I've been attending an intensive outpatient program 3 nights a week. It's basically group therapy. Last week I was sharing that I was feeling like I wanted to be comforted and put my head on my mother's lap and she would be stroking my hair. The girl next to me said "why don't you just turn lesbian?" Everyone in the group laughed and it felt like they were laughing at me. I let it go at the time but I keep grabbing hold of it again. I know that's my addiction telling me to focus on the negative. I want to tell her to keep her mouth shut unless she has positive feedback. Isn't it important for me to set boundaries?
We're sensitive people but we also need to learn to laugh at ourselves and not take everything overly serious, though i'm sure this is a very serious emotional feeling that you had, maybe others feel the same way but hide it by joking.
What you have is a resentment you might want to write about it and dig a little deeper into what is down below the anger you felt, what emotion and feeling hit you? you get to know yourself better this way and get a better handle on how you react to situations like the one in your therapy class, because I gaurantee there are going to be more situations just like this or similiar that are going to bring those feelings back up to the surface again and your going to get another resentment and feel like crap all over again unless you unerstand whats going on inside.
For me I call it getting "sucked up" or basically Upset.
what helps me and keeps me from getting sucked up to the point of anger is to immediately look at whats going on inside of me, is someone trying to hurt me? have I been hurt? how do I REACT to that hurt? do I leash out and hurt them back or find another way to communicate my feelings, it happened to me today and what I told the person was " I need you to look out for me and let me know when somethings going on, it's what I would do for you" it left that person speechless! my first reaction was to grab him by his throat toss him around a bit and smack some GD sense into his head BUT I chose another path and maybe showed him something about himself thats just not going to work with me...
I stopped fishing with a freind of mine because he smoked pot hour after hour when we went fishing and it bothered me, I told him so and stopped going out with him .
So yesterday he mentioned to me that his wife asked if I was relapsed or something and why I wasn't coming around and fishing with him anymore, he told me he told her he didn't know if I was still using but did tell her he didn't thinks so, he also told her i was just busy with work and a new girlfriend, and i felt like saying "why didn't you just tell her the TRUTH", but you know what his problem is not my problem he owns his own dishonesty and i can't let that effect me though I am going to tell him one more time WHY I don't fish with him and it is a resentment because I resent him taking away someone I really enjoyed fishing with and that is himself, he chose pot over our partnership in something we both love doing, all I asked him was not to get high around me and he didn't respect that, I cut the cord that bound us.
Thanks Vini, for those awesome shares. So inspiring to read how you handled those situations the way you did. This program really works!
tvb3, yes, it's important to set boundaries, and even though what I share with you now might be non-NA, maybe you can be assertive and also start the process of healing by expressing how you felt around this incident at the next group session itself, in a calm and respectful way... I did that, many a times when I was under such group therapy sessions...
Also, I realized that at such group sessions, everyone is there because they all have some living problem, some dysfunction or disability, just like me, and as such, some might be sicker than the others... understanding this, and feeling empathy towards such people in my group sessions led me to not take their casual remarks seriously, and to also develop patience, acceptance and tolerance towards people in my life...
The most important thing is to share about such hurts in a NA setting, like you did with us. Doing so, in itself, sets my healing process into action from my hurts. The moment I have shared, I feel the power of the hurt or resentment or a using thought loses more than half it's power...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Todays Just for Today is apprpriate for this topic.
January 17
Forgiveness
" As we realize our need to be forgiven, we tend to be more forgiving. At least we know that we are no longer intentionally making life miserable for people."
Basic Text, p. 38
In our addiction we often treated others badly, sometimes deliberately finding ways to make their lives miserable. in our recovery, we may still have a tendency to pass judgment on others' actions because we think we know how that person should behave. But as we progress in our recovery we often find that, to accept ourselves, we must accept those around us.
It may be difficult to watch as someone's insanity manifests itself. But if we detach ourselves from the problem, we can start living in the solution. And if we feel affected by another's actions, we can extend the principle of forgiveness.
Just for today: I will strive to forgive rather than be forgiven. I will try to act in such a way that I feel worthy of self-love.
pg. 17
I think this is part of what I do trying to DETACH myself from other peoples problems and it seems to open up another avenue within myself, one that gives me answer to my problems and how to deal with them. Also forgiving is such a huge thing in ALL of this I know personally that one huge excuse I used for using was my bitterness and even hate for not just other people but towards MYSELF I had to start forgiving not just others but MYSELF for what , who I had become.
tvb3 keep doing what your doing don't close down because of this stay open maybe talk with your counselor about the incident, maybe a group concounce about making comments after or while people share should be stopped but then again it does open up an area of work for everyone LOL
Hey...thanks guys. I sure got the feedback I was hoping for. I now have many options and I will probably use them all. I don't have a lot of people with time in my area so this is great. Oh yea, I had 30 days clean on Sunday. Hoo-hoo !!!
HEY TVB3, WOW... AWESOME!!! BIG NA HUGS AND CONGRATS ON THE 30 ROCKIN' MIRACLESWAY TO GO. KEEP THE MIRACLE ALIVE
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
WOW thats all I can say is WOW, I read this post the other day and didnt know how to respond so I just didnt. The insite you guys have just floors me. I am always amazed at how much I learn here, thanks for teaching me guys. There was so much in those responces that I realy needed to know for myself as well. Recovery Rocks!
WAY TO GO. KEEP THE MIRACLE ALIVE
eat it up theres more where that came from
LOL.....congrates on your 30 days, terry !!
