As we grow out of an immature need for love to a mature giving of love, we increase our capacity to care about others. When we learn to express our love, we feel loved in return. As we understand more about love, the more our relationships improve. We become less sensitive and suspicious with others. If there are upsets, we find ways to deal with them. We do not just duck and dodge problems. Everything that we did not face from our pasts will surface and magnify in our relationships. It has to become an issue for us in order for us to become willing to walk through it. When this happens, we need a sponsor and a home group to help us walk through the situation and make the necessary changes. Sometimes our members learn to interact like a healthy family. Not harsh or overbearing, they just stick by us and when we are ready for help, they are present, able and willing to help. Some members seem to like to be told what to do by someone they respect. Too often this ends in a predictable let down when the idiot who falls for it fails to give the proper instruction in some way as judged by the 'dependent' member, who then can anguish over how the 'program' let them down and they went back to using. Another, more widespread way of relating, involves sharing what worked for us with a surrendered addict seeking recovery who then strives to put into action the best they can and keeps asking help when they need it. Actually, all we can do is share what works for us. We can pattern after others successfully as long as we are alert and willing to do our part.

Many of us have avoided relationships as a natural defense mechanism during active addiction. Positive interaction with other people had virtually disappeared because of our anti-social activities. We thought that even if a meaningful relationship could exist at all, it wouldn't happen for us. The more isolated we became; the more we needed a way to feel connected with the rest of the world. Addiction stole our identities. We suppressed our emotions, feelings and dignity slowly and deliberately until we existed only as a shadow of a human being. We sought ways to regain lost dreams and abilities but we only found more loneliness and misery. Nothing that we have tried seemed to work, especially the drugs. We began to question our very existence. The initial step in relating effectively to others is to realize that we do not and can not exist in a vacuum. While we may be dependent on others for much of our sense of well-being, this does not mean that we rely on others to provide our happiness. Knowing and feeling that others care for us reinforces the desire for recovery and encourages us to reach out. The spiritual nature of recovery moves according to a precise and comprehensive plan to secure for us what we need the most. If we are praying to God to work miracles in our lives, amazing things will happen. We have been doing things backwards for so long, that down looks like up and straight lines seem crooked! Although a relationship isn't the first thing that we have to have in recovery, many of us get into one as soon as we can although we are not ready for one. We might miss having a romantic relationship just as we miss not having a car. We have difficulty in accepting that either our license is suspended or we can not buy gas, in other words our responsibility in the situation. When we work the Program, we know that our turn will come when it is time.

We take an honest look at our regrets, resentments, defects and assets. We recall our lost hopes in writing about our past dreams, daily accomplishments, and future goals. By maintaining the awareness of our gifts and assets, we get a picture of ourselves that is honest and accurate. Sharing the vision of who we think we are with someone we trust is a key to our ongoing growth. When we share all of our weaknesses as well as strengths with at least one other person, we gain a new perspective. The more people that we interact with only helps this perspective to grow. Self-examination gives us the willingness to surrender our character defects and improve our character assets. We accept that others are blameless for our problems when we take personal responsibility for our lives. We learn to forgive ourselves as well as those who may have harmed us and we ask the forgiveness from those that we have harmed.