last thursdsay afternoon I had a near death expierence, I was diagnosed COPD(Chronic Obstructive Pulmanary Disease) and pnemonia all at the same time I am already asthmatic. I took breathing for granted thought it was a given till I woke choking on phlem it was stuck in my throat I could not breathe God willing I was able to get an ambulance to me to get me breathing properly. Life as I knew it flased before My eyes. Fear filled my soul I thought I was going to die alone. ( My biggest fear) I was rushed to the hospital medicated properly and when I was safe they sent me home. I have not slept well at night since then. I figured that if I choke during the day that there is a better chance of someone able to help me than in the middle of the night. This experience has streghtened my recovery and gave a new meaning JFT it broke it down into breaths that I take knowing anyone of them could be my last. I want to live every day as if it were my last day so that all of us can expeirience the Joys of NA to its fullest. I find myself hanging on every word when I read in the book as well as when In a meeting hoping I will learn something more to share. I love helping ppl and this experience has made me more passionate about giving back what was so freely given to me. I have heard said if ya don't want it give it back. But before you do think is this all life has to offer. If you are working a program of recovery grasp each lesson as your last, if you are new don't give up before the miracle happens. I am proof that this program works as we are all miracles in progress!!! If no one has told you today that you are loved know that I love you and will do so till you love your self
-- Edited by rayne at 03:29, 2007-03-13Work like you don't ned the money, Love like you have never been hurt, Dance like no one is watching!!!!!
What really got me into seriously working on my reecovery was a doctor who told exactly how i would die if I continued to use.
I had what adds up to a hernia in my esophagus, if that area totally ruptured I would bleed to death internally and from what he described I would literally vomitt blood until I bled to death and i would be awake while this happened.
I thought long and hard on this, I was afraid my family would find me in my bed, in a pool of blood with a look of horror on my face dead, i couldn't allow that to happen.
Take care of yourself Manon do what the docs tell you to do , keep on your meds, my friends father right now today, is laying in the hospital dying from lung disaease he told them to take him off the the antibiotics this is his death sentence he's ready he is 83 and ready to die ( tired of fighting this over and over again) your to young girl for that you still have alot of life left in you.
perhaps you are being told to stop judging. by taking your breath away is the same as taking a VOICE away.. have you ever done that? are you not the person who has judged appropriateness on this forum? are you not the person who has suceeded in banning voices from the forum? what goes around comes around this is totally according to Newton's 3rd law: for every action there is a reaction. think about it
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Can anything be stupider than that a man has the right to kill me because he lives on the other side of a river and his ruler has a quarrel with mine, though I have not quarrelled with him?
there is no threat is this BECAUSE OF RACISM that you seek to make me out as a thug and by saying I am making threats. ? i was just pointing out how ironic life can be, and i feel it is you who are the one that is threatening ME..my brother,
-- Edited by jalanhara at 14:27, 2007-03-15
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Can anything be stupider than that a man has the right to kill me because he lives on the other side of a river and his ruler has a quarrel with mine, though I have not quarrelled with him?
i am going to say this.. and I hope I am not banned which seems to be the staus quo for those who speak their OWN minds. you family need to open your minds here.. quit judging so much, the man says I am threatening, when the truth is the written word has no inflection nor a face and it is easy to misjudge. people vary in their rates of recovery, judging and taking inventories by saying.. ? ur motives is NOT recovery... you cannot shut people up if they have something to say that is not to your liking ,thats is censorship and it is intolerance. sometimes people need to THINK and not react right aweway. have you EVER been in that person's PLACE and FELT THAT PAIN? then you cannot undewrstand to make any judgmental staement. Judging is NOT goodwil either. Goodwill is A n action that INCLUDES others besides ourselves.. considers others as important in their own lives. Affection comes from seeing similarities, intolerance results from seeing differences WHICH WE WILL NOT ACCEPT. GOODWILL IS THE BEGINNING OF SPIRITUAL GROWTH. the basic text says " WE ARE EACH OTHERS EYES AND EARS. WHEN WE DO SOMETHING WRONG OUR FELLOW ADDICTS HELP US BY SHOWING US WHAT WE CANNOT SEE".
