rayne,
Thanks so much for the advice.  I've done my best to adapt the "BE HERE NOW" attitude and it has helped, but I can't help but worry.  What is a "PM"?  I am a "newbie".  One thing is certain:  I could really use someone to talk to while I am going through this hell.

I can relate to your struggles, I to have a messed up back and have been on disability since 99'. Have you been honest with your Dr. about your addiction, because there are other options for addicts. There are non-narcotic pain meds, and therapy as well I was helped for a couple of years with nerve block injections.
One thing I have learned in my journey with pain is if I am pain free I am taking to much of something. I guess for me it was important to accept that I will have pain everyday, nothing takes it away completely but relaxation exercises , physio , massage , working the 12 steps, acceptance and my higher power all help to make it manageable.
Like Rayne said try to not worry about tomorrow but do what you can to make things better today, talk to your DR.
I still have a hard time accepting that I may never work again, but it dose get better. What happened for me was I found a way in witch I can make a little money doing what I love and keeping it within my physical limits. This journey of recovery from addiction is not an easy one but I have seen people with all kinds of struggles both physical and mental get through the hard times clean.
You can do it to, you are worth it! Welcome to MIP and NA get to some meetings in your area and you too will see how this thing works and how we can get through the hardest times in our life clean.

At times in our recovery, we may have to maintain our clean time in the face of illness, surgery, or injury. During these times, we may need a sponsor more than ever. We must remember that illness or pain is not an excuse to use. Our recovery is our responsibility, and we share about our health challenges with our sponsor and those members we trust. Our medical condition may require us to take medication that could trigger a craving to use. Whatever the cause, working with a sponsor can help us to accept that this is part of living life. We need to inform our doctors about our disease of addiction so that we are treated appropriately. Since our disease of addiction does not differentiate between using and taking medication to treat pain or illness, we must stay vigilant with our program. We are particularly vulnerable during this time, and our recovery can be threatened. Many members have relapsed because they did not follow their doctor's direction, reach out to their sponsor, or pay attention to the warning signs of an awakened menace - their addiction.  We look to our Higher Power for support and continue to practice our spiritual program. Some members of the fellowship can be judgmental about other members taking medication, and we want to make sure that this does not steer us away from what we need to do to take care of ourselves.  We gather as much information as possible so that we can make the best choices about our health. If we must take medication, we stay close to our sponsor and support network, sharing our fears and pain.(Excerpt from the chapter "Illness In Recovery" from the NA book "Sponsorship")

What I shared above are not platitudes vwgirl, it's from the NA literature, the collective experience, strength and hope of the fellowship written by addicts. Generally members share what works for us in the NA meetings but that's not all. As a newcomer when I was myself taking medication for certain specific health conditions, there were a few oldtimers who did not have a similar experience but usually after the meetings when I shared my issues with them, they did guide me to certain parts of NA literature that made perfect sense to me and gave me a direction in my own personal situation. I'm so grateful that a few members did this, shared such references from our literature. This particular excerpt that I shared above was something that changed my life as a newcomer, and even now, I suffer from a chronic irreversible health condition which might turn terminal, and this experience, strength and hope shared by the members of the fellowship in our Basic Text as well as in other literature does continue to guide me... This is how it works for me and I just try to give what I got, that's all

I'm sorry that you are going through what you are, and I will have you in my prayers. Peace.

I will no longer use this website and forum. I will probably have any email from you go to junkmail. If the members of NA can't or won't give me a little medical advice from their experiences, I don't know how you can be helpful. Back and chronic pain LEADS TO ADDICTION. So why not discuss it? If this is a forum that focuses exclusively on the 12 steps, it will not be as helpful to me as I had excpected.