Hi all..I thought you might like this..I know I do
I was about 9 months clean when I found I was at that point in my recovery where I needed to make some changes in my program or I would use again. I had met Pappa Lou at a meeting in Crescent City Ca. who I thought met and shook God's hand. I drove to his house to help me get a God. I was surprised he remembered my name. he took me to Enderts beach and we sat on a picnic table He asked me why I was so afraid of giving my will and life to God. I told him about how I had gotten my kids loaded and thought God would never forgive me for this. He told me to look around the beach and find something that would depict what I had to give to God. I found a big rock and said this is what I have to give to God. He asked me to pick it up and follow him. I had to look around the beach to make sure no one was watching me follow this old man down the beach carrying a rock. As we walked he shared how he had come to do his 3rd step and mystical crap I had know idea about. I just knew the rock was just getting heavier and heavier, I told Poppa Lou I could not carry this rock any more. He turned to me, and said so what are you going to do with it? I said I was going to let it go. He said that's how you give it to God. He told me I had to talk to God in my own voice. I picked up a stick and wrote a short little letter, like Sorry God, for all the shit I did. Afterwords he then knelt down with me and we said the 3rd step prayer. I will not say I had a burning bush experience, but I did feel like something went inside and stayed. When we were done we sat on a log and he put his arm around me and said he had a vision that I was to go with him to a candlelight meeting and share about my experience here on the beach. I was going to stay the night on his couch and tomorrow morning I was to come back to the beach and God was going to leave me a gift. I thought he was crazy. God would never leave a gift for some one like me. But I followed through and went to the meeting and shared about my time on the beach and said that I hoped God would leave me a gift of a sand dollar. I slept on Poppa Lou's couch and got up the next morning, planning on just going home as I was afraid to find out there was No God. But I followed through and went back to the beach. It was minus tide. I did not know what that meant but I just knew they moved the beach. When I got down to the water there were thousands of sandollars all over the beach. that was my first real miracle in N.A.
I think we, those who have fallen from the tree so to speak and get picked up off the ground, washed by loving hands and brought to the table like fresh fruit appreciate that unknown power more then anyone else.
Hi Cory it was nice chatting with you, your post is beautiful. I too felt like I had done so much wrong that god would never forgive and accept me. Then I found NA and learned that my HP is loving and carring and I dont need forgiveness he accepts me just as I am defects and all.
It must be hard living in isolation in Alaska, just know that your NA family is just a key board away any time you need us.
thanks for being in the chat room tonight , I hope we can chat again some time.
Hi CoryAnn, thanks for that wonderful share you posted. Hope all is well with you. Hugs and Love.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
