So I've been working had to stay on the straight and narrow. I have been trying to do it all on my own but have come to the harsh reality lately that I can't do it alone. I'm working up the courage to set up an appointment to speak with someone at a treatment center (Bradford in Nashville, TN). Are there any questions I should ask? I don't know where to start.
I thought I was doing well alone until tonight. I had a horrible, stressful day (I work retail and it's the day before Thanksgiving) and before I knew it, almost without thinking, I was on my way. It was as if I was helpless to stop what had already been put in to motion, like I was a passenger in my own body. Now not only have I dissappointed myself, but I've let my partner down once again.
How do I break the cycle? How do I begin to trust myself again and how do I build trust with my partner again?
patm wrote: ...and before I knew it, almost without thinking, I was on my way. It was as if I was helpless to stop what had already been put in to motion, like I was a passenger in my own body.
Hi Patm, good to hear from you again. That is what powerlessness is all about. Using against our will, inspite of a honest and strong desire to not use. That is what clearly demonstrated to me that addiction is in control, not me, and no matter how hard I try to control it, I never can, being an addict, not until my last breath in this world. I will remain powerless. The admission of this fact and also accepting it as my reality at a deeper level is the key to my freedom from active addiction.
That is when I can open my mind to anyone and anything that can make me stop and stay stopped. I have to allow a Power greater than me to help, support and guide me, one day at a time. I don't have to fight, control or struggle alone, all by myself, to bitter ends. When I surrendered to the directions that I got from this Power, in the form of my family & friends, the NA meetings, members and the Program, my counselor at rehab etc, my despair slowly turned into hope, and recovery became a reality, a joyful experience...
Keep sharing with us, Patm. We don't have to try it alone. Be a part of, and let the miracle of recovery envelop you. I will have you in my prayers tonight.
Hugs, Love, Light ~ Tahir.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I know what you mean about trying it on your own , i tried it too and ended up crash and burning....lol...literally
i crashed my car and almost burned down my bed with me in it.
those were just a couple to the things that lead me to realize that i just couldn't do it alone.!
that i needed help if i was going to survive. that's when i went to my first na meeting.
i borrowed a car and parked down the street of the meeting house until people started showing up , smoked several cigs and finally got the courage to get out of the car and enter the meeting room.
i didn't want to be there but i didn't want to be where i was with my life more so i walked in and was welcomed ...
i sat and i leasoned and i poured out all the things that was bottled inside me.
i think i might of cried but can't remember for sure , i know i had my head down while i was sharing and talking fast too , just to get it out./
and the most amazing thing happened , .... nothing... no one thought any worse of me . or judged me, and they all understood. and still welcomed me.
that was the first day of my recovery... before that i was just existing...
we have meetings here on MIP chat room and there are people there on and off all day
sometimes just sharing helps us feel better. and sometimes you hear something at these meetings that help you get through you day.
please let us know how you are doing . we would love to help. all you have to do is ask.
I don't think there are any real screwups in this thing as long as you take something from each event and find wisdom and strength through it.
We've all felt these growing pains, some of us many of us have had to go thru this thing via "Educational variety type" revolations LOL, it's a painful and sometimes SILLY process getting here (to sobriety) but for some of us neccessary. We play alot of games, we deceive ourselves and others or at least we TRY pretty darn hard too.
Clean up, if you need a program theres not a thing wrong with getting on your feet thru treatment as long as you keep trying, by whatever means!
Hi Pat, For me little is as true as the saying "When the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change; I find willingness." I came to NA with the gift of desperation..there was nothing else left to do. It is not pretty at our bottom, but when we reach it, then we have the option of crawling out.
As far as questions...I would ask if they are 12 step based. Nothing else worked for me. Behavior modification ie. "controlled using" is but a delusion for me. NA has offered me a new way to live...and just for today I never have to use again.
Lon
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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
