Hey Tahir, things are going ok. I just recently returned to the community... I had a relapse and another go at rehab. My funding was cut again and i was sent home early again, but i think i at least got more out of it this time. hope to see you in a meeting soon!

Hey Tahir, I have been hiding. Last week I was told that when I went into labor and called my sweety, he was getting high. I found out that all the days I was alone at home with our new baby, and giving him space to be in outpatient, work his program and ask nothing of him so as to support his recovery, he was out getting loaded. I have been doing great in recovery, because there haven't been any heart aches to deal with. I went to an NA Xmas eve party and pretended I was ok. I said to my friend I held no resentments, I understood. I came home and called my sponsor and told her answering machine that I was fine. Then I sat here alone, thinking of this new honesty that supposedly existed between me and my man, who is again in recovery and has been away from us for many months, using and recovering, and all my abandonment issues and all my pain hit me hard. I got loaded. Woke up the next morning feeling like shit and got loaded again, treated my kids like shit, cried alot, and got more messed up, didn't know how to deal with the pain. That night 4 friends from NA came over, after I avoided the phone all day, and had a meeting in my living room, theme, relapse and return, and it was pretty awesome. I admitted my stumble to those who needed to know, and now I wanted to tell you all because I feel accountable, and I love you guys and I want to stay in recovery. I want to get high right now but I am going to do some step work instead. I hope you all handled the stress of the holidays with more grace than me.

Humbly in recovery,
Jenny

Tahir says my exact sentiments you two.


This is a tough uphill battle at times I truly believe we are at war with evil spirits and they want our souls imagine how hard they are going to fight to get our souls which mean so much to them.

Well they have to mean even more to us, they are ours not theres for the taking but we give it to them that makes it so easy for them, but when you have a power greater then them they will really fight and play some serious games with our heads.

So get some power back into your lives and live this program , thru every thought in your head that tells you to give up have another thought from this program to fight, PRAY prayer is what truly helps me at my weekest moment there is power in prayer.

When I am seriously on the edge and having bad thoughts I honestly ask for my HP to take this thing from me, just sweep it out of my mind , usually it is gone within seconds, that gets me thru that moment, which can sometimes be a DECISIVE one if you know what i mean?

YOu are good people you deserve better , Jenny you have a new baby COMEON it's time to really get on and past all of this, you will mature in this program and grow to be a wonderful mother that your children will admire all there lives or it can go the other way, they may even hate you for what you've done, i'm sorry to put this on you like this but you know what sometimes there are people who are in our lives who dont bullshit and candy coat , this is bullshit you using with those children in the house you are responsible for them so take it and your also responsible for your own self now take it quit thinking about other crap and get on with this program . The only ones you need to worry about are yourself and those children let HIM take care of himself.

I know that when I didn't come at this thing with all the earnestness in my power and when I wasn't totally honest about how bad things were and when I didn't grab hold of what was offered here, I relapsed so it's time we all take this thing we have and really really work it into our lives, let the program change us thru the work we do, make the effort I promiss it does work and the power greater then our addiction will change us and mold us into good upstanding strong people who have overcome a trecherous path of destruction,

We do recover to live clean and happy lives. Welcome to N.A. The steps do not end here; they are a new beginning.

Jenny you have to pull it together you can do it you need confidence in yourself believe that you can stay clean,SO if I can and a few of the others here can stay clean then you damn well can also, we're showing you its possible right now.

YOu have got to be ready ask yourself what its going to take? is losing your children going to be what it takes? some of the women here have lost everything do you want that?

You know I know that making threats doesn't work for us not even sure why I do it but maybe if you think hard enough and clearly enough about what may happen it will get you to the point faster, i know it seldom works that way but maybe in your case it might. I sure hate to see it happen to my people, addicts, but the hard truth is it takes an aweful lot of pain to get us to where we're ready to do whatever it takes to stay clean.

I will pray for you and hope you get here soon Jenny.

Dear God, Marek, you have brought me to my knees. I am very angry and disappointed in myself right now because I have relapsed after over two years clean and happy and free of crystal meth. Your words to Jenny about relapse and addicts and your sincerity and openness have prompted me to reply to you. I honestly didn't know what I would find browsing for the very first time for online meetings and such. I am still a chicken to show my face in person and admit to a group of people who I was before I made the change and cleaned up, who I am now, and who I will become by continuing with this behavior that I truly thought I was soooo over. Thank you for your compassion and experience. It feels like a welcome hand during a very scary and disappointing time. Keep it up, Marek. The world of addiction needs people like you to post and guide and offer hope to addicts like me. Bless you.