I have always heard this statement. And, I recently hear it from my boyfriend. Because, I was taking and using my past against us in our relationship. This week-end past. His sponsor took him and his sponsees to Vegas. Boy, that was a good one. I did not know how to react and of course I became enraged because I planned the week-end without him knowing what was being planned. I like doing the surprise thing.
He did not want to tell me where he was going after he was on the road, because he knew my reaction would have been in the mode of jealousy and accusing mode. So, he chose not to call. Well, I called him. Pissed to the gills. He did his usual thing said his peace and due to my attitude walked away from the conversation. I did not see what his sponsor was up too. Its the old man warrior thing. 8 sober men going to Vegas 8 coming back without a causality. I am praying for that. However, I at the time did not see the blessing in this and was angry because I spent money we did not have for our week-end. That is no longer here or there.
The beauty of this week-end was this. Him leaving gave me a chance to discovery what he was saying about letting go of my past. Because, I was jeordizing us. By the way I talked to him and others for that matter. So, I sat down with one of the other set of literature I have and worked on myself. Man what a release. I found stuff that stemmed back to even my sister. The jealousy and resentment. The pain and illusions I still lived with. Which, has helped me to loose a lot of great people in my life. I am just thankful to his sponsor. Because, if he was still here. I would not have done this. And, I know in the long run. Lose one of my gifts of recovery.
This program works if you are willing to work on you, stop the blaming and see your truth. And, I am working on mine. Thanks for letting me share.
Yep it's thru these big mess ups that I often find myself, my last relationship that broke apart the one I called her every name known to man was a turning point for me. I had to take a good HARD look at what I did and who I was and what I let happen, nd what was going on inside of me, i'll never handle things the same as I used to .
Melissa, thanks for sharing that. So true, even in my relationship with my wife, many a times, family-of-origin issues and the past baggage threatens by rearing their ugly heads every now and then... Very important to identify the current issue at hand in our relationship and to not confuse it with past issues or not to generalize the current conflict into "always" and "never" mode, by dragging what happened last week or month or year... acting out in these ways has never served the highest good of our coupleship, both me and my wife realize. I also work another 12 Step program along with my wife for coupleship recovery where we both get to address these problems, and to own our individual and mutual responsibilities towards coupleship recovery...
Also, it's always great to hear someone's share where they see the loving intention behind seemingly bad things happen in their daily lives, like you sharing about how good your spouse's going away has been for you, even though you did not like it to begin with... I always try to open my mind through the second step and almost always realize the loving, caring and compassionate intention of my Higher Power behind some disturbing and terrible things that happen in my daily recovery sometimes... thus realizing how necessary it was for things to transpire in the way they did...
-- Edited by Tahir at 11:14, 2007-01-11
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Tahir he is not a spouse yet. Dont push it, please we are taking it slow. I love him and see alot of him in me. And, I can learn from what I see in him that mirrors me. I think that is one of the reasons God put us together. First and foremost to learn from one another.
Tahir he is not a spouse yet. Dont push it, please we are taking it slow. I love him and see alot of him in me. And, I can learn from what I see in him that mirrors me. I think that is one of the reasons God put us together. First and foremost to learn from one another.
So true what you expressed. I have come to know things about myself today that I would have not know as of yet if I did not meet my partner. I also believe that there is a divine purpose for us to come together.
Sorry about the 'spouse' thing. True that it is very important to allow ourselves some time in a relationship before we take it to the next level, to be fair to both the persons involved and to the relationship.
May all your desires be fulfilled,
Blessings and Peace.
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