-- Edited by jalanhara at 14:31, 2007-03-15
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Can anything be stupider than that a man has the right to kill me because he lives on the other side of a river and his ruler has a quarrel with mine, though I have not quarrelled with him?
there is no threat is this BECAUSE OF RACISM that you seek to make me out as a thug and by saying I am making threats. ? i was just pointing out how ironic life can be, and i feel it is you who are the one that is threatening ME..my brother,
-- Edited by jalanhara at 14:27, 2007-03-15
To me, this statement seems like a figment of your imagination
"is this BECAUSE OF RACISM that you seek to make me out as a thug and by saying I am making threats. ?"
As far as I know, noone has disclosed race. You need to talk to another addict that is not involved with this message board to check your perspective. It might be time to look at yourself and your motives.
It might be time to look at yourself and your motives.
a pull up is warranted ONLY if you put yourself where someone else is so i think that observations such as this one are not right. since Jason cannot KNOW what Jalanhara's motives truly ARE HOW THEN can he judge him ? perhaps Jalanhara KNOWS his own motives and chooses not to reveal them.... is that wrong?
-- Edited by micheleanonymous at 19:17, 2007-03-15
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“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.”
"The sufficiency of my merit is to know my merit is not sufficient"..St Augustine
JasonD wrote: "It might be time to look at yourself and your motives".
thank you my brother.... however i am quite aware of what MY motives areB
-- Edited by jalanhara at 18:28, 2007-03-15
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Can anything be stupider than that a man has the right to kill me because he lives on the other side of a river and his ruler has a quarrel with mine, though I have not quarrelled with him?
Not sure where racism came in at either, other then when you brought it Jalan I have no idea of your race or where your even from.
" WE ARE EACH OTHERS EYES AND EARS. WHEN WE DO SOMETHING WRONG OUR FELLOW ADDICTS HELP US BY SHOWING US WHAT WE CANNOT SEE".
And that is EXACTLY what i was doing with the person who was banned, I suggested they work the PROGRAM instead of the blaming and RESENTMENT towards there counselor, GET INTO THE SOLUTION and quit nit picking every word everyone posts back to you here........
and that is exactly WHY i am taking that banning to task. blaming and resentment NEED to be WORKED thru... by silencing VilynBlacxkthorne you have also robbed us other members of availing ourselves to Vilynbackthorne and helping that person to work thru their issues. is THAT what NA is about ostracizing someome with issues ..? sad... you have prevented that peson from fellowship with the very and maybe ONLY people who COULD have worked thru Vilyn's issues of resentment and blame with him He obviously is not doing well alone and came here probably expecting rebuff and was not disappointed, where was our concern where was our helping the newcomer Blackthorne was NEW HERE and we could have guided Blackthorne, i for one would have but instead you decided in all your wisdom to save the the "board" and ban Blackthorne, you as a person decided Blackthorne should NOT receive an ear orany gudance in recovery here and you have deemd that others will not speak to Blackthorne about how to get over as serious an issue as abandonnment in recovery, I say thats a shame...once again the NA has shown not experience strength and hope but ostracizing and abandonment in time of need imagine if when you cane into the rooms (were YOU sweet and mild I wasn't I was angry as hell and a handfful) if they had told you you had to leave. you did wrong it was not a right thing to do
-- Edited by jalanhara at 19:30, 2007-03-15
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Can anything be stupider than that a man has the right to kill me because he lives on the other side of a river and his ruler has a quarrel with mine, though I have not quarrelled with him?
jalanhara wrote: and that is exactly WHY i am taking that banning to task. blaming and resentment NEED to be WORKED thru... by silencing VilynBlacxkthorne you have also robbed us other members of availing ourselves to Vilynbackthorne and helping that person to work thru their issues. is THAT what NA is about ostracizing someome with issues ..? sad... you have prevented that peson from fellowship with the very and maybe ONLY people who COULD have worked thru Vilyn's issues of resentment and blame and could have guided Blackthorne but instead you decided in all your misguided thining that Blackthorne should NOT recieve recovery here or that others speak to Balckthorne about how to get over as serious an issue as abandonnment in recovery, I say thats a shame again the NA family has abandoned a member in need of our experience strength and hope instead of our abandonment
You may be right Jalan, i am not the one here who makes these types of decisions i'm just another member here.
Like i said I tried to suggest somethings for her to do as far as working the program, I was pretty much over looked or ignored I can't really remember what her post back to me was see if I can find it.
