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Indiana · Newbie

I'm new here

toribear · Member

Hi Terry

Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship for addicts or people who think they may have a problem with drugs. Any experience i could give u would be from the point of view from an addict and may not be that helpful. One of the things that helps us to recover in Narcotics Anonymous is the theraputic value of one addict helping another. Something similar would be available to you but in a different fellowship.

In the UK where I live we have a fellowship called Families Anonymous. I believe in the states it is called Nar- Anon. This is a 12 step fellowship for family members or people effected by somebody elses addiction. There is a website www.Naranon.com which will give you some information and tell you where local meetings are etc... They will probably also have a national helpline number that you could phone and speak to someone.

All I can say to you is this: I had well meaning family members who literally nearly "loved me to death". It was not there fault, they just not know that they were enabling me by giving me money, food, making excuses for me etc.. neither did I, but i knew how to manipulate them and pull on the heart strings. All of this stuff sheltered me from the consequences of my using and it was not until all the doors were shut when my family said we are here for you, we always will be but we are not giving you any more money etc.. from now on because we are killing you, that I hit rock bottom, felt the consequences and decided I wanted to get clean.

Addiction can cause devestation in families, but through the 12 step fellowships we do heal.

I hope you get the support you need and that ur child gets his recovery.

I will say a little prayer for u both.

Vicki C

Tahir · Member

Greetings Terry,

Thank you for sharing with us. Although the reflection below might not directly be for a non-addict family member, but when I read it this morning, I found it made a lot of sense to me as I'm also a spouse of an addict, apart from being an addict myself... hope it helps you too...

Detachment

"Addiction is a family disease, but we could only change ourselves."

IP No. 13, "Youth and Recovery"

Many of us come from severely damaged families. At times, the insanity that reigns among our relatives feels overwhelming. Sometimes we feel like packing our bags and moving far, far away.

We pray that our family members will join us in recovery but, to our great sadness, this does not always happen. Sometimes, despite our best efforts to carry the message, we find that we cannot help those we hold most dear. Our group experience has taught us that, frequently, we are too close to our relatives to help them. We learn that it is better to leave them in our Higher Power's care.

We have found that when we stop trying to settle the problems of family members, we give them the room they need to work things out in their own lives. By reminding them that we are not able to solve their problems for them, we give ourselves the freedom to live our own lives. We have faith that God will help our relatives. Often, the best thing we can give our loved ones is the example of our own ongoing recovery. For the sake of our family's sanity and our own, we must let our relatives find their own ways to recover.

Just for today: I will seek to work my own program and leave my family in the care of a Higher Power.

powerless · Member

If you go to the main page of this site you will see an ALANON link. That is for the family of alcoholics/addicts. I spent several years on the site before realizing I am an addict also. It gave me a lot of support in dealing with my husband while he was in active addiction and when he first started recovery. My suggestion is to see if there are any face to face naranon or alanon meetings in your area and try to attend as many as possible. They are support groups for the loved ones of addicts. Best of Luck

phil · Member

Hi Terry,
Love & Respect.
One of the most important actions you can do to support your son is to pray. Trust God as you understand Him to guide you to do and say the right things. Your son has let you down before I'm sure, for you to totally trust him now would be insane. Give him time to develope your trust. It is something that is earned. Support him in his recovery by encourageing him to go to meetings, get a sponser and Homegroup and make an effort to get better. If you are not sure about something he is doing or it doesn't "feel right" to you it probably isn't. Our program is an active change of ideas, attitudes and behaviors built on openmindedness, honesty and willingness. If your son is not being clear about what's going on in his life, give him time. You should see a change in time if he is sincere. The fact that he is in a program is a sign he wants some kind of help. You must leave the help getting up to him as far as his recovery is concerned. Be there for him without enabling him. Check out the people he is hanging with . Are they in the program? Do they have a sponser? A home group? Ask them they will be more than glad to share with you. If not then watchout.
You can also checkout Nara-non, Al-anon or some other support group for families and friends of addicts.
Hope this was some type of help for you.
phil hmm

-- Edited by phil at 10:37, 2007-04-23

-- Edited by phil at 10:38, 2007-04-23

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