Sometimes I feel sad or depressed and think I'm doing something wrong. With all the work I'm doing to change my life, shouldn't I feel happy all the time?
No. Sadness is just as much a part of life as happiness. Just as all the seasons are part of nature, all my feelings are part of me. Would I awaken on a rainy day and refuse to let it rain? Would I claim that I'm going to do everything I can to stop the rain? No. When it rains, it rains.
I accept the fact that there are times when I feel sad. I will let it be a part of being human.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Each of us wants to be significant to someone else. And we are -- we're significant to all the lives we're touching at this very moment.
The emptiness we sometimes feel is a good reminder that the people in our lives need our attention. Too much self-focus fosters our feelings of loneliness, and then with desperation we look to others to fill us up. The paradox is that we heal ourselves while offering our attention to another who is, by design, on our path.
It is not by chance our lives are intertwined. Loving someone today will heal two wounds, ours and theirs.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I guess thats why I like it here so much, you people are touching my life and helping me thru it. I hated being alone its just not our true nature but addiction drives us down into that hole , all alone, everyone runs from us and we run too, from ourselves.
There is an emptyness inside of me, a deep canyon that seems to have no bottom, maybe death awaits me there, i'd rather "Not go there".
There are many emotions and feelings within us, learning to identify them and say "OH I KNOW YOU, YOU ARE WHAT I ALLOW TO HURT ME", is a great learning tool it stops the insanity from taking us back down that hole and back to the emptyness of addiction.
You are welcome, BigV. Glad I have you in my recovery.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
We start our relationship in excitement, hope, and good feelings, with perhaps a measure of fear mixed in. Our history is yet to evolve. A beginning is more a time of romance than reality. But no lasting connection is built on a steady string of good times. Relationships deepen the way individuals do -- by meeting the hard times, not accepting defeat, and using difficulty to learn and grow. That is how a problem, something we do not want or choose in our lives, can ultimately bring us a gift.
One year the biggest problem a couple dealt with was illness, another year it was a financial pinch, and another year almost everything came easily. Each situation called for new responses from within, yet for the same spiritual attitude of living one day at a time. Looking back, they appreciate the richness of their lives together because they have risen above their problems, grown from them, and had many times of fun and pleasure. Their problems were hard but built their relationship.
-- Edited by Tahir at 10:36, 2006-11-29
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
that last paragraph was nice Tahir, is that whats considered NORMAL LOL hopeing for the same thing to happen in all of our lives now, we can do this , together.
Hopefully we all find life parteners like the couple above, thats my wish.
BigV wrote: Hopefully we all find life parteners like the couple above, thats my wish.
Maybe, some of us already have... We just need to see with one eye to realize the light of love enveloping us as Jesus of Nazareth once said...
Hope I did not raise any eyebrows here by quoting non-NA stuff
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
We've probably heard all the negative quotations about life. There was also probably a time when we believed them all. Based on the state of our lives at the time, it was probably no surprise that life was difficult and brutal.
Certainly there are many things in life that are harsh and cruel we see such things in the paper every day. But there are some very wonderful things, too. It's just that we've been conditioned to believe the horrors instead of the wonders.
Today may have been a long, tiring, boring day. But that doesn't mean all days are long, tiring, and boring. There's much good in life that we can see if we let ourselves. We can get off our life-is-difficult soapbox and hear the humor, see the smiles, and feel the caring. Life may be difficult at times, but it is also quite fulfilling.
I need to feel that life is good tonight. What event happened today that I can feel good about? Who did I see today that made feel good?
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
often thru out the day I look more at the negative i've done, what I did wrong I slam myself for not being perfect and handling things better. I let myself live by how I feel, I often don't feel good physically or emotionally. Sometimes I feel great and i'm nice and chummy LOL and when i'm feeling bad i'm the GRINCH LOL.
So I need to try and feel better more often , I hate having to look at something I said that was in mean spirit i'm often short with people but I treat them like I treat myself so who am I hurting? i'm hurting 2 people maybe even more I hurt someone and they go and hurt someone over what I did to them, its like a virus we pass it onto the next person what comes out of us.
Good stuff Tahir thanks for hanging with us , this is your purpose you must stay here
We must make many choices in our recovery. Some of these will strengthen our character, for they will be hard to make and sometimes even harder to accept. One of the most meaningful sayings in our program is Let go and let God. We understand its true meaning when we are faced with adversity and we feel needlessly hurt.
If we are to let go of a problem, we must feel in our hearts that no matter what the outcome, our Higher Power has a special purpose for us. We may not be able to see that purpose now, but if we let our Higher Power guide us, we will be guided down the right path. If we do our best to detach from our pain and try to see a more peaceful future, we will feel secure in God's hands. Given this security, we'll be free to direct our energy toward positive, healthy choices that will bring us more of the happiness we deserve.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
wow guys , so many thoughts , so much wisdom, thank you for sharing them with us.
first i'd like to say that tahir is right about the rain. (let it rain, let it rain, let it rain) without the rain all things would dry up and die, we need the rain so we can grow and prosper. and the world looks so beautiful when everything has been washed clean and refreshed. just as our tears clean and refresh us.
wouldn't the world and ourselves be a flat place without the differant seasons , or differant emotions...
