think it can be the same for you. You might suffer through some extreme emotional discomfort at the beginning. I did, too. I can tell you, though, that it is entirely worth it. Get a sponsor, don't pick up, and take suggestions. That's exactly what I did and today I am truly a blithe (joyful) spirit.
May I ask you why you are unable to attend meetings?
I felt totally hopeless in the begining yes but I had nothing else left but to try again otherwise I was a dead man.
Some of us go in an out , in and out over and over again try to learn from these experiences and put something together, you gain wisdom about yourself and who you are.
Read the literature and you will understand more and you may think you know what to do theres always room to learn and gain knowledge and understanding of what your up against.
IT works by being HONEST, OPEN and WILLING if your missing one of these 3 parts it may not work , definetly something will be missing in your recovery and relapse is likely inevitable.
So start from the begining, look at step one well both parts there are two parts to that step.
Yes, I spent many years hopeless just like you do. Today, I realize that it was very necessary that I hit the abyss of hopelessness so that I could recognize hope when hope showed up in the form of NA
I can share with you that it does get better, all it took me is a desire to stop using and to stay clean by reaching out to NA meetings, other NA members and reading NA literature on a daily basis...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
It gets better and that's for sure. It is slow but definately sure. Most important thing is not to use no matter what. I was a heroin addict for the biggest part of my life. I also forgot everything but realized that there are new things I like and enjoy and some of the old things come back too if you give them clean time. What I really learned to enjoy is discovering who I really am. I realized i'm a very diffirent person than the one i thought i was. I like diff foods. diff drinks. it was a little scary in the begining and still is sometimes but it reminds where I was. I don't have much clean time by the way but the 4 months and a few days are the longest clean time I have ever had in 24 yrs. Stick around and good luck.
Thanks for your responses. I am still struggling. I don't know what I am doing. Ok. Well the reason that I do not attend meetings is due to where I live. I live in the sticks and I lost my DL so I mean there isn't like public transportation here. So, I don't have any clean friends to go to meetings with. I'm just stuck.
Try out online meetings here at MIP and also at Earth Group at the chatrooms. There are daily NA meetings here at 10 PM and at different times at Earth Group. Make those meetings. Today, we are fortunate enough to be able to make a NA meeting even if we don't have a face-to-face meeting where we live... Please mail me thru these message board if you want help locating these online groups and their chatrooms... I would forward you the links...
Most importantly, keep coming back, here at MIP, Rainee, we all need each other, on a daily basis, to stay clean and recover... That's how this program worked and continues to work for me, regularly meeting others in NA, and sharing the journey of recovery with others...
Do you have the NA literature like Basic Text, Just For Today, It Works How and Why, the IPs etc? Please get these if you don't have them. Reading them on a daily basis definitely has given me strength and hope to show up for the day without having to use... Also you can subscribe to NA Way Magazine at our official website na.org where they can deliver it at your home thru post. There are also eMeetings available that you can get in your mail every week.
All we need is a desire to stay clean and recovery, Rainee, anywhere, under any circumstances, WE CAN, never have to be alone, never again...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
