"We wanted an easy way out.... When we did seek help we were only looking for the absence of pain." Basic Text, page 5
Something's not working. In fact, something's been wrong for a long time, causing us pain and complicating our lives. The problem is that, at any given moment, it always appears easier to continue bearing the pain of our defects than to submit to the total upheaval involved in changing the way we live. We may long to be free of pain, but only rarely are we willing to do what's truly necessary to remove the source of pain from our lives.
Most of us didn't begin seeking recovery from addiction until we were "sick and tired of being tired and sick." The same is true of the lingering character defects we've carried through our lives. Only when we can't bear our shortcomings one moment longer, only when we know that the pain of change can't be as bad as the pain we're in today, are most of us willing to try something different.
Thankfully, the steps are always there, no matter what we're sick and tired of. The irony is that, as soon as we make the decision to begin the Twelve Step process, we realize our fears of change were groundless. The steps offer a gentle program of change, one step at a time. No single step is so frightening that we can't work it, by itself. As we apply the steps to our lives, we experience a change that frees us.
Just for today: No matter what prevents me from living a full, happy life, I know the program can help me change, a step at a time. I need not be afraid of the Twelve Steps. pg. 160
For me, I had to hit the abyss and experience unbearable pain before I could realize how hopeless I actually was. When I was less desperate before hitting the bottom, I did not or could not open my mind to the principles of NA or seize what others in NA shared like a dying man in his dying moments would try to seize life. I was not able to make the admission of hopelessness and powerlessness at that stage as much as I was able to when I have gone thru the process of pain and suffering... So my experience is that very few try to sincerely or wholeheartedly practice the program unless they have hit their bottom. Only when I went back out to using again, or for that matter, act out on my defects and compulsions (even today), and go thru the process of pain, suffering and powerlessness do all those things that I have heard members share or read in our literature come back with an amazing clarity to my mind, and I start thinking in those moments of despair, "what they said in NA is so true" and then I am better able to return back to the Basics of NA and recovery, and yes, I have to admit that sometimes, due to repeated exposure to this cycle, I tend to fall back to the safety and peace that this program brings even before the onset of extreme difficulties...
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Sick and tired and tired of being sick, heard that one the other day Tahir .
The best idea is to try and get thru whatever we're going thru rather then relapsed, that can become a habit/ behavior also .
Once the behavior of using changes and we start working along side and with the principles things do get easier, our old ideas were just to painful the new plan is much easier and less stressful and frustrating. It's not always easy but it gets easier as time pass's.