There are many emotions and feelings within us, learning to identify them and say "OH I KNOW YOU, YOU ARE WHAT I ALLOW TO HURT ME", is a great learning tool it stops the insanity from taking us back down that hole and back to the emptyness of addiction.
this is a tall order , after so many years of us just reacting rather then reasoning, why we feel the way we do ,or what triggers those feelings. but everyday i am growing and learning new survival skills. tools to get me through the rough times. and how to aprieciate the good times.
thank you for being here. you are both important to my recovery. hugs and love peggy
We don't expect our lives to be perfect. We don't expect ourselves to be perfect. We just want to stop the insanity of addiction and begin to live lives that make sense.
We don't expect to be perfect, but most of us do want to be good. We can actually live up to that goal now that we are clean. It takes a lot of work, and always seeing new ways to improve. Working the Steps helps us learn a great deal about how we can be better people. Having the love and support of our recovery friends and the guidance of our sponsor gives us the strength and help we need.
In fact, the work of being a good person brings many rewards. We invite spiritual teachers into our lives, we make true friends, we gain respect for ourselves, and we find that others respect us too.
Today's Action: What's one small thing I am willing to do in the next twenty-four hours to bring a bit of goodness to a situation? Call a friend who needs support? Bring flowers to work to brighten the day? Take time to really visit with a child? I will make a decision to do one special thing and do it!
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
We may have learned to be miserable, but we can choose to unlearn it. Though we can't control what happens to us, we can determine how we will interpret and react to what happens. We can moan about the things we don't like, using them as excuses for self-pity, or we can implement the Serenity Prayer, accepting what we can't change and changing what we can.
In the past, we often made ourselves miserable by over-doing things. Now, how often do we continue to invite misery by thinking we ought to be able to control other people? What part do unrealistic expectations play in the creation and continuation of our misery?
When we're hurting, we need to do something about it. A physical hurt may require a doctor; likewise, spiritual distress may indicate the need for more prayer and meditation, closer contact with a Higher Power. We can accept responsibility for our feelings, become willing to go to any lengths to get well, and choose not to be miserable.
Responding with misery is not on my list of options for today.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
It's easy to let circumstances determine how we think and behave. While it's true that some events seem devastating, our relationship with a Higher Power can help us accept and even grow from experiences that seem impossible to cope with.
We all have known men and women who've handled grave upsets far more easily than we have. How did they do it? They have no magic. Rather, they may be more comfortable letting their Higher Power help them accept and understand unfortunate circumstances. Once we accept our anger or disappointment, we're free to move on to better feelings. We begin to realize we have choices in how we look at problems.
We are never given more than we can handle. We can develop acceptance of any circumstances, but our success in doing so comes mainly through our reliance on God to show us the way.
God will help me handle the uncontrollable events of today. Through acceptance, I can change my feelings at any moment even right now.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
however I want to share that in my own recovery ive found that I am happier now than I was before,,,,
which means things have certainly gotten better for me in recovery !!!
the most important insight I got about my own identity and a clue to greater ease is that self esteem needs have to be met in order to feel good about myself !!!
going back on commitment,gosspi and scandalizing, getting outraged and mad are aree sure to make me feel bad about myself and my self esteem drops !!!!
My most basic understanding is that the only way to truly healthy self esteem is to do esteemable acts !!
it never fails me !!!
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
(((((Raman))))), thanks for sharing. I am so happy for you, my friend.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
This morning first thing I think about is ME, as the morning goes by I realize ALL I am thinking about is ME
I go to my morning "just for today" and it reminds me its not all about ME, but it is about me reaching out to others today and overcoming self obsession, DANG I needed that today.
In giving, we receive much more in return - and that's a promise we can trust
My My MY this is so true and what this is all about here thanks guys for all the support from you it helps ME
We are forever moving from one experience to another, one challenge to another, and one relationship to another. Our ability to handle confidently all encounters is a gift of the program, and one that accompanies us throughout every day, providing we humbly express gratitude for it. Success is ours when we are grateful.
We are not standing still. No matter how uneventful our lives may seem, we are traveling toward our destiny, and all the thrills and tears, joys and sorrows, are contributing to the success of our trip. Every day, every step, we are succeeding.
We can reflect on yesterday, better yet, on last week or even last year. What were our problems? It's doubtful we can even remember them. We have put distance between them and us. They were handled in some manner. We have succeeded in getting free of them. We have succeeded in moving beyond them.
How far we have come! And we will keep right on traveling forward. As long as we rely on the program, we are assured of success.
