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NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> Concerned, What to do . . .
Post Info TOPIC: Concerned, What to do . . .
LetGo


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Concerned, What to do . . .
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Hi all, I'm new here.  I have a dielema.  My boyfirend has been going to meeting and I have been attending them with him as support.  He has an addiction to cocaine and he says that he is clean but I have found indications that he may not be.

His addiction has put a lot of stress on our relationship, he has lied many, many times about being clean only to find he is using.  I'm at my last straw, in the beginning I believed him but time after time when I find that he has been using I feel like an idiot.

At the moment I believe he is using, I've gone so far as to ask him to take a 'home test', he comes up with excuses not to.  So that leads me to think he is using again.  I want to be support but I will not continue a relationship with someone who is lying to me about their using.

He thinks I'm playing games with him, I've told him straight up that if he's using tell me and we will work from there but if I find that he is using and lying to me about it then that will be a major issue. 

Was I right to ask him to take a home test?  If the situation was reverse I would certainly take a home test to relieve his concerns, since if I wasn't using there shouldn't be an issue over it being positive for use.

Suggestions please.  I can go on not knowing and I don't know what else to do.

*As a side not we do not reside together, but have been in a relationship for 3 in a half years.

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BigV


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Hi and welcome you should be at the Al Anon site for this sort of questioning you have .

But I wll tell you that alot of us lie out of shame, sounds like he's trying but maybe just not ready. There is only 1 requirement and that is a desire to get and stay clean, it doesn't say YOU HAVE TO BE CLEAN , it works better if your clean though .

alot of us came and went many times over, I used after going to meetings MANY TIMES and I was truly ashamed I could not stay clean I just hadn't gone thru enough yet to want to try hard enough or even want it bad enough.

So for you you need support from others who are or have been in the same situation as yourself, it's a loving thing your doing for your friend and there may be some very tough decisions your going to have to make in the near future and right now so get the right support.

http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42727

-- Edited by BigV at 22:33, 2007-03-31

-- Edited by BigV at 22:33, 2007-03-31

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JasonD


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Yah send him our way but you might want to seek help yourself. You may be enabling him and don't even know it.

It was worse for me. My wife wanted me high(at least subconciously) after I got clean. This is after she almost left me because I was using. She starting going to alanon and naranon and things have gotten so much better. She and others chat regularly at http://naranoncafe.com

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BigV


Senior Member

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Good one Jason I missed that YEAH send him to us maybe a way for us to help the both of you .

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