Okay all. I have a sponsee who went back out two days before she had 2 years. Not only did she go back out but she went back out with a bang - if you know what I mean.
Now, when I started sponsoring her, I did so because I love her. She and I got clean together, she had more time than me (about 1 month), but I had much more recovery.
Anyway, this girl is 19, severely bipolar and has just moved out of her parents' house. She came back after the first relapse which she tells me was alcohol (don't know if I believed her even then) for a couple days, then disappears again, this time she went for the big stuff and stuck something in her veins, came back again, detoxed herself, and then went back out. I told her she needed to get honest with her mom, she told me she would - about 3 months ago.
About 5 days ago, she came back AGAIN! I got a phone call from a guy she used to go out with who is in the program, and he wanted to go to her parents (mom and stepdad). I agreed. I was afraid that she would disappear again, and this time not come back.
She feels I violated her trust, I feel that my responsibility as a friend and more importantly as a Sponsor is to take whatever measures necessary to keep her from dying. She may hate me for the rest of her life, but at least she'll be alive. Let me know what you guys think. Thanks for listening!
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The Triumph is not in succeeding, but in not being afraid to fail.
Thats why you should have a sponsor and they should have a sponsor and so on so you guys can get together on these types of situations.
In my opinion it wasn't your place to go to her parents, BUT I see your point your trying to save someone who doesn't want to save themselves enough to stop, she hasn't hit a bottom and no matter how hard you try your not going to get her there any sooner, this is all her choice and in her time but you know that and we often go against what we know.
On the other hand your heart and love are in the right place Maggie your a wonderful person for caring so much for her i'm afraid its time for you to surrender, not an easy thing to do and she may die, fact is you were and have been there for her and thats what matters.
If your going to sponosor you need to know that the results aren't always going to be pretty do you have the hear to handle that?
My Dad , his first and only sponsee was murdered my Dad went down and identified the guys body,( I wont describe what he saw it was horrible) thats something to consider , it happens.
Thanks for your response Big V. Just so you know, I do have a sponsor, but didn't go to her before I told the guy it was okay to go to her parents. No pain, no gain - right - I learned a valuable lesson. Thanks again!
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The Triumph is not in succeeding, but in not being afraid to fail.
Thank you so much for trusting us enough and sharing with us. I can relate. Sometimes, even now, although I know that I only deal with my Sponsees (the addicts) and not their families and loved ones, I do get tempted out of desperation thinking that I might have to intervene and involve my Sponsee's family members to force him into what I feel is best for him. I know that is not ok to think like that, but still, being what I am and feeling the love and despair I feel for these loved ones in my life, it's so very easy to think along those lines... Till now, I have not acted out on those kinds of ideas but...
Reading the new NA book "Sponsorship" has thrown a lot of insights and directions for me in this context. Please check out this wonderful piece of literature, especially, the chapter titled "To The Sponsor"...
But ultimately, just like you shared, our mistakes are our best teachers, our mistakes are what brings change in us, taking us to our next level. Today, the greatest freedom I have got from this program is that it's ok to make mistakes, and that I have a right to be wrong...
Hope all turns out well for your Sponsee, who actually might be more angry with you not so much because you broke her trust, but because you are coming in between her and her using... In my experience, she needs love the most now, more than anything else... I will have her in my thoughts and prayers tonight...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Thanks Tahir for sharing i was hoping you would come in on this .
I feel so bad for people who are stuck out there, its hell being an addict, the risks we take the people that we hurt, the misery we would our bodys and minds thru is do destructive it goes beyond understanding but this program helps us to understand better just by learning about ourselves.
Its hard for me to accept still , to this day that i cannot use when the feeling comes of wanting to use and i tell myself NO you can't use makes me want to throw a tantrum LOL like a big baby but I have to face the fact that I go on a destructive path when I use hell i'm destructive even sober and clean .
TOugh to be a sponsor I know that much my sister is one she's sponsored alot of gals in NA sometimes she tells me a little when she loss's one and i can tell it hurts her badly.
One day I may sponsor first I have my own work to do. I guess in a way we all sponsor around here helping newcomers and helping each other I have thought about this all day Maggie LOL obsessively, I wasn't sure i gave you the right answer I think i did though as hard as it is to not do SOMETHING at times, sometimes doing nothing but turning things over to our higher power is all we can do and hang on to our seat hoping and wishing for Gods will be done.
I know this in my mind I should be dead when I think of the places , people and situations i've been in I could very well be dead, somehow I knew i would be protected maybe I took advantage of that, but then physical propertys took over and I had no choice but to stop well 2 choices , stop or die thats all that was left once there some of us get our wits about us, some don't, many die and thats a sad sad day in my world its like losing a soldier in a war on terror, it plain sucks.
Thankyou for coming here Maggie we all learn from each other.
As my sponsors have told me, They are there as guides to the steps and for support only. Now, I am friends with my sponsor, and I like my sponsor, and so on and so forth, but if i choose to go out, he isn't gonna come hunt me down or prevent me from getting my misery back for free.
That's just my experience. There is literature that almost never gets read on what a sponsor sahould be....(at least I read a flyer on it at a meeting somewhere). In anycase, I am glad my sponsor is there for me when i choose to call; if I choose to go back out, I hope that my sponsor will be there to help me figure out where I went wrong if and when I come back.
Guess the point to me is, a sponsor isn't a savior. Only a guide with previous experience with the steps, and with knowledge of how not to make the same mistakes over and over again.Nuff Said...
Peace,
Brett
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Faith: the substance of things hoped for, the belief in things unseen
Well,well,well,,,,, i remember my sponsor saying how much of rationalisation and justification goes into debates of what to do and what not to do and what is correct and what is incorrect in regard to how we sponsor !!! The basic Text says that direction and manipulation will fail,,,, and that when we give advice we lose the respect of newcomers (and the ones we sponsor) Im greatful to my sponsor for having informed me that we possess what is called "NATURAL WISDOM" and thats what we need to practice !!! generalisations are the bane of recovery and advice giving is false ,,,they will not work !!! going by the heart is the answer !! Being Guided by Love and Goodness is True !!!
-- Edited by Raman at 06:04, 2007-06-01
-- Edited by Raman at 06:04, 2007-06-01
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