I can do whatever I need to do, today, with success, when I humbly accept the program's gifts.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
We have no right to ask, when sorrow comes, Why did this happen to me? unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Sometimes we take ourselves far too seriously. We draw our lives in the absolutes of black and white, with no shadings of gray. We believe our whole lives depend on every decision we make. When a problem comes along, we see it as a crisis rather than another of the ongoing issues that confront all people. If we are displeased with someone, or if a person is upset with us, we amplify the feelings until we rupture the whole relationship.
It would be helpful to look at today's tasks and problems as a game. Yes, we would like to play the game well, but we could have a good time while doing it. If we don't take our problems or ourselves too seriously, maybe we'll have some fun.
Help me learn that daily living needs the light of humor.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow, even though the people we love are not ready to change. We may even need to leave people behind in their dysfunction or suffering because we cannot recover for them. We don't need to suffer with them.
It doesn't help.
It doesn't help for us to stay stuck just because someone we love is stuck. The potential for helping others is far greater when we detach, work on ourselves, and stop trying to force others to change with us.
Changing ourselves, allowing ourselves to grow while others seek their own path, is how we have the most beneficial impact on people we love. We're accountable for ourselves. They're accountable for themselves. We let them go, and let ourselves grow.
Today, I will affirm that it is my right to grow and change, even though someone I love may not be growing and changing alongside me.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
If we look at the world through suspicious or angry eyes, we'll find a world that mirrors our expectations -- a world where tension will mount, arguments will abound, strife will be present where none need be. However, our experiences in some manner bless us, and we'll recognize that if we look upon them with gratitude, everything in our path is meant for our good and we'll see the good when our hearts act as the eyes for our minds.
When we see with our hearts, our responses to the turmoil around us, the fighting children, the traffic snarls, the angry lovers, will be soft acceptance. When our hearts guide the action we can accept those things we cannot change, and change those we can. And the heart, as the seat of all wisdom, will always know the difference.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
We all have deadlines we must meet. We have bills to pay, responsibilities at work, children with school projects --all the innumerable small markers that push life forward.
When we realize we're procrastinating, we need to be committed to not shaming ourselves. Procrastination is not an indication that we have failed. How realistic would it be if we looked forward to doing unpleasant things? It's human to avoid what we'd rather not do.
As we free ourselves from the burden of perfectionism, we're free to better accept our responsibilities. Meeting deadlines as well as we can, one at a time, pays off in serenity and a manageable life. When we are crisis ridden, we are forced to live by other peoples' demands, rather than by our choices. In the face of procrastination, resentment, or perfectionism, we can turn to Step Ten for an inventory. We can forgive ourselves, try to laugh at ourselves, live in the present, and keep going. Today can be better than yesterday.
I may as well admit it --there's probably something I'm avoiding. Is today the day to do it?
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
They say it's never too late to make a friend of a Higher Power who's been waiting in the wings all along. But some may question this point, particularly if they have lived long without attending to their spiritual side. Indeed, it's not a requirement. However, those who have sought the counsel of a Higher Power have found comfort in the knowledge that they are never alone.
One of the plusses of believing in a Power Greater Than Us is knowing that we don't have to handle any situation that occurs without guidance. We never have to have all the answers. We never have to have any of them, in fact. All we have to do is seek them from a Source that really has them.
If we haven't allowed our lives to be this easy up to now, let's give this process a chance. There's no reason to keep struggling with the circumstances that happen to us.
I will acknowledge the rightness of whatever comes my way today.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
There are important steps I need to take if I want new relationships to last.
I need to allow a new relationship to grow in a healthy way by giving it the time it needs. When I go too fast in a relationship, necessary stages are overlooked, and I might find myself in a relationship destined to fail. When trees are planted and their roots aren't given enough time to grow deeply into the soil, they're sure to fall during a storm. When the roots are given time to grow slowly, strongly, and deeply, they will most likely weather any storm.
Relationships can be similar, because when they're taken too quickly, they're likely to fail at the first sign of difficulty. But if given the time to grow, they will withstand the winds of turmoil and crisis. If I meet someone I want to be with, I can care for our relationship by not going too fast. I will remind myself that a tree needs tender care and nurturing to grow and flourish, not fertilizers and chemicals that force it to grow faster.
Today I will take care of my new relationship by understanding what it takes to make it strong and lasting.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Without understanding our motives, we can easily lapse into behavior aimed at manipulating others. Sulking is a means of letting others know we are displeased and forcing them to attempt to win our approval. Flattery is a false expression of approval that we don't really feel, giving others good strokes for our own purpose. Withholding deserved praise is a means of putting others down, something we're likely to do because of our jealousy.
Manipulative behavior is almost always selfish behavior. It is usually a false means of trying to get our own way. It is certainly an immature way of dealing with people and situations.
The best way to avoid being manipulative is to be ourselves at all times. We have neither the right nor the responsibility to control or regulate other people. Our best approach, in trying to influence another's actions, is simply to state our own case with sincerity and honesty. Others must be free to act, free to choose, and free to make their own decisions without manipulative interference on our part.
I will be myself at all times today. I will not assume false roles simply for the purpose of bending others to my own will. Manipulative behavior is controlling behavior, which I must avoid.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