Not sure wbout how exactly this thing works other then we need to stick to simple concepts like this,
We make use of the tools that have worked for other recovering addicts who have learned to live without drugs in Narcotics Anonymous. The Twelve Steps are positive tools that make recovery possible. Our primary purpose is to stay clean and to carry the message to the addict who still suffers. We are united by our common problem of addiction. By meeting, talking with, and helping other addicts, we are able to stay clean. The newcomer is the most important person at any meeting because we can only keep what we have by giving it away.
Jalan what have you found that worked for you in your recovery, having had some bad experiences in NA what part of this thing helps you recover then?
You may be right also Jason, its happened here before i've been not so nice to them so figured i'd give people the benefit of the doubt maybe even give some ESH and practice some principles along the way that way its not wasted time.
ya know i am stunned all this bickering and diversity this stuff is what not only blurr the NA messgage but diverts us from our primary purpse. let go and let god we are POWERLESS!!! imagine that we ought never drawnt he NA into contervesy. And FYI the bann is above any of our levels here. if you are here to argue you are taking from the purpose of this board man where is the unity as long as the ties that bind us together are stronger than those that tear us apart all will be well are threads of unity thru this diversity are dwindling accept what you cannot change
Jalanhara. This post started out being about gratitude for every breath and not taking life for granted. The responses are meant to be for that message. If you have other issues, you can make your own post. The only people who know about banning people from the room are those people in charge of the room. Perhaps there was more to that scenario than you are aware of. Anyway, it's good you are here, but try to stay focused on the NA message and air your feelings on your own posts, unless they apply to someone else's.
Rayne. I am so grateful that you came through this experience alive and with an even deeper appreciation for life. You help so many people on this site and in life and we all need you to stick around. Bless you for your ongoing service and thanks be to HP that you were saved from your near death experience.
i am really sorry for your bad experience but everything happens for a reason I do not doubt this for a minute and I live the fact that there are NO coincidences... I went thru a similar situation though not as physically jarring as yours but psychologically it was about the same. I was MISDIAGNOSED by a new doctor who told me I have a severe heart problem. I thought my time here was very short, I was scared of leaving my kids. even though they are sort of on their own for an 18 and 19 year old they are doing ok in some respects but in others I do not believe they are ready to be without a Mom yet ; their Dad has been dead for almost 18 years and their Gram just passed last sept 30 '06.. its a sobering thing to realize and come face to face with your own mortality. I went to a cardiologist a few days later he read the test results and he said that the other doctor (an internist ) was (and this is HIS profanity ) full of sh*t..i did not even have high cholesterol and definitely NO cardiomyopathy.... I am grateful and thank God everyday that I am still here. God knew I needed to begin healing and getting rid of dark things in my heart and soul and this was a stark way to get my attentiom And now I am working on letting go of some/many resentments, and this board has been put in my life to help with that and my recovery which I had let sort of get complacent .. plus God recently brought me an answer to a question I had carried in my heart and soul about a friend of mine who disappeared so I am done worrying and feeling sad (and a little mad at first). I for sure don't want to go with those hurtful things in my heart. .....so HP gave me and you a BIG wake up call . Its a blessing Now I also know HP would like to see me pay my spiritual debts and let go of resentments and start trying to live more spiritually in my heart towards others.I am grateful, HP has given me anew life just last week I got a new job with really excellent pay that allows me to catch up with my financial debts as well and eventually live a little more relaxed and theres room for advancement in the position.. God is good. HP knew what I needed when I needed it sometimes its not what we would ask for or want but HP knows whats best.I believe the main thing was to let me KNOW I am ready for grace I believe I am living in a stae of true grace right now..I can totally FEEL IT its almost like bliss. It was a rough awakening but in HP's infinite wisdom all will be well.. even if I had died , but I am grateful that I didn't.I am grateful that YOU didn't either. This board of recovery is in my life now and its no coincidence either . good luck to you rayne, and ......thanks for sharing.
-- Edited by micheleanonymous at 00:20, 2007-03-17
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“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.”
"The sufficiency of my merit is to know my merit is not sufficient"..St Augustine
, its happened here before i've been not so nice to them so figured i'd give people the benefit of the doubt maybe even give some ESH and practice some principles along the way that way its not wasted time.
