After 4 months of sobriety, i have found myself once again addicted to drugs, and doing things I shouldnt be. I have lost my job yesterday, because we have a drug party at my house and my dog ate the coke, so i just fed him with laxative and stayed home from work waiting for my dog to pass it back out. He did, it smelt really bad but i still sniffed it anyways. I just had to.
I supposed i am doing better than b4. B4 i was doing heroin like children drink soda. I was so messed up one night i walked into the police station, sat in the lobby and just shot up right in the station. I was arrested and beaten severely while in prison. I dont really remember to much of that but for some reason i couldnt sit for 3 days. I think i may have fell on the ground really hard or something.
Anyways im here to start over again, and it really sux. Its like the last 4 monthf of my life have been nothing but a waste. But its hard when everyone around u including your neighbors are smoking crack and shooting herion in there arm pits of all places, its a harsh thing to see. I think i may just move forward and only drink, it seems to be the only reasonable way. Well thanks guys and hope to see you during the next meeting.
My friend stryker aslo is going down the slippy slope, he was so doped out one day and was fiending for more, he had no money...so he cut off his own thumb with a plastic fork and flat head screwdriver for a fix. the dealer gave it back to him now he wears it around his neck, its truly gross. I feel for him.
MAybe its a reminder to you that this disease is progressive, and it only takes one to get right back to where you left off..... as for your friend, I wish him the best, but he aint in here postin, so I can't even try to help there.... you need to look out for you, or YOUR thumb might be next. MAn, I am gonna go out on a limb here and speak in general as a group (sorry guys, and girls) but just about everyone has the yet syndrome.....
What is the yet syndrome you may ask? I haven't sniffed coke from a dog's butt...... Yet.... I haven't cut off my thumb......yet...... And if I don't open my mind, get honest, and start to be willing to try new things to stay clean, I might end up right where you are.
Go to meetings, get a sponsor, and read the literature, all that is well and good, but if you don't believe and apply that to your daily life, you are in for a world of hurt. I know this cause I didn't listen for a loooooong time, and have had a lot of misery clean. I might have more, cause I am still a stubborn sum bitch, but I am willing to do alot to stay clean, I never wanna go back man..... no way in hell.....
I dont know if that helps, but I swear to you, I might not always like being clean, but it beats the hell out of Jail, and not knowing what is gonna happen next to me.
Peace out.
Brett
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Faith: the substance of things hoped for, the belief in things unseen
Heavy man, very heavy............................and it just gets worse......I tried to stay off Heroin and just drink, it worked for a while.......six years actually.........benzodiazapenes 24/7 too....and then i went down on the worst smack ride of my life, lost 50 pounds and nearly died. No one, NO ONE could tell me what to do....i had to have it my way until my time came, i always thought i had hit bottom only to find out that there was more. Most of my friends are dead. It's a miracle i'm here today, 79 days clean today.......longest time in my life. I hope you find peace soon.......
Thank you so much for your post. It reminds me of where I don't want to go! I tried only drinking - but that just lead me right back to the other stuff. When you drink, your inhibitions are down, and there is no telling what you will do. I hope that you keep coming back. There is a better way of life.
If I only got what NA promises - freedom from active addiction - I would have been blessed - but I have gotten so much more from this program and the fellowship. Self-respect, self-worth, self-love, and a relationship with my Higher Power - these are the things I was looking for when I was out there. Thank God I don't have to search anymore.
Please keep coming back - we need you.
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The Triumph is not in succeeding, but in not being afraid to fail.
Hey you know the good thing about hitting bottom, Yeah man the only was is up. Welcome home my friend, my experiance is simiilar to yours and i am nearly 3yrs clean, and i have a life i could only ever dream about, and be resentful that others had, i surrendered and the fellowship carried me till i was able to carry myself. now i carry a message of hope the NA way, that no addict seeking recovery need die. Come and join us and break the old myth. This programme works as im sure plenty people gonna share with you. Once again welcome home.Godbless
Drizzt, good to hear from you again. Any addict can lose the desire to use (and that includes alcohol too) and find a new way of life. We do recover. All we need is a desire to stop using drugs (including marijuana & alcohol) and try out this new way of life suggested by the NA program. Miracles do happen, we are the proof, and I'm sure you can be one too... Keep coming back, IT WORKS!
Welcome back!!!
Hugs ~ Tahir.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
