i am on a ship and want to be connected with other addicted and stay focus and strong. fof the last 6 yrs i have been struggling to get clean from a relapsed. today i am looking at the past but what i can do now to be a better person. i am open for any suggestions.
JUST KEEP COMING BACK HERE lUMUMBA HAPPY TO HAVE YOU WITH US
I guess when we get sick and tired enough we'll do whatever is neccessary to stay clean no matter what, no matter how hard addiction tugs at us we find a way to use the tools and the spiritualality involved and the making of changes that are neccessary in keeping clean on a daily basis, one minute or second at a time, it's painfully hard sometimes I know this I relapsed after having nearly 6 years clean.
lumumbal wrote: i am on a ship and want to be connected with other addicted and stay focus and strong. fof the last 6 yrs i have been struggling to get clean from a relapsed. today i am looking at the past but what i can do now to be a better person. i am open for any suggestions.
The way I am trying to become a better person is to learn from my past mistakes, become more concious of myself and my actions and change what it unhealthy about myself and try and learn to love , myself and others. To grow closer to my higher power and let him lead my life and the direction he wants me to go instead of always trying to do what I think is where I ought to be going. I listen to whats i'm being told inside thru meditation and prayer more in otherwords.
I work on my morality constantly I am always at odds with doing good or doing bad LOL it's sorta embarrasing to say that being 45 year old man but it's the truth sometimes I want to steal or lie still, or keep things from others, even cheat on my girlfriends now and then , these things popup just like wanting to use sometimes pops up and I have got to be honest with myself about these feelings and desires, where do they come from and WHY, WHY am I still trying to hurt myself, I ask myself these things so I can become a better man, friend, lover and a more peacefilled person.
i am the same in turns of doing things to hurt myself. i am separated from my wife and daughters but i still love them. the insanity of my thinking and acting, i have a young 29 yr.old female freind, (i'm obsessed with younger womem) i want to have a special relationship with. it like i want an insurance policy. you see my thinking is all messed up. what i don't want to do is use drugs today and that is a miracle for and addict like me. my prayer is that god take away the things from me that are not heathy and spiritual.
There came a time when we had to make a decision to put down the dope and make a decision to surrender to a life without using. That decision took a comittment and action and from my experience so far in the program I can say that everything else in life has come down to the same thing.
As an addict in active addiction I learned how to be a selfish, self centered, self-serving person where instant gratification was the motive for all my actions. Everything was all about me, my wants and my so called needs. I thought little about what was right and wrong and the difference today and after working through the steps is that there is some real clarity on what is right and what is wrong.
Now if I continue to choose to color the wrong with shades of "Kinda right" then that is nothing more than "kinda lying" and I am not being honest with myself or anyone around me. So not to bust anyone bubbles around here but sooner or leter it all boils down to one thing. What kind of person we want to be and how deep do you want to go with this lifes change. True happiness and freedom only come when our spirits are at peace with how we live and with the choices we are making in life. So if you are struggling with the choices you are making then maybe that is because your conscience is telling you something.
As we change we become more in tune with that voice, our conscience, our gut that tells us the things we "sometimes dont want to hear" because it interferes with the "fun". When I wander away from the right thing to do I am inching toward that self serving addict mode and need to be careful, and if I know it is wrong and still do it, what does that say about me. If I have one wish today it is to learn to be a person of integrity and that comes not from what I share here or in a meeting but what I do in life.
Lumumba L, Welcome to Miracles In Progress Recovery Forum.
Keep Coming Back, It Works!
Hugs, Love, Light ~ Tahir.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I am grateful to God for directing me to this site, already a spirit of hope is growing inside and more willingness to surrender to active addition and live a drug free life. Thanks for responding and I am looking forward to an ongoing support and sharing with you and other addicts.
I have four weeks left before return home from my voyage and I have made a commitment to work on self and seek God's will for my life. Just with a month once again, I'm beginning to see a little clarity. What is a major concern of menes, in the past once my job is up and sea and time to go on vacation, insane thoughts began to take over my mind. Thoughts like you can use a little, it never works for me and it never will, my life is living proof of that.
I've been trying to connect with my sponsor by phone without any success but I will not give up. I didn't give up when I wanted to score dope. If I do the footwork, God will do the rest, that is what I am trying hard to believe. Just for today I will feed my mind with NA knowledge and other positive information.
You bet Lumumbal you can do it and glad some of this is giving you strength and hope it what we're all here for and we give it to each other passing it along, jsut keep coming back.
Lumumba, Congrats on the miracle of 1 month clean & serene. Keep the miracle alive, one day at a time. Just For Today, we never have to use again. Keep coming back, or better yet, stay with us. Together WE Can!
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
